


You Can Stitch Me Up (But I'm Broken on the Inside)

by PastelMess



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Amnesia, M/M, also some fluff cause I'm trash, but you guys know me, it's pretty sad and angsty, some homophobic language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-18
Updated: 2016-09-07
Packaged: 2018-07-15 18:00:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 50,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7232947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastelMess/pseuds/PastelMess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Tyler recovers from a bad fall, it isn't the happy reunion people are expecting, because the last thing Tyler remembers is playing the winning shot his senior year of high school, almost ten years ago. He doesn't remember Josh, or the band, or any of the accomplishments the two have achieved. In fact, he's not even interested in music. He's interested in basketball, and Tyler can't comprehend the fact that he's married to a girl named Jenna but is falling in love with Josh.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Broken Bones and Broken Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> I am back with a cliche au. I really wanted to write one of these mostly because I did some research on amnesia and depressed myself. Also it makes me really nervous when Tyler climbs and sometimes I think about him falling and it terrifies me. So this happened.
> 
> I have a pretty basic idea of where I want this to go, so I hope you don't get bored or anything. It won't be LAM length at all, just something a little smaller.

He wakes up to sterile white walls of a hospital room.

There’s a loud gasp, possibly his own, and the frantic sound of a heart rate monitor speeding up with hair raising amounts of stress. He coughs, loud and hard, and people start yelling. Everything hurts.

“It’s okay Tyler, everything is okay,” there’s this blonde nurse wearing pink scrubs whispering encouragements into his ear as she holds him down to stop him from fidgeting. “Relax sweetheart, take it slow.”

“Where am I?” he breathes, his voice raspy from lack of use, and pain courses through his body at a lightning fast rate. Tyler feels like he’s going to die as a glass of water is pressed to his chapped lips. He gulps water like he hasn't seen it in weeks.

“You’re in the hospital honey, please stop moving. You have injuries.” And sure enough, he does. Tyler’s left arm is in a cast, his body is littered in the remains of dark yellow and brown bruises and his head is throbbing beyond all belief. He’s so confused and it’s putting a toll on him.

“I don’t understand,” whispers Tyler as he locks eyes with a disintegrating pink-haired man. There are dark bags under his eyes and he’s sickly pale.

“It’s going to be hard adjusting at first, I promise. Everything is going to be explained in a little bit, okay? The doctor is coming and your family is on their way. Your friend is right here if you need him.”

“Friend,” Tyler repeats, laying his head back against the hospital bed. “Hurts.”

“I know honey, I’m going to give you some more medicine right now, alright? We’ll get some food into your system too.” She messes with some of the tubes all around him and it’s then Tyler realizes how serious the situation is right now. He may not know what’s going on, but things aren’t good.

An older woman possibly in her late fifties bursts into the room frantically wearing a white coat and a stethoscope around her neck bounces to Tyler’s side. “Mr. Joseph, you have no clue how good it is to see you conscious.”

Tyler doesn’t speak. He looks between the tired man with the pink hair and his doctor.

“Sweetie,” she gestures to the blonde nurse, “if you would.”

Tyler doesn’t really want her to go but she leaves anyway, flashing a small smile his way. The doctor clears her throat and reaches for a clipboard tucked in a compartment near the door. “I’m Dr. Palmer. I’m afraid you had a little bit of an accident.”

“Huh?”

“You fell thirty-five feet from the scaffolding at one of your shows. Suffered a coup-contrecoup injury, meaning by hitting your skull on the stage it bounced your brain to the opposite side with a hard impact. They all said you weren’t going to make it, but I knew you were a strong one. Your friends and family did too. We had to do some surgery, you went comatose for about a month, and it hasn’t been a pretty month Mr. Joseph.”

“Not at all,” adds the pink-haired fellow.

Tyler blinks, trying to absorb all the information swimming around in his pounding head. So basically he almost died. Wonderful.

“We just need to do some routine checks before your family comes in. They won’t be long.” Tyler nods and Dr. Palmer skims over paperwork. Then she has him recite the alphabet, tells him to point to certain body parts and has him follow the light with his eyes. He struggles, but that's expected.

“Do you remember the fall?” Pink hair looks hopeful, but Tyler doesn’t. He shakes his head no guiltily.

“What’s the last thing you remember?”

“There was this basketball game I played in. I threw a free throw and won the game for my team.” he chuckles, immediately regretting it. “I was trying so hard to impress this girl, but she just wasn't having it. And then my family went out for ice cream.”

Dr. Palmer and Pink Hair share a look of fear. “Tyler,” she says softly, almost like she doesn't want to really say it, “how old are you?”

“I'm seventeen,” he replies like it's the most obvious thing in the entire world. The pink haired man lets out a mixture of a gasp and a sob and darts out of the room without an explanation. Tyler has too much going on to wonder what the man was doing in here in the first place.

“Oh sweetie,” the doctor mumbles, raising a hand to her hand. She scribbles on the clipboard and looks at him with remorse. “It's 2016. You aren't seventeen, you're twenty-seven.”

Tyler’s eyes widen. His monitor blows up and Dr. Palmer sooths him softly. “It's okay, we’re going to figure this out, I promise.”

“I can't remember ten years of my life?” He says mostly to himself in astonishment and there's a burning in the back of his throat like tears are about to spill.

“I know it's stressful, but you're going to get through this because you have people that love you and staff willing to help. I have to go put in some new data. I’m going to diagnose you with retrograde amnesia. We may be able to get your memories back Mr. Joseph, it's just going to take time.”

With a nervous gulp, Tyler nods his head and watches the doctor shuffle out of the room. He can't believe it. Ten years of things and memories and achievements he can't remember. Did he go to college? Did he get married? Is he a professional basketball player like he had always dreamed of? Did he ever get out of Ohio?

How was it possible for him to forget everything? What was he doing climbing something that high anyways? It was so stupid!

“Oh Tyler my baby!” His thoughts are cut short as his family enter the room; his parents and siblings gather around the hospital bed and his mother drops to her knees. She looks older than he remembers, with greying hair and tight wrinkles.“I thought I would never see you again,” she's sobbing and it's filled with so much pain Tyler’s heart twists into a knot. “Don't you _dare_ ever pull a stunt like that again!”

“I-” Tyler starts, but his father tugs on Mom’s arm. He looks older too and Tyler wants to scream. _Why can't he remember?_

“We can punish him later Kelly,” he whispers, but his eyes are also stained with tears. “He’s been through a lot.”

“How you feeling big bro?” Zack asks as he leans against the wall. It's his siblings that get him. He can't _remember,_ now matter how hard he tries.

“My head is throbbing like it has a heartbeat of his own. And I'm starving.”

“What can we get you?” Maddy asks with worry and Tyler notices the wedding band on her left hand. Holy shit. His sister was married. She was _married._

“Coke,” he mumbles, trying to forget about the stress waging war on his beaten body, “and maybe some Taco Bell.”

“How about we ease into it sport?” Dad says as he wraps an arm around his wife’s shoulders. “You've been on a feeding tube for a month. Let's get you some soup. You're falling apart underneath that hospital gown.”

“Chicken noodle?” Tyler asks and his mother squeaks again. She trails her fingers up his left arm, tapping softly on the cast before pushing the sleeve a little higher. It's then he notices he has _tattoos. TATTOOS._ When did he get those? Why would he get those?

His family notices him acting weird and his mother frowns. “Ty? Honey? What's wrong?”

“I have tattoos,” he says in disbelief and before he knows it his entire family has rushed off in search of Dr. Palmer. He stares at the thick black bands a little longer, a chill running down his spine as his mother’s loud sobs echo down the hallway. The doctor must have told them the bad news.

He feels bad, he really does. But no matter how hard he tries, Tyler can't remember anything.

\---

He's alone for awhile. The nurses come back in to fix his IV and help him use the bathroom. They get him his soup and he eats it slowly, the flavour weird on his tongue after so long of being unconscious.

At one point Dr. Palmer comes in and explains to Tyler what exactly he has and what can be done to fix it.

“We’re hoping that you have temporally graded retrograde amnesia, but the problem with this is that getting your memories to come back is going to be very difficult. We can try the reminder effect and hope for spontaneous recovery, but besides those there isn’t much we _can_ do. You'll need to attend some therapy sessions, both physically and mentally for your body. Your muscles have gone into atrophy so it's important you get those to work again. They'll try operant conditioning there and see if we can get some of those memories back Mr. Joseph. You'll also need plenty of sleep and water and painkillers. But that's all for later; you'll be in the hospital a while.”

Tyler nods. He really has no clue what any of that means, but if the doctor sounds hopeful then maybe it's a good thing.

“Good. Your friend wanted to speak with you, and I was told your wife was on her way.”

“M-My _wife_?” Tyler gapes, but the doctor is already gone. He has a wife. For some reason his head hurts worse than before.

“Hey Ty.” The pink haired man enters the hospital room slowly and drops to the chair he had been sitting in previously. He forces a smile, but his tired eyes give it away that he's broken and withering away. It makes Tyler feel guilty for reasons unknown. “Sorry I ran out on you early.”

“That's okay. I uh, assume you're my friend that everyone keeps talking about? I'm sorry I don't remember your name.”

He laughs, it's short and depressing and Tyler feels so bad. “I'm Josh. I'm your best friend.”

“You look really punk rock. Is that still a thing?” Josh has a silver nose ring and tattoos that completely cover his left arm. Plus he’s got these... things in his ears. Tyler isn’t sure what they're called. Either way, he looks like the last person Tyler would be best friends with.

“Of course it’s still a thing.” he clears his throat and runs fingers through his pink curls. “How are you coping?”

Tyler shrugs. “A lot is going on. Apparently I’m 27, and it’s stressful not being able to remember what happened. I just found out I’m married. I can’t be married.”

“You got married just last year,” Josh says softly, his attention on a loose thread falling off his tee. Tyler notices it says _Panic! At the Disco_ and he squints his eyes.

“Is she nice?”

“Of course. You love her a lot and she loves you. She’ll be here in a little while. Jenna was a little farther away than your parents and I.”

“Jenna,” Tyler tries her name out on his tongue and decides he likes it. “You’ve been here a while, haven’t you?”

“Everyday. I was so worried Tyler. Nobody ever liked when you climbed things but this time it ended up being fatal. We were playing a show in-”

“A show,” Tyler stops him, tilting his head. Josh’s eyes widen before he relaxes as much as a person on edge can. He slides his phone out of his pocket and scoots closer to Tyler.

“Yeah. We uhm, we’re in a band together.”

“We’re in a band? Like, The Killers?”

Josh chuckles again and rubs his head gingerly. “You and your Killers.”

“I was supposed to see them in concert. Did I?”

“Yeah. You did. And you told everybody enough times it would be a little hard to forget.”

Tyler points to Josh’s shirt. “They sing that one song that plays on the radio all the time. About closing the door. Or back in 2006 I guess.” he sighs. “I don’t like this.”

“We’re friends with them Tyler.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously. Are you going to let me finish?”

Tyler’s eyes flicker over to the spike in his pulse as the machine spits out a few uneasy beeps. “Yeah. I’m sorry.”

“No don’t-” Josh sighs. “You don’t need to apologize.”

“I just feel like I should. Because we’re supposed to be best friends and I can’t remember who you are. I can’t remember anything past my senior year of high school and my memories may never come back and that’s terrifying.” the monitor speeds up. Tyler feels lightheaded.

“Hey, it’s alright, don’t stress yourself out about it,” Josh whispers as he reaches for Tyler’s hand. Tyler yanks it away without really thinking about it, because Josh is a stranger to him, but he forgets that he isn’t a stranger to Josh, and the man’s face lights up in pain. The nurse with the pink scrubs rushes in to help with Tyler’s spike in anxiety and shoots Josh a look.

“It’s probably better if you leave the room for now Mr. Dun. He doesn’t need any more stress put on him at the moment.”

Josh nods his head. Tyler notices his eyes are wet and it makes him feel like a real piece of work.

But the sedatives make him forget why he was even upset in the first place.


	2. Discussions and Delusions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler and Josh have a chat. 
> 
> Tyler isn't musician extraordinaire Tyler Joseph anymore. He's just Tyler.

A week passes and Josh hasn't come back to the hospital. Tyler’s worried, but Josh is the last thing on his mind.

It's been stressful, this first week. The nurses have helped him take short walks throughout the hallways, and he's eaten more than he has ever eaten in his entire life. Not to mention, they've started “therapy,” if it can even be called that. All he’s done so far are elementary school math equations. Don't get him wrong, he's thankful, but Tyler is doubting the return of any of his memories anytime soon.

His parents make short, frequent visits during this week. He’s in a hospital in downtown Columbus, so they're close enough. They talk about what's going on at home, but so far Tyler is still living in 2006. Nobody has explained anything to him. His family won't speak about anything, too afraid of causing stress. It's driving him crazy.

Tyler’s relatives visit too, grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles, all told to not bring up anything. He feels more stressed than he thinks he'd be knowing some things. In fact, the only person who told him anything was Jenna. She visited the day Josh left, her smile pristine and white and her hair the colour of a thousand suns. She blows Tyler’s mind.

“Damn,” he had said the minute she walked in. “I'm married to _you_?”

She laughs. “Even with the brain of a 17 year old you're still a charmer.” Then her face fell serious. “I was so worried Tyler. I can't thank God enough for you being alive and well.”

“I'm so sorry I don't remember you,” he whispers. Honestly it felt like that was all he had done since he woke up: apologized.

“It's okay Ty. Therapy is going to help you and you'll be back to your normal self in no time.” Jenna smiles politely. Her hands won't stop shaking in her lap and Tyler can tell she isn't okay with this. He supposes he wouldn't be either.

Something else that bothers Tyler is that he doesn't have any feelings for Jenna. Sure, she's beyond beautiful, but he isn't feeling anything. Maybe it's because he can't remember the feelings he had for her in the first place. Perhaps if he ever gets his memories back it'll come to him.

Or maybe the accident affected the chemicals in his brain. Either way, he can't tell Jenna this. So he humours her for information.

“Nobody has been telling me anything Jenna, and it's stressing me out. I mean, don't I deserve to know about the last ten years of my life?”

“Well,” she looks reluctant, “that's the problem. They don't want to overload you within the first week. You just woke up Ty.”

“Tell me about the wedding.” He pleads, sticking his bottom lip out as far as it will go. Jenna sighs and pushes hair out of her face.

“Okay. This is all you get. At least, for today.” She shows him pictures, of her in a sparkling white dress and him in a suit; Josh is there, and his family, and it's weird that he can't remember this life changing moment. Jenna explains in detail the lights, and the reception, and how nice it was to know she was going to live with him the rest of her life. He smiled for her because that was all he could do. A little while later a nurse shooed her out.

But now it's the second week, and Tyler expects details. He's dying to know something. Plus, he's bored out of his mind.

Tyler is surprised when Josh walks into his hospital room. Today he's clad in a _NASA_ tee and ripped jeans and Tyler feels himself feeling _something_ he's never felt before. It's strange.

“Hey there.”

He clears his throat. “Good morning Josh.”

“I've uh, heard you've been making good progress. That's really great news.” A pause. His eyes flicker to Tyler’s broken arm. “I'm sorry for not visiting. It's been hard. And I know that's a terrible excuse but that's all I can give you.”

“I believe you,” Tyler says matter-of-factly as he sits up in bed. “Could you tell me more about our band? I'm just a little curious because I've never once thought about doing anything with music. I don't even know how to play any instruments.”

Josh lets out a strangled gurgle in his throat and plops down next to the bed. “The doctors don't want you knowing anything yet.”

“They keep talking to me about this reminder effect but I don't know how they expect me to remember things if nobody tells me anything. I'm doing fine. My muscles are getting stronger, I'm working on mental math and I can talk like a normal person. I just wanna know who I am Josh. Please.”

“Alright.” He sighs, sliding out his phone. Tyler stares at it in wonder, but he doesn't ask questions. There's a lot of technology that's new to him but if he stops to ask tons and tons of questions about little things nobody will tell him the big stuff.

Tyler watches Josh eagerly as he pulls up the Internet. “What do you wanna know first?”

“Oh no no, you can't pin that on me. Just, let's start from the beginning. Please.”

Josh shrugs. “Okay.” He types Tyler’s full name into the browser and it fills with so many results in such a short amount of time that it's a little overwhelming.

“I... Oh my god.” Tyler doesn't know what to say. “Are we, we _famous_?”

“Well, I guess you could say that.” Josh hasn't smiled once since he arrived, which is a little off putting to Tyler but he understands Josh’s anxious state. “I'm going to let you read this article and if you have any questions I'll try and answer them as best as I can.”

“Yeah. That's sounds... Nice.” With his good arm, Tyler takes the phone from Josh and begins to read. It's weird, all of it.

There are definitely certain things that stick out to him. _Lead vocalist. Twenty One Pilots. Keyboardist. Ukulele. Rejected a basketball scholarship._ That one trips him up the most and he looks up at Josh with worry.

“I... I gave up a basketball scholarship? What would I do that?”

Josh looks at him sadly, his eyes hidden by a snapback. “Because you found your passion Ty and that was much more important to you than school. You wanted to make a difference. And the best part is that you _have_ made a difference in so many lives.”

“But basketball was my life. How could I be so stupid?” He rubs at his neck in astonishment at the news. It had been Tyler’s _dream_ to be a professional basketball player and he gave it all up for _music?_

“What month are you stuck in?” Josh’s tone is harsh and bitter, and it makes Tyler upset.

“I don't know why you feel you need to act this way. It's not my fault-”

“Not your fault?” Josh stands up so quickly his chair falls over, clattering loudly to the ground. He's angry. “Of course this is your fault. You don't know when to stop Tyler. People always tell you to stop climbing and you DO NOT STOP. Security tells you no and you do it anyways. Our sets have been cut short, guards have chased you out, we've even been sued and banned from festivals all because of you. Me and forty thousand other people saw you fall. We watched your head hit the stage. We watched blood gather into a puddle around your lifeless body. They told me you were dead Tyler. So yeah, maybe you can't remember anything, but that doesn't make a difference because you still did what you were told not to.” With one more glare, Josh grabs his phone out of Tyler’s hand and stomps out of the room.

For the first time since he woke up, Tyler cries.

\---

Tyler is sure Josh hates him.

He hasn't been back to the hospital in three days, and whenever he asks the nurses or his family or Jenna about him they only shrug their shoulders.

However, he manages to convince the nurses to let him see what's going on in the world so they let him have access to the TV and the Internet. Besides therapy, Tyler spends his time watching music videos, live performances, and interviews. He remembers the name of the band, Twenty One Pilots. From research he realizes it was from an Arthur Miller play, the same guy who had written _The Crucible_ he suffered through junior year. (And trust him when he says it was terrible.)

He also concludes that the last thing he remembers happened in November, because according to interviews he found a keyboard in his closet later in his senior year and locked himself away to avoid responsibilities. His parents were upset with him and honestly Tyler doesn't blame them. He thinks his past self was an idiot for giving basketball up. But it was pretty cool to see how fast the band grew. It was crazy that he had written four albums worth of songs and could play three different instruments. He wonders if that will ever come back to him.

Perhaps the most important thing that Tyler sees in these interviews is his relationship with Josh. They truly are best friends, and Tyler can see that almost immediately. They joke a lot and make comments that make Tyler think he's not fully straight, which is weird because he had never thought about himself being anything but straight.

Josh was changing his mind.

When Josh finally decides to come back and visit, the first thing he does is apologize unconditionally.

“It wasn't right of me to have said what I said and for that I'm so sorry Tyler. I'm sorry for being cold towards you and being such a dick. It's just hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that you don't know who I am. I mean, we were _best friends_ Tyler. And-”

“Were we ever more than best friends Josh?” Interrupts Tyler and Josh shuts his mouth. “I've been doing some research, that whole reminder effect thing, and I feel like you aren't being completely honest with me in our relationship.”

Josh laughs nervously and Tyler picks up that's he's a bad liar. “The stuff we say in interviews are all jokes. It was your idea, to joke around about how we met or to confuse the interviewers. We do it all the time.”

“I want to know how we really met,” Tyler points a finger, “but I don't think that ‘friends’ hold hands or sit close to each other or talk about one another that much. That's gay.”

“Don't say gay like that, can't you be a little more-” he stops, pinches the bridge of his nose, and sighs. “You are married Tyler. We have never done anything above the level of friends.”

“So we've never kissed? Never slept together?”

“Jesus Tyler, no. I don't know where this is coming from.”

He looks away, a blush of embarrassment creeping across his face. Why did he ask questions like that? Was it because he wanted it to be real? Did he want _more_ with Josh?

“Sorry. I just thought-”

“Well you thought wrong. Now did you want to know how we really met?”

“I guess so. That would be nice.”

“We had a mutual friend. I came to one of your shows, back when you were-”

“I know about Chris and Nick.”

“Fine then. We talked at a show and decided to hang out after that. And when everyone left I was the one that helped fill in and now here we are. Did they let you do some research?”

“Yeah. We have a lot of energy, don't we? I saw the climbing thing too. You're right, it is pretty dumb. You know something else that's weird? Hearing my voice. Seeing what we wear. Knowing that I _wrote_ those songs and can't remember doing it. It doesn't even sound like the music I’d listen to.”

“I know it's strange, but I hope it's helping at least.”

“I can't remember anything yet, but maybe the triggers come later. I get to go home in a week and things will be better then.” Tyler swallows thickly, looking over for Josh’s approval. “If we’re famous, then I guess people know I almost died.”

“Oh man yeah. It's all over the Internet and news. People are devastated for you. I haven't even tweeted in forever. They might actually think you're dead.”

“Well we can't have that,” Tyler says softly, and Josh blinks.

“Are you saying that-”

“I can at least let them know what happened to me. If we have people who worry about us, total strangers as it is, then we should let them know. Can I use your phone? I haven't been allowed to get mine back yet.”

“Uhm, yeah. I guess you can.” Josh looks at Tyler for a few seconds before reaching into his pocket to retrieve his phone. Tyler notices Josh doesn't seem as bitter. He reminds himself not to bring up basketball. Josh doesn't seem to like it one bit. “You can use the band’s tumblr to write it and make a link to our Twitter. That way more people can see it.”

“Okay, sure,” Tyler nods his head and ignores all of Josh's fancy talk. He looks down at the blank screen and sighs.

_Dear people,_

“Clique,” Josh corrects and Tyler looks over at him.

“What?”

“We call them the clique. Fix that.” Tyler continues to stare at him and Josh quietly adds a “please.”

_Dear Clique,_

_It's me, Tyler. As I'm sure you know I was involved in a terrible accident a while ago in which I fell and hit my head. I ended up with a brain injury and fell into a coma. It also doesn't help-_

“Should I tell them about my amnesia?” Tyler asks, worry in his features. He doesn't want everyone to hate him for not remembering his own band.

“That's something important they should know, don't you think?”

Tyler sighs.

_It also doesn't help that I have been diagnosed with retrograde amnesia, meaning I can't remember the past ten years of my life. Unfortunately, this means I cannot remember any of you, or the band, or the shows or the music I have written._

_I don't even remember Josh._

“Don't put that,” Josh leans over Tyler to erase the last sentence. “They don't need to know that.”

“But I met you within the years I'm missing memories from. They'll know.” Josh doesn't speak and Tyler leans down slightly. “Josh?”

“I don't like seeing it,” he says, and his voice is cracking like he's about to cry. “Because I'm still pretending you do know who I am. That maybe this is nothing more than a dream.”

“I'm sorry I can't remember Josh. I'm so sorry and I wish I could do change the outcome but all I can do is try and hope. That's all you can do too.” He reaches out for Josh’s hand out of comfort, and fortunately Josh looks thankful for that. “Now let's finish this letter, alright?”

Josh nods his head and wipes his nose. “Right. The letter.”

_I don't even remember Josh._

_But that doesn't mean he's left my side. I'm gaining all my strength back and the doctors are hopeful I'll get my memories back with time. As for now, all we can do is stay hopeful. We won't be putting out music or going on tour anytime soon, but that doesn't mean we’ve forgotten about you._

_Stay strong. Stay alive. Appreciate life, because any moment might be your last. |-/_

_Tyler_

After Josh finishes the letter, he points to the symbol Tyler has written at the end of the letter. “How do you know about that?”

“It's the logo I'm assuming. I see it every time I look up the band name.”

His hopeful expression sinks. “Oh. I thought maybe... Never mind.”

“Do you know what it means?”

Josh shakes his head. “No. Only you know. Just like you were the only one to know what your tattoos meant. Hopefully you get remember those soon. I wouldn't want them to be lost.”

“I never told you?”

“It was personal. I didn't want to intrude.” Josh straightens his posture and pats Tyler on the shoulder. “Let's take a photo. People will be happy to see you're doing better.”

“Er, right.” Tyler watches as Josh takes his phone and opens the front facing camera. They snap a picture, and Josh posts the letter.

“There. All done.”

Tyler stares at the tweet as the numbers start flying, and Josh seems to sense he's a little overwhelmed. He takes his phone gently out Tyler's hands. “So... you've been doing research then.”

“Yes.”

“Do you have any questions?” He snorts when Tyler raises an eyebrow. “Sorry. That was pretty pointless to ask.”

“Some of the lyrics worry me,” Tyler says wholeheartedly and Josh pats his leg. “Was I really messed up?”

“You weren't messed up Ty, just having some rough patches in your life. You found a way to turn your pain into something beautiful.”

“The uhm, the paint. That I see myself wear. The black on my hands and neck. Is that because-” his voice cracks and Josh instantly panics.

“Do I need to get a nurse?”

“No I'm fine. I'm just...” Tyler knows he could tell Josh right there why that paint was on his hands and neck. But for some reason he doesn't want to. He's sure Josh knows already.

“I don't think it's right for us to talk about Blurryface right now. You don't seem to be up for it.”

“I'm fine,” Tyler grits his teeth and sits up further in bed, his bony wrists doing a terrible job of holding him up, not to mention that bulky cast getting in the way.

“How about I go get you some food? I'm sure you're tired of the crappy hospital slop. What can I get you? Taco Bell?”

Let it be known that Tyler was upset Josh had changed the subject because he felt he wasn't “up for it,” but his stomach growls and Tyler gives in. “Yeah. That sounds good.”

“I'll be back in fifteen minutes,” he says as he pulls his car keys out of his pocket and pivots on his heel. Tyler's face twists into confusion.

“Don't leave yet! You don't know what I want!”

“I know what you want.” Josh winks, and disappears out the door.

\---

Josh knows exactly what Tyler wants and Tyler has never been more happier to see fake Mexican food in his entire life.

“I have a question,” Tyler asks with his mouth full and Josh nods his head for him to continue. “Mark. Who is Mark?”

Josh swallows and tilts his head slightly. “He's a really great friend of ours. He mostly does the camera work for our music videos and takes pictures and stuff.”

“Why hasn't he come to visit me?”

“He...” Josh takes his bottom lip between his teeth and lets it slide out slowly. “He didn't want to overwhelm you. A lot of people believed you weren't going to make it, including him. Mark feels bad for losing faith in your recovery. You'll get to meet him once you leave. A lot of our friends felt that way. At one point I felt that way.”

“I don't blame you. I found some news articles that didn't paint a pretty picture.”

“You haven't watched any videos of the fall, have you?”

“Oh god no. I'd never do that to myself.” Even though he was pretty curious.

Josh sighs with relief. “Good. I wouldn't want you to do that to yourself.” Suddenly, he gets an idea and his face lights up in a way Tyler can only describe as cute. “Do you want to look at some photos?”

“Like... On your phone?”

“That, and Instagram. It's this app that lets you post pictures on it.”

“Oh yeah. Jenna showed me some off of that. I'd like to see some.”

So Josh once again pulls his phone out and brings up the app so he can go to the band account.

There's a ton of photos, Tyler realizes. Fan art and promos and upcomings and pictures from shows. It makes Tyler sick to his stomach. In fact, all of it makes Tyler sick to his stomach because he's looking at someone that looks like him but isn't him. Because that isn't Tyler on stage in front of thousands of people. It isn't Tyler that plays award shows, or sits next to Josh in interviews, or performs in music videos.

It _can’t_ be him.

But if Tyler tells Josh now that he doesn't want to see this stuff, Josh will be upset, and Tyler doesn't want to make his kinda friend upset.

“I look a little ridiculous,” he comments instead, but his voice is crackly and hoarse and Josh frowns.

“But that's just who you are.”

“Who I was.” Tyler stares at his unfinished burrito in regret and dissent. He's completely lost his appetite now. “Sorry Josh, but I don't want to look at this stuff anymore. That, that's not me up there. That's not who I am.”

“But-” Josh starts to argue, but stops right away with despair twinkling in those brown eyes of his. “I understand. It's a little too much. I guess I've put a lot on you today.”

“I appreciate all your help.”

“Yeah.” Josh’s spunk is gone as he gathers all the trash and dumps it in the trash can by the door. Tyler watches him linger at the doorframe with his phone rigid in his hand, his knuckles white. One forced smile later and Josh is gone.

Tyler pinches his nose in frustration and lets out an annoyed “gah!” before reaching for the iPad his parents had given him to entertain himself. He pulls up Twitter so he can read some of the replies.

_“So... what happens now?”_

_“Oh my god :(((.”_

_“Feel better Tyler. The clique has your back.”_

Tyler needs familiarity. He needs to see his home, needs to be in his room, needs to be on a basketball court.

No more of this band stuff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jfc the responses I see people leaving when top tweets something out
> 
> also, like, if this actually did happen??? Chaos. That's what would take place.


	3. Frustration and Fiasco

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler rages war with with himself. Josh continues to be distant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was stranded in the wilderness for a week in what as known as camp. I walked a mile and a half to get a strong enough cell signal to watch heathens and that was that.
> 
> I should be back now.

The last day of Tyler’s hospital life is bittersweet.

Of course Jenna and his family come to visit throughout the week, but he feels the most sad about leaving the staff behind. These people had taken care of him when he couldn't take care of himself. 

So after several tearful goodbyes, Tyler is stuffed into the back seat of his parents car without another word. He really does feel like a teenager with the way his parents are treating him.

“How are you feeling honey?” His mother looks up at him from the rearview mirror and Tyler forces a smile. 

“I'm fine. Feeling great actually.”

“The doctors gave us all your medicines and orders for therapy. We also have your phone and other electronics you can get back.”

“Finally,” he mutters.

“Your father and I were also talking about your future living situation.”

“I'm going home with you guys, right? To my room?” Tyler sighs. He forgot again, forgot that it really wasn't  _ his _ room anymore because he hadn't been living in that house for quite some time. His mother could have turned his room into storage for all he knew. “Sorry. Not my room.”

“We haven't changed a single thing,” his father promises, and his mother begins to give him signals. Tyler watches in curiosity. 

“Well Tyler, that's the thing. We know the doctors have spoken with you about ways to gain your memories back, and your father and I believe the best way to remember is to stay in a place you're unfamiliar with. That way it might fuel the flame a bit. Of course, if you feel uncomfortable with that, you are more than welcome to stay at home.”

Places he's unfamiliar with. As much as he hates to admit it, Tyler’s mind goes straight to Josh. “I could stay with Josh?”

His parents share another look. “We were thinking more along the lines of with your wife,” his father says, and Tyler stares at the window in disappointment. 

“As much as we love and trust Josh, he lives all the way in California sweetheart, and it's better if you're here and close to us.”

“You’re joking,” Tyler mumbles as he rolls a palm down his forehead, “I  _ still  _ live in Ohio?”

“Tyler,” his father’s voice becomes stern, but Tyler uses that pause to interrupt. 

“I've grown up in Ohio. This entire state is familiar to me. Apparently I've been everywhere in the entire world. Don't you think it's important for me to be in a state I'm unfamiliar with? California is perfect. The only thing I remember is when we went to Disneyland when I was 12. Being out of my comfort zone might put me in a state where I remember being comfortable there.”

“But what if you get homesick? What if you forget to take your meds? What about therapy Tyler? And Jenna? Oh, and you have to get that nasty cast off as-”

“Mom, the last thing I remember was a basketball game my senior year. I never left my house besides practice. I'm not homesick. As for the other stuff, Josh can help me with that. And Jenna will understand.”

“Tyler, your mother and I don't-”

“I think you guys forgot that I'm not actually 17,” he finally snaps, and his parents go silent. “I'm an adult who is perfectly capable of making his own decisions. If I get homesick, I'll fly home. I probably have plenty of money.”

His mother gasps. “Tyler Robert-”

“Honey,” and his father calms his wife with a soft touch on the arm, his eyes never leaving the road. 

“Please. I'm begging you guys here. I want to remember just as much as you guys do, because reading up on my life story is a weird thing for me to do. I know that you guys were upset with me about the whole ‘forget basketball, I'm gonna go write poetry and plunk piano keys’ thing. I know you were disappointed in me. And I know now that I'm in some huge successful big shot band topping charts and selling out arenas and at the point I'm at none of it matters to me. I don't care about music. All I wanna do is sleep in my own bed for a couple nights and get back out on the court.”

Tyler’s mother chokes, and suddenly she’s sobbing into her hands. His father strokes her arm lovingly, repeatedly whispering “Kelly sweetheart, it's okay,” as Tyler continues to watch with wide eyes.

“I'm sorry,” he starts, “I didn't mean-”

“It's okay Tyler. You don't need to apologize.” One more look at his wife and Tyler’s father peers at him from the top of his sunglasses. “I'll get in touch with Josh tonight.”

\---

His parents were right. Tyler’s room looks exactly the same and he’s very thankful for something not new. With a sigh he drops down onto his bed and stares at the ceiling. He’s tired, that’s a given. He also misses Josh. Which is sort of weird because he doesn’t know him that well and yet he still wants to be around him.

Tyler’s door creaks open. “Sweetie?” It’s his mother, and she forces a smile. “You have a friend here to visit you. Mark.”

“Mark,” he repeats and his mother takes it as a question.

“Yeah, he’s-”

“I know who Mark is,” Tyler interrupts as he pushes off his bed and follows his mother downstairs. There in all his glory stands Mark Eshleman.

It’s kind of weird to finally see him, after all those videos and interviews he's watched. It's like meeting a celebrity. 

“Hey Tyler,” he says softly, wiggling his fingers. Mark stares at the floor, unable to look at him. 

“Hi Mark. It's great to see you. I uhm, even though I don't remember you, I've seen videos. And the ones you directed. They're really good man.” Tyler forces a smile, just to give Mark some hope. He doesn't want to lose another friend.

And when Mark’s eyes light up, Tyler knows he's succeeded. “Aw, thanks dude! I'm glad you uh, still like them.” In a second, his smile was gone, and he still refused to look Tyler in the eye. “I'm really sorry about your accident, but I'm even more sorry for not being there for you. A lot of us lost the belief that you were going to be okay because everyone was so sure you were already dead. And I should have been at the hospital to visit, but I couldn't bring myself to go. I was there when you fell Tyler, and I've never been that scared in my life. You should have seen the venue. It was total chaos, and Josh-” Mark cuts his sentence short and clears his throat. “I'm just glad you're all better Tyler. Even with amnesia. I'd take that over you being dead.”

Tyler scoffs, but nods his head, and the two embrace in a long needed hug. Mark smells like familiarity, despite the fact that Tyler couldn't remember anything about him. Maybe deep down he really did remember. 

Now if only he could do the same with Josh.

“So, you’ve seen the music videos then?” he says the minute they let go. Tyler nods.

“Yeah. Some weird stuff.”

Mark laughs. “Oh yeah.”

\---

They spend the rest of Mark’s time talking, or rather, Mark talking, his arms waving all around expressively as he details stories of them being on tour and filming. After Mark leaves, Tyler eyes his phone on his dresser, but can’t bring himself to touch it. It’s too much to look at at once and he doesn’t want to overwhelm himself.

Later that night his parents come up with expressionless faces and Tyler looks at them nervously.

“Mom? Dad? Everything okay?”

“I uhm, I talked to Josh,” his father replies, rubbing the back of his neck raw, “and well, he uhm,”

“What your father is trying to say is that Josh doesn’t think it’s the best idea if you go back with him.” his mother stares at the carpet as Tyler’s heart falls. Of course Josh didn’t want him coming back with him. Josh hated him.

“Oh.” Tyler nods his head. “I understand.”

“Jenna is more than happy to take care of you back at your house, and of course we are here if you need to stay for a while. Whatever is comfortable for you sweetheart.”

“I’d like to stay here for a while, if you don’t mind.”

His mother nods and gestures to his cast. “The doctor called earlier. Wanted to remind us that you could get that off in a few days and start working on getting those muscles out of atrophy.”

Tyler forces a smile. “Awesome.”

“Anyways, we’re heading to bed. We’ll see you in the morning honey.” with a kiss on Tyler’s cheek, his parents leave the room, leaving Tyler to wallow alone in frustration. He once again eyes his phone sitting on his dresser and finally decides to get up and get it.

Annnnnnd of  _ course _ it’s passworded. With a sigh he chucks it onto his bed and follows suit, flopping down dramatically. He feels like crying. Things are supposed to get better, not worse. But Tyler supposes he has to actually put effort towards things to make them better.

So he reaches for his phone and stares at the numbers before inputting his birthday. He laughs, short and sweet, when it ends up being correct. Typical Tyler.

He has so many notifications it’s beyond ridiculous. Tyler decides to start with his messages. He has so many from so many people, his parents, Jenna, Mark, some unknowns, and Josh. Tyler is on autopilot as he clicks on Josh’s name. There’s more grey bubbles than blue, and the dates show Josh texted him when he wasn’t conscious.

 

May 8 10:07 pm

_ Oh god, please be okay. _

 

May 25 11:06 am

_ I’m a mess without you. _

 

May 27 4:04 am

_ I love you Tyler. This can’t be happening. You can’t leave me here. I haven’t cried this much in my life. How could this happen to you? You’ve done nothing but good to everyone and everything.  _

 

May 30 2:37 pm

_ Everytime I get online all I see are articles about you and your recovery. I hope you can actually recover Ty, I really hope you do. Everyone is losing faith and I think I might be too. I can’t do this anymore. I’m falling apart. _

 

May 31 11:59 pm

_ I got a phone call from your brother today. He told me they were going to pull the plug if you didn’t wake up within the next week. I screamed at them for a good twenty minutes. Everyone thinks you’re dead Tyler. Maybe it’s time for me to let go too. _

 

June 4 12:45 pm

_ You don’t remember me. _

 

Tyler doesn’t even realize he’s crying until a tear lands with a  _ plop _ on his phone and he wipes it off with a sleeve. It breaks his heart, all of this. Unable to read any other exchanges between he and Josh at the moment, he closes down iMessage and goes to look at some other notifications. He scrolls through Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and some others fairly quickly, just wanting to get rid of those red notification bubbles. Then he accidentally opens up notes, and comes face to face with song lyrics. Of course Tyler can’t help but look, but it feels like he’s invading his past self’s privacy. And so he closes it down, and calls Josh.

It’s probably the dumbest thing ever to call someone who hates you but Tyler can’t handle it. He needs to speak with the person he’s slowly becoming infatuated with.

“Hello?” Josh’s voice is low and gruff and groggy.

“Hey Josh? It’s me, Tyler.”

“I know that. What do you want?” he’s still snippy.

“Are you still in Ohio?”

“Yeah. I’m at my parent’s house. Did you need something?”

“I uhm,” Tyler swallows thickly, “I found some texts. That you sent me.”

Josh hangs up the phone.

Tyler screams. He screams himself hoarse and chucks his phone across the room with all that he has and buries himself in his covers as tears once again start running down his cheeks. He’s tired of everything. Tired of being confused and frustrated and stressed and tired of Josh hating him for something he can’t even control. He doesn’t want to do this.

Both his parents burst into his room, and are to his side in milliseconds, holding him close, comforting him. His mother smooths down his hair and all Tyler can do is cry.


	4. Relief and Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh says sorry. 
> 
> It hits Tyler full on that he has no idea who he is as a person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a lot more happier than the others!

The next morning there’s a knock on Tyler’s bedroom door.

He’s too sick to get up and answer it himself. Tyler’s head is pounding, and the previous night he threw up what little stomach contents remained. His mother fussed about returning to the hospital, but Tyler promised it was nothing more than “a glass of water and a bottle of painkillers” couldn’t help. And so, here he lay, curled up in his childhood quilt with a terrible migraine.

“Come in,” he mumbles, pulling the blanket further over his shivering body. Tyler expects his parents, or maybe Jenna or Mark. After all, they actually seem to care about Tyler.

He certainly doesn’t expect to see Josh.

“H-Hey,” Josh chokes out as he quietly closes the door behind him. Tyler peeks from over the top of the blanket, watching Josh pick up a snow globe resting on his dresser. He shakes it gently and watches the snow fall before he clears his throat. “Last time I was in here, we filmed a music video.”

“I’m familiar with that,” Tyler replies as he sits up, his eyes still on wary watch of the pink haired man. “Annoying little song on the radio, isn’t it?” (He’s not going to lie, he said that to upset Josh.)

“You seem to think so.” he scoffs, and then sighs. “Look Tyler, I didn’t come here to argue with you. I really didn’t.”

“Huh. What a surprise.”

Josh’s jaw clenches and he slams the snow globe down on the bureau. “I know I've been a terrible person recently and I'm sorry. I'm the only person not offering support, but maybe I'm also the only one realizing how completely pointless it is to get our hopes up. Most amnesia patients don't recover any lost memories.”

“Most,” grumbles Tyler under his breath.

“I don't understand why you keep wanting me to be around. When your father told me you wanted to come live with me, I thought he was joking. And then you called me and-” Josh pauses and looks up at the ceiling, blinking rapidly. It isn't hard to figure out he's tearing up. “I'm so _scared_ Tyler.”

“And you don't think I'm scared Josh? I can't remember ten years of my life. I can't remember my career, or any people I met, or even any technological advances. Trust me when I tell you that I want to remember you so _badly_ Josh. I can see you're a good person and I know how important you were to me. I know you care about me, but I haven't seen that side of you. Mark and Jenna, they treat me like a human being. You treat me like I'm a shell. I'm still Tyler. I might not be famous music extraordinaire Tyler Joseph, but I'm still Tyler.”

“Music is our whole lives,” Josh starts, and Tyler groans loudly, throwing his throbbing head back in the process.

“I wish I could go back to the days where Tyler Joseph was just another goddamn name in the phonebook. Can you focus on me for a second please? Me in the now.”

“Yeah. Okay. I'm sorry.”

“I have hope that one day my memories will return and I'll go back to the man I once was. But for now Josh, I am not that man you see dressing confidently and bouncing around on stage. I am not that man lathering myself up in black paint or jumping off pianos or playing strange instruments. Right now, I am just a kid,” he pauses, pinching the bridge of his nose in annoyance, “rather a man, who wants nothing more than to get back on the court. And I would love some support from you instead of all this bullshit you’ve been giving me.”

Josh sighs, paws at his face, and leans against the wall. “It’s hard to do that Tyler, because I’ve only known you for that person you used to be. And you still are him. Deep down inside-”

“If you say one more thing about our stupid band, I will kick you out of my house.” Tyler climbs out of bed, his finger pointed threateningly at Josh. “I’m done for now, okay? I just left the hospital yesterday and I don’t want to think about all the stuff I don’t remember. I just need some familiarity. I need a friend.”

“You wanna go to the gym then?”

Tyler blinks rapidly a first time, taken back a little by the fact that Josh had asked that out of the blue. He was so against Tyler’s basketball days for some reason, but if he was offering... “Are you serious?”

“You’re right. I haven’t been there for you. I’ve been pouting and too worried about myself to see what you were dealing with. And I’m really sorry. I’m gonna stop being a douchebag and help you. So let’s go shoot some hoops.”

“I...” Tyler doesn’t know what to say, so instead he only stares and stumbles to get to his dresser. Josh stops him, resting a shaky hand on his shoulder.

“The stuff in there isn’t going to fit you Ty.”

“Oh yeah,” he swallows loudly, “I should uhm, I think I have a bag downstairs. With clothes.”

“I can grab it. You need anything else while I’m down there?”

“A glass of water. And some Ibuprofen if you don’t mind.”

“Of course I don’t mind.” One (forced) smile later, Josh disappears through the door, leaving Tyler in silence.

He flops back down on his bed and groans. Everything about this current situation makes him want to pull his hair out. Tyler wishes he never got into that stupid accident. Whoever he once was was an idiot, that was for certain. He tries to picture what it would be like to watch someone fall to their almost death, and so curiosity gets the better of him.

And that’s how Josh walks in to find Tyler watching his own fall.

Tyler’s eyes are wide in distraught, and he ignores Josh as he drops Tyler’s bag to the floor and slams the glass of water and pills on his bedside table. The phone is ripped from Tyler’s hand, and in fear Tyler stares at his bright purple cast instead of Josh’s horrified face.

“Why would you watch this Tyler?” Josh’s voice is cracking, like a crumbling foundation unable to support an old house. “How could-”

“I needed to know what it was like for you to see me fall. I had to know.”

“You didn’t need to-” Josh is crying again. Not hard, but his eyes are definitely wet and Tyler feels terrible. “What happened happened. You don’t need to worry about it.”

“I hadn’t realized it was that bad.”

“Yeah. It really was that bad. Now get dressed so we can go. I’m gonna hold onto your phone for a little while.” And with that, he’s gone once more. Tyler punches his pillow and groans.

\---

“You better take good care of him Joshua,” Tyler’s mother warns as she shakes a finger. Josh has his hand resting protectively on Tyler’s shoulder, and Tyler himself knows Josh will.

“Of course,” he replies with a nod, steering Tyler to his car. Tyler is cradling an old basketball in his hands happily. It's been far too long.

The ride there consists of mostly silence, minus the low hum of the radio. Neither of them say anything when Tyler recognizes his own voice over the car speakers and Josh turns the radio off.

At the Y, they're the only two in the gym and Tyler has never felt happier. He stands behind the free throw line and makes his shot, waiting for that satisfying _swoosh_ of his ball. But that never comes, because the ball bounces off the rim. He tries again and again and again until finally letting out a shout of frustration. This isn’t right. He’s supposed to be making every single shot, not missing them!

“Tyler,” Josh says softly, watching sadly as he picks up another basketball. He’s not even close to making this one.

“This is ridiculous,” Tyler responds, looking Josh’s way. His breaths become shorter.

“It’s been awhile since you practiced Ty.”

“500 free throws every day. Every single day. And if I didn’t make all 500, I didn’t get to eat dinner. I made every single one Josh! I should not be missing them!” It is when Tyler collapses into full hyperventilation does Josh pull him over to a bench. He’s gentle, hesitate, before putting an arm around his shoulders. Tyler breaks down into tears, nasty ones with snot and lack of breath. The one thing he thought he was good at he was failing to do. His familiar foundation, the one thing that had brought him tranquility and peace was ruined. “I was supposed to go to college on a good scholarship, I was going to play professional, I was going to-” Tyler launches into another round of hysterics. He knows Josh probably isn’t the best person to be talking to about this, but he can’t help it.

“It’s okay Tyler, please don’t cry. It’s been a few years is all. It doesn’t mean you’re bad. Besides, I’ve played with you before, and you still had it. It’s just trauma, and I'm sure having a broken arm isn't helping much either.”

He sniffs. “I’m sorry I’m being a big baby over this.”

“Don’t apologize. Hey, how about we go get some ice cream?”

Tyler nods, and like a five year old he lets Josh lead him out of the gym by the hand. Josh’s hand is calloused and firm and comforting, and it’s something Tyler likes a lot.

The person at the desk doesn’t bat an eyelash as they walk back through the lobby, which is probably a good thing. It’s a little suspicious to have someone spend ten minutes in the gym and leave.

Tyler notices Josh watching him as he slides into the passenger seat and pulls his seat belt over his chest, letting the ball fall to the ground in between his feet. He doesn’t say anything, completing unsure of what to say. He just embarrassed himself in front of the one person he’s trying to gain respect from.

“Tyler, it’s okay. Don’t let yourself get down over this.”

“It’s just hard,” he mumbles in response, staring at radio. “I don’t know who I am.”

“You’ll learn. We all do.” Josh starts the car, and they drive off.

\---

At Dairy Queen Tyler gets a chocolate ice cream cone and Josh gets vanilla. They sit quietly in Josh’s car as they eat. Tyler wonders if this is how it’s always going to be between them. He had to go and ruin a perfectly good relationship.

“Tyler,” Josh finally says, snapping Tyler away from his blame, “were you serious about coming to live with me?”

“Of course. I just think it’s a good idea is all. By being in unfamiliar places, they might become familiar. The reminder effect thing.”

“You don’t want to stay close to your family? Or your wife?”

“I don’t want to be anywhere near Ohio,” Tyler replies, but what he’s really thinking is that he wants to be everywhere Josh is.

“Even with... the way things are between are between us?”

“We’re still best friends Josh, even if I can’t remember our friendship before hand. And I’ve seen it you know, in videos. I know how important I am to you, and how important our career is to you. And I just want to get my memories back for you Josh, I really do. It’s just going to take time. But I think, the longer I’m with you, the more I’ll be exposed to, and the faster I might actually remember things. And I know you’re doubtful about me actually remembering things, but I’m telling you, I have faith.”

Josh nods his head, his eyes trailing to a car pulling into a parking space. “That sounds like something the old Tyler would tell me.”

Tyler grins. “Then it’s already working.”

“Alright Ty. I think that if the two of us both put in effort, this can work. I’ll have to speak with your parents.”

“Right.”

“I technically will be your new guardian, won’t I?” Josh scoffs. “I try and forget you think you’re 17. That was a terrible time in my life.”

“I don’t remember the terrible times yet.” He blinks. “You know what sucks? The fact that I was so close to remembering my start up in music. If only I would have remembered a little bit more...” Tyler shakes his head as Josh sighs.

“There’s no point in worrying about that. We can’t change it, only hope this reminder thing actually does work. Now let’s get you home.”

“Can we listen to some music?” asks Tyler, and Josh points to the glovebox with a nod.

“CD’s are in there.”

Tyler pulls out the one with his grandfather on it. It’s called _Vessel_ , and he stares at the picture for a few more seconds before handing it off to Josh. Tyler finds it funny Josh has their own albums in his old car. Tyler wonders if he owns his own CDs.

“Are you sure Tyler?” his forehead is creased with worry and Tyler nods vigorously.

“I’m sure.” He doesn’t recognize any of the songs, or the lyrics, or the beats, but he knows that he and Josh created this with their own hands, and that within itself is incredible.

It’s even nice when Josh tosses his ice cream cone in the trash to hold Tyler’s hand instead.


	5. Exhaustion and Envy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is stressful, Tyler knows that. But now it feels even more stressful.

Tyler is definitely lying when he says he isn’t afraid of going to live in California. Things are going to be different and scary for a while and it’s up to him to make the best of the situation. At least, that’s what he tells himself.

They leave almost a week after that discussion with Josh. Tyler’s parents are wary of course, but they end up offering support, and Jenna thinks it couldn’t be better. “You are best friends,” she says, “and it’s more important you remember him before anything else.”

Tyler gets his cast off and Jenna helps him pack. He has so many wild clothing choices that it’s a little overwhelming, and she notices his stress, packing more t-shirts above anything else. Tyler ignores the fact that Jenna slips in some floral or things he'll probably never touch ever again.

She even makes him take one of the several ukuleles that hang on their walls. He tells her it’s probably a lost cause, but Jenna only shakes her head.

So now they sit on an airplane and Tyler hasn’t felt this nervous in a long time.

“You doing okay?” Josh asks, his face masked with worry. Tyler nods.

“I’m okay. A little scared, but okay.”

“It’s five hours. You can do it.” he squeezes Tyler’s hand encouragingly as Tyler takes a deep breath. “We’ll watch a movie. What do you want to watch?”

“Something that I watched a hundred times but can’t remember now.”

Josh grins. “I’ve got just the movie.” He puts on  _ The Avengers _ and Tyler watches in awe the entire time. The few times he looks up at Josh's face, he’s smiling, with big dimples and squinty eyes and his tongue poking out from the side of his mouth. Tyler’s a little lost in his friend’s beauty. He wonders if he felt this way about Josh before the accident. 

He wonders if he should tell Josh about all of well, _this._

At the airport, Josh leads him to the exit carefully, his hand on the small of Tyler’s back. Tyler tells in detail his favourite parts of the movie, feeling a sense of happiness when Josh laughs and agrees or argues. Tyler actually feels  _ normal _ up until they’re stopped by two teenage girls.

They look hopeful, with big doe eyes and wide smiles. Josh lets go of Tyler, whispers, “we don’t have to do this,” as Tyler continues to stare at these strangers. They know who he is. They know who both of them are and Tyler almost forgot he is the lead singer of a well known band. He wishes he could remember the words and uplifting thoughts fans of his music had shared with him as these girls are doing now. But he can’t, and it’s a little overwhelming.

“Go ahead,” Tyler croaks out back into Josh’s ear. He feels Josh’s hand push harder into his back.

“You go find a place to sit down, okay? I’ll be right there. Give me thirty seconds.” With a nod, Tyler beelines for the closest bench and watches Josh interact with those girls. His smile is big as he signs something and takes a photo with them. He tries to read Josh’s facial expressions and thinks about the fact that it used to be him as well up there doing those kind of things.

Tyler doesn’t speak until the two are out of the airport and in a taxi. Josh rests a hand on his shoulder. “You doing okay?”

“Not really.”

Josh sighs. “I know that was probably hard. They wished you a well recovery.”

“I guess I was probably used to being stopped.”

“Yeah. It’s kind of a daily occurrence.”

“Sorry. I’m still at the phase where it’s a little difficult for me to talk about all the music stuff. But I’m trying really hard for you.”

“Your health above all else Tyler. I mean that. And when we get back to my place, we’ll put all your clothes into the guest room and make it your own, alright? Then we can go do something if you want.”

“If we go out, people are going to stop us again.”

“We could go visit some friends. If you’re up for it. I can call Brendon.”

Tyler’s eyes widen. “Oh yeah! I forgot we were friends with the goddamn door guy!”

Josh laughs louder than Tyler has ever heard before and it makes his heart flutter. “Yeah. He’s the goddamn door guy. But probably don’t call him that.”

“Brendon,” Tyler tries and nods approvingly. “It’s so weird that we’re friends with him. That song was on the radio all the time.”

“And now we have our own songs on the radio,” Josh points out, but Tyler recognizes the immediate regret. “Sorry. That was stupid of me to bring up.”

“No. I think it’s cool. I’m just waiting to remember it.”

Josh nods. “Everyone is really excited to see you. They were in just as much fear as the rest of us. I think Patrick and Pete might fly up later to come see you as well.”

Tyler waits for further clarification and when it finally clicks Josh smacks his forehead. “Oh, duh. Uhm, the song where he’s like ‘down down, erghufluberround.’”

“Oh! I remember that on the radio too. I could never understand what he was saying.”

“No one could,” Josh chuckled. “You’ll like them. They are some of the nicest people we’ve ever met.”

“Cool. I think I’d like that, to meet friends. Maybe that’ll help spark something.”

Josh nods. “I’ll call Brendon when we get back to the apartment.”

“I’m excited.” Tyler hums when he feels Josh squeeze his hand.

“Me too.”

\---

Later that night, Tyler lays on his bed with a goofy grin on his face. It’s unfamiliar all of it, but it’s a new start, and he’s with Josh. Josh, who seems to be more comfortable around him. After all, he had helped him unpack and had made several jokes and comments. Tyler feels like Josh finally views him as a friend, not an enemy.

A knock at the door causes him to slide off the bed and dart into the living room where Josh is already pulling it open. There stands a man with chocolate brown hair and a gleaming white smile decked out in a leather jacket and skinny jeans. Tyler stares in disbelief. It’s him. It’s  _ the _ Brendon Urie.

“Hiya Josh.”

“Brendon,” Josh pulls him into a hug and opens the door wider so he can fit in. Brendon locks eyes with Tyler and a wide grin spreads across his face.

“Holy shit. If it isn’t Tyler Joseph.” he opens his arms for a hug, but Tyler takes a step back. Josh gently pushes on one of Brendon’s arms. He frowns, but seems to realize the seriousness of the situation as his arms drop to his side. “Oh fuck. I’m sorry. I forgot.”

“It’s okay,” promises Tyler as he shoves his hands in his pockets as far as they will go. “Sorry for being so awkward. I’m a little bit in awe.”

“He’s been fangirling all day,” Josh jokes as he throws an arm around Brendon’s shoulders. That jaw dropping smile is back on Brendon’s face.

“Just like old times, huh?”

“Shut up,” Tyler murmurs as a blush spreads across his nose. Josh and Brendon break out into soft laughter.

“In all seriousness,” Brendons starts after things have died down, “I’m really glad you’re okay. We were all so worried about your health and to see you up and walking is the best thing in the world. I mean, fuck, I haven’t prayed since I was sixteen and I literally found myself begging God that you’d be okay. I don’t even think I believe in a god.” he shrugs. “Amnesia is easier to deal with that death.”

“So I’ve been told.”

“Dallon will probably fly in later this week. He really wants to see you.” Tyler waits, like he always has to now because he doesn’t want to be rude and ask who. Josh nudges Brendon whose mouth slides into an “oh” shape. “Dallon is the bass player in Panic. He’s one of our closest friends. He lives over in Salt Lake, so it’s not that too far of a flight.”

“Oh. Cool.”

“So Brendon, Tyler really doesn’t want to go out, so is it cool if we just chill here?”

“I’d like to watch and listen to more of your stuff since I really only know that one album.”

“Forgot you can’t remember anything past 2006. Majorly weird. But yes. I think we can do that.”

So the three gather in the living room, Josh and Tyler on the couch while Brendon sits cross legged on the floor. Josh turns on his xbox, pulls up Youtube, and allows Brendon to take over the controller.

“Which one first?” he asks Josh whose smile is as wide as the Pacific Ocean. Tyler can’t help but stare at Josh. He knows what’s happening to him.

He’s falling in love.

And Tyler of course realizes that he hasn’t exactly known Josh long enough  _ to _ fall in love with him, but it feels like these feelings have been pulling and nipping at him since far before he woke up. Tyler decides he had to have loved Josh before the accident and suppressed his feelings. But it’s not like he can march over to Josh and tell him this. He needs to wait it out.

“Show him the demon one, he’ll appreciate that.”

Tyler rolls his eyes. “My demon isn’t exactly a demon.”

“Just wait until you see this,” Brendon exclaims as he presses play.

\---

The rest of the night flies by quickly, and it’s almost one in the morning when Brendon says his goodbyes. Tyler’s eyelids are heavy with sleep, and he’s slumping on Josh’s arm. Today’s been a crazy day for sure.

“Did you have fun?” whispers Josh as he swings his arm around Tyler’s shoulders and helps him down the hallway to his bed. 

Tyler nods groggily. “Mmhmm. I like Brendon.”

“Everyone does. He’s such a good guy. A little wild, but you get used to it. And if he tries to offer you any drugs or alcohol, what do you tell him?”

“No,” he replies. “I didn’t know you were my dad.”

Josh laughs, nudging the door open with his foot so he can get Tyler into his room. “Oh yeah, I’m your daddy.”

And the two freeze. Tyler whips his head up, staring, trying to figure out the emotion that has found itself on Josh’s face.

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know.” Tyler pulls away from Josh’s touch and flops down onto his bed. “G’night.”

“Goodnight.” out of the corner of his eye Tyler sees Josh stop, his fingers trailing across the doorframe. “You’re doing okay here?”

“Yeah. I think everything’s gonna be okay.”

“Good.” One smile later, and Josh is gone.

Tyler buries his head in his pillow. It smells like Josh’s cologne, and makes Tyler wonder if this is where he had slept if he ever got in a fight with a girlfriend, or even a boyfriend maybe. He realizes he’s never even gone and tried to figure out Josh’s past relationships.

Suddenly not tired, Tyler pulls his own out of his pocket and pulls up the internet. He stares at the door, straining his ears, hoping Josh isn’t standing right outside. Jeez, that would be embarrassing.

“I’m married to my drums,” he finds Josh saying. Tyler snorts.

Josh had a rumoured relationship with a “Halsey.” They went to a gay bar. 

“Holy shit,” Tyler’s eyes widen as he zooms on Josh in the background. He saves that picture and continues his gander.

Josh actually did date an actress named Debby Ryan. Tyler wonders if she lived with him in this very apartment. He’ll have to ask tomorrow.

And Tyler’s just about to call it quits for the night when he comes across a Twitter account talking about something called Joshler. He narrows his eyes and pauses. Should he really be looking at this kind of stuff? Was it appropriate, considering Josh was right next door, considering they could have had a possible relationship?

Curiosity gets the better of him, and he spends all night reading fantasies, making his heart hurt, wishing it was true.

Wondering if it was true.

_ Not yet _ , he tells himself. He has to wait.

\---

At eight o’clock in the morning Josh bursts into Tyler’s room and shakes him awake. Tyler doesn’t have the heart to tell him he went to bed at five am instead of one and pulls himself out of the blankets.

“We’re gonna go to Starbucks,” Josh exclaims, pulling out some clothes from the bureau. His smile flickers as he reaches for a black and white patterned shirt.

“What’s wrong?”

“Oh. Uh, nothing’s wrong. This is my shirt.”

“Sorry,” Tyler tries as he joins Josh at his drawers. “Jenna helped me pack.”

“I forgot you took this from me before, well, you know.” Josh clears his throat and smiles once more. “You wear this today.”

“It’s yours.”

He shrugs. “Looks much better on you.”

Tyler ignores the pitter patter of his heart as he takes the tee from Josh. “If you say so.”

“Hurry up and get dressed. I want coffee.” Tyler swats away Josh’s hand playfully before it messes up his hair.

Tyler knows it’s probably not a big deal for Josh to insist Tyler wears his shirt, but he continues to wonder h ow much longer were things going to be like this.


	6. Recollection and Restoration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He starts to remember. It's nothing more than bits and pieces and feelings, but it's something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for making you guys wait so long. Work has been eating me alive.

It doesn’t take much for the two to fall into a system.

It’s been a few weeks since Tyler has come to live with Josh, and a ton has happened. Josh took the responsibility of getting Tyler’s therapy session arranged out here in Los Angeles and Tyler tries to ignore the fact that Josh was the one to do it. Don’t get him wrong, Tyler realizes he’s 27, and Josh is 28, and they are practically the same age, but Tyler views Josh as someone ten whole years older than him. He views Josh as the responsible adult that’s completely in charge of him. In fact, every time they go out to eat dinner or check out at the supermarket, Josh does all the talking because Tyler freezes up.

“Usually you’re the one doing all the talking,” Josh jokes, reaching for Tyler’s hand as the cross the street. Tyler wants to tell Josh that he thinks he’s 17, not 7, but it’s nice to have Josh hold his hand.

Brendon even hosts a huge party for Tyler’s recovery, inviting a ton of people, most who Tyler doesn’t even recognize. Josh introduces him to Patrick and Pete and Dallon and a ton of other people who try to give him hugs (Josh shoots them down) and tell him how happy they are to see he’s alive and functioning. Right after that party Tyler was so overwhelmed he burst into tears.

“Why are you crying?” Josh asks, and Tyler sniffs, wiping his nose with the sleeve of Josh’s hoodie. (That was another thing Jenna packed that Josh let him keep.)

“All those people Josh. They all know who I am. They are all friends with me and I can’t remember a single person. I don’t-” he breaks down into sobs once more and Josh pulls him close, running his fingers through Tyler’s hair, whispering in his ear that it was going to be okay. Tyler believes him.

Brendon and Dallon are gone now, venturing out onto their own tour with the rest of Panic. Josh tells Tyler that one morning when he asks why Brendon hasn’t been back over. Tyler tries to ignore how sad Josh looks at the mention of a tour.

“Are you okay?” Tyler questions at Josh’s hanging head. He perks back up with a small smile.

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just weird is all, having all this free time. We toured so much I basically lived out of a suitcase.”

“I’m sorry,” Tyler replies, and Josh shakes his head.

“It’s okay Tyler. It’s actually kind of nice to have free time. What are you feeling up to today? What if we grabbed something to eat and came back to watch some Netflix?”

“Can we watch _New Girl_?" Josh laughs at Tyler’s excited expression. He had gotten Tyler hooked on that show.

“Duh.”

Tyler goes to therapy on Tuesdays and Thursdays. If Tyler is up for it, Josh will show him pictures, and tell him about the concerts and shows. He even finally lets Tyler come into his bedroom.

Tyler stares at the drumset when he walks in. Josh had been really protective of his bedroom, never wanting Tyler to come in it. He sort of guessed this was the reason why.

They have the band logo on them.

“These are custom,” Josh says, rubbing his neck awkwardly. “I haven’t touched them since you moved in.”

“Woah,” Tyler responds in disbelief. He looks up at Josh. “Can I touch them?”

“Go for it. You play too.”

“I do?” Tyler sits down and runs his fingers over the cymbals. This is what Josh does for a living. Music is what they do for a living.

“Yeah. I mean, obviously you don’t play a ton, but you have some drumming experience.” He shrugs.

“Will you play for me?”

“Seriously?” Josh looks confused at the fact that Tyler would even ask such a question. But Tyler feels ready to venture back into the world of music. He knows almost all the words to _Stressed Out_ now. Josh had told him that didn’t count, but Tyler couldn’t deny the happiness that twinkled in his eyes.

“Yeah! Maybe I’ll feel the power of the beat and jump back into reality.”

Josh rolls his eyes, but a smile slides onto his face. “Okay, move over.” Tyler happily obliges, taking a seat cross legged on Josh’s bed as Josh sits behind his drumset. He sighs loudly, soaking it all in.

And when he starts to play, Tyler’s eyes are frozen on the beauty of Josh’s passion. He feels it in his chest why Josh was the person he played music with.

 

_“Josh, I think I could do this the rest of my life,” he says, Josh’s arm tight around his shoulders as they both stare into a sea of people cheering for them. Josh sighs into his ear._

_“Me too.”_

 

He gasps, tumbling off the bed onto the floor. Tyler’s body feels rigid, unable to move. He _remembered_ something. Holy _crap,_  he remembered!

“Tyler?” Josh stops, his eyes wide as he moves quickly to Tyler’s side. “Are you okay? Did you get hurt?”

“The crowd Josh.” Tyler pushes himself off the ground so fast he gets a headrush. He ignores it. “I remember the crowd. I remember people cheering. I remember the feeling of doing that for the rest of my life.” He blinks. “It was such a great feeling.”

“Oh my god!” Josh laughs loudly, falling back onto the floor. “You remembered something!”

“It’s not much,” Tyler starts, bringing his friend back down from the clouds, “but feelings turn into memories.”

“We’re getting somewhere.” Josh pulls him into a hug and laughs again.

\---

Josh increases the amount of time they spend talking about Tyler’s life before the accident simply because he believes that it will help. So far nothing more has happened besides Tyler getting a bit too overwhelmed.

He sleeps a lot more than he used too, and once Josh has to take him to the ER because his head was hurting too bad.

“I’m sorry for pushing you,” Josh mumbles into his shoulder.

“It’s okay. I feel the same way about the situation. We just need to slow down is all.” Tyler smiles. “You have to call my mom. I don’t want to hear her freaking out.”

Josh sighs. “I deserve that, don’t I?”

Tyler snickers in response.

They keep people updated online, news of Tyler’s recovery and pictures of them living life. It keeps the fans happy.

Tyler continues to listen to his own albums. He does it while he gets ready in the mornings, when Josh is driving him to therapy or they’re simply driving into town. It really doesn’t do much for him, which is a bit discouraging. He keeps expecting to suddenly remember making it, but it feels like he’s simply a fan learning all the lyrics.

“What’s your favourite song by us?” Tyler asks one morning as he’s getting ready to go to therapy. It’s kind of a pain going to that place, because none of the exercises they do actually help him remember anything.

Josh pops his head into the doorway with a smile. “That depends. Listening, or performing?”

Tyler hesitates, focusing all his attention on the clothing in his drawers. “Performing,” he finally says.

“Ode to Sleep. It’s a crowd pleaser. And I like when you jump off your piano.”

“I don’t even know what I’m saying in that song,” he replies with a grin, and Josh snorts.

“I don’t either.” They share another small smile before Tyler goes back to looking for something to wear for the day. His face twists into confusion as he pulls a floral kimono out of the drawer.

“Is this Jenna’s?” he asks, completely serious, and Josh laughs at him. Tyler frowns.

“No. No, no, no, that’s yours,” he wheezes, leaning on the wall for support. Tyler continues to stare, waiting patiently Josh to finish.

“It’s mine...?”

“It’s yours!”

“Why?” Josh laughs again.

“Tyler, have you seriously not been paying attention to all those music videos and concert vids we watched? Because you wear that thing a lot.”

“I guess I never noticed.” he looks back down at it, running his fingers over the fabric. “Why am I so _weird_?"

“Not weird, unique. Now here.” Josh pulls out a plain black t-shirt and a pair of jeans. “Wear it, just for today.”

“No thanks.” Tyler starts to stuff it back into his drawer and is promptly stopped by Josh’s hand.

“Tyler, please? For me?”

He sighs, knowing it’ll be impossible for him to say no to Josh. “Alright. Whatever.” Tyler changes there, right in front of Josh, and slides the kimono over his arms. He feels ridiculous.

“You look good,” he teases, a grin on his face. Tyler storms past him.

“I hate you,” he mutters.

Later, after they get home, Josh flops down onto the couch and falls asleep. Tyler doesn’t bother him, and ventures into his room instead.

He peels off that stupid kimono and stuffs it into the back of the drawer, exchanging the rest of his clothes for sweatpants. Then he eyes the ukulele Jenna forced him to bring.

Tyler feels drawn to it, like an invisible force is pulling him towards the tiny instrument. And so he drops down onto the floor and pulls it into his lap. He strums it softly, grinning at the sound that echos around him.

 

_He walks into a music store at the corner of the street and finds something beautiful._

_“It’s called a ukulele,” the employee explains, handing the instrument to him._

_“Is it anything like guitar?” Tyler asks. He’s terrible at guitar. It's impossible to play when you have soft hands._

_“Nah. It’s got four strings. Chords are pretty easy too. You look like someone who could figure it out.”_

_He grins. “I’ll take it.”_

 

Tyler blinks himself back into reality and falls against the wall. _It’s got four strings._ “G, C, E, A,” he whispers, plucking each string. The realization hits him head on. “Holy frick.” 

Tyler remembered.

He doesn’t remember _how_ to play it, but he remembers enough to know that he bought it and played it and wrote songs with it. He rubs his forehead gingerly and stuffs the uke back into the corner.

Tyler probably should tell Josh about this, but he kind of doesn’t want too. He wants to remember how to play it, or teach himself once more, just so he can see Josh’s face light up. He wants it to be bigger than this.

Because he still can’t remember Josh as a person, or as a friend, or as a possible lover. And he wants to. He thinks he should before he tells Josh about all of this.

\---

It;s almost six o’clock in the evening when Tyler shakes Josh awake from his nap. “Can we get Taco Bell for dinner?”

Josh chuckles. “Sure. Let me wake up first.”

“I can drive,” Tyler says. “I remember how. I had my license.”

“Don’t even think about it. I remember how teenagers drive.”

“I’m not actually a teenager,” mutters Tyler and Josh chuckles again, running a hand through his hair groggily.

“We’ll see about that tomorrow, okay?” Tyler pouts, but nods his head. “You didn’t have to let me sleep for this long Ty. You must have been bored out of your mind.”

“Nah, I kept myself entertained.” he watched YouTube tutorials on ukulele basics, but Josh didn’t need to know that.

“Cool. Grab my keys for me, will you?” Josh pushes himself off the sofa and slips on some shoes as Tyler snatches his wallet and car keys from the kitchen counter. Tyler opens the door, but Josh ushers him out first. They walk to the parking garage quietly, Tyler’s attention focused on the cement, Josh’s on his car.

The minute they’re pulling out of the garage, Josh opens his mouth. “How’s therapy going by the way?”

Tyler shrugs. “Alright. It must be doing something if I keep going.”

“You don’t have to go if you don’t like it. No one can force you to do that. Besides, I’m your legal guardian right now. You live with me.” he grins and Tyler shakes his head jokingly.

“It’s fine. It’s good for me.”

“Good. Remember anything else yet?”

“No,” he lies. “But I get these weird feelings sometimes when I see things in videos or when you talk about them. Maybe that means something? Like my body remembers but my brain doesn’t?”

Josh nods his head, his eyes on all the cars slowing to a stop in front of him. Stupid L.A. traffic. “Have you told you therapist that?”

“No. I’ll do that next time.”

“Good.” Silence fills the car once more, and Tyler takes the opportunity to say something stupid.

“I get those weird feelings when I think about you,” he says quietly. Josh slams on his breaks to avoid hitting the car in front of him and looks over at Tyler with an almost nervous expression on his face.

“Is that you remembering our friendship?”

“Something like that.” Tyler smiles softly, folding his arms across his chest as Josh looks back towards the highway.

“Tyler,” Josh sighs, his tone warning, and Tyler dismisses him.

“You know what I’m talking about Josh. I know you do.”

Josh doesn’t reply.


	7. Mistakes and Misery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler shouldn't have done that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yikes this is angsty

Things become very awkward after that.

They really don’t interact unless they have too, meaning when Josh takes Tyler to therapy or they go and get food. Tyler doesn’t even bring up the fact that Josh was going to let him drive.

And he supposes it was his fault in the first place. He shouldn’t have brought up having feelings for Josh, but they’re reaching the two month mark of Tyler coming to stay with him and it’s about damn time.

Plus, Tyler remembers something else.

 

_ Josh, with his shaggy, chocolate brown hair and white gauges reaches for Tyler’s hand. Tyler shrugs him away. _

_ “Tyler, please listen to me. I told you I was willing to make this work-” _

_ “Yeah? Well you lied.” _

_ “I didn’t lie!” he raises his voice in frustration. “It’s just, there’s only two of us Tyler. We have no crew to help us, no manager to organize things for us, no nothing. I want to do this band thing Ty, I really do. And I want to have a relationship with you at the same time. But if our relationship goes south, I don’t want the band to be affected. I just think we should think things over before we continue.” _

_ Tyler sighs. “Look. I’ve never... I’ve never done this before, this whole relationship thing, with someone I like as much as I like you. And believe me when I say I like you a lot. Like, a lot. And I love this music thing a lot too. I don’t want to lose you, and if you think that postponing our relationship will help the band, then I’ll willing to do that.” _

_ “I don’t think we need to call it quits right this second. I’m saying we need to make a plan.” _

_ Tyler nods. “Okay. The minute things get heated and we need some time, we end the relationship, no questions asked. The band comes first. Deal?” _

_ “Deal.” _

 

Oooooh, he could feel it in his bones that he and Josh had something. He knows the aching pain in his chest wasn’t by accident, and he knows he needs to talk to Josh about it. He needs answers.

He barges into Josh’s room not expecting him to be in tears.

“Josh?” Tyler says softly, making his way around the bed where Josh is curled in blankets. “What’s wrong?”

“N-Nothing,” he stammers, pulling himself up. Josh sniffs, and rubs his already raw eyes. “I’m fine.”

“No you’re not. Please talk to me.” Tyler lays a hand on Josh’s leg as a form of comfort, and tightens it when Josh sighs.

“It’s kind of stupid really.”

“I doubt that. Come on, I know we haven’t spoken in quite a few days, but I’m still here for you.”

“But you aren’t Tyler, because you don’t remember who I am, who we were. And I know you remembered like one thing, but it’s so hard for me to live like this. I tried to keep my smile for you, but I’m falling apart.”

Tyler takes his hand away. Josh is right. He can’t really be there for someone if he doesn’t know who they are as a person. And he actually knows very little about Josh.

But Tyler knows he’s in love with him, and he knows at one point Josh was in love with him too. So he does the stupidest thing ever.

He kisses Josh.

Josh squeaks in surprise, but doesn’t pull away. In fact, he melts into Tyler’s touch, moving his hands down to Tyler’s hips, pushing back against his lips. Tyler sighs happily. He forgets about the fact that he didn’t have any high school relationships, and that this feels like his first kiss, although it isn’t. But he’s kissing like he knows how and it feels so  _ familiar _ to have Josh touching him.

“Tyler, no.” Josh finally breaks away, scooting back away from the wide eyed man. “We can’t, you’re  _ married _ Tyler-”

“I don’t care. I don’t have feelings for her. I have feelings for you.”

“That doesn’t matter! It still doesn’t change the fact that-”

“I know we had a relationship once upon a time. I remembered it.” Tyler stares at Josh with a clenched jaw. “You had dark hair.”

A sigh. Josh picks at his comforter and runs a hand through his hair. “2011. That’s when it started.”

Tyler gestures for him to continue.

“We had met a couple of years earlier and we just... we hit it off. I’m not even sure what happened, we just started making out all the time, and then I guess it was official. It was only us two in the band, and we spent so much time together that it just made sense.”

“We were in love,” Tyler adds, and Josh nods his head.

“We were hopelessly, stupidly in love. But things got complicated. Our parents couldn’t know about it, the fans couldn’t know about it, our own friends couldn’t know about it, and it got to be too much for either of us to handle. We didn’t want the band to fall apart because we couldn’t keep our emotions to ourselves. And so we stopped things. It really wasn’t too big of an issue at first, because nothing had ended on bad terms, and we were still really good friends. We dated other people. And as the band grew, so did our friendship, and the number of people we took with us. It was probably a good idea we stopped the relationship when we did.” Josh sighs again. “You started, I guess, we started, to make all those jokes in interviews and stuff. Honestly it really sucked that you always did that. Hit too close to home. But that’s besides the point. One day you told me about this girl you had met and that’s all you ever talked about. Jenna this, Jenna that, Jenna and I are going out. And I offered as much support as I could towards you, because it had been a few years since we were together and I wanted you to be happy Ty, I really did. But I was still in love with you.” Josh pauses to smile, his attention still on the loose strings he picked into his hands. “And then you gave in. We were both a little buzzed, and next thing I knew we were naked, and then it got out of hand. The next morning you felt so guilty you went and told her and made it look like all my fault and I got so pissed off we didn’t talk for a few weeks. Obviously things got better, since you married her. You asked me to be your best man.” he scoffs. “I can’t believe you did that to me.”

“I’m so sorry Josh,” Tyler whispers. He feels terrible, not only because he did that to Josh, but because he can’t remember any of this.

“Oh, and then you fucking gave in again. And the worst part is, I participated in it because I was so fucking head over heels for you. And as we lay naked in my bed you know what you said to me? You told me you still loved me. And that you wished things could have been different. The day after the show you fell at, we were supposed to have lunch with Jenna so we could tell her once again that it had been all my fault, because you didn’t want to admit you agreed to a marriage you couldn’t commit to. So I was always your scapegoat.”

“Josh-”

“I’m not going to lie, when I found out you couldn’t remember any of that, I felt a little relieved. I could keep my secrets to myself, and maybe that was the trade for you not remembering who I was. But you were so nosey that couldn’t happen. And here we are.”

“I’m so sorry, I wish I could do something to fix all the terrible things I did to you. I abused our friendship. I abused our relationship. But please, you have to believe me when I say that the minute I woke up I had feelings for you. I obviously did before hand, but I was infatuated with you, not Jenna. And she’s so, so nice, one of the kindest people I’ve ever met, but I just, I don’t see her like I see you. If I truly never fully regain my memories, I just want you to know that.”

“It’s a little too late to go back Tyler.”

“I know.”

“I’d like to be by myself for a little while if you don’t mind.” He sniffs, burying himself back underneath all his blankets. With a short nod, Tyler shuffles across the hall to his room and crawls into his own bed.

He starts to cry. How terrible of a person could he really be? You didn’t  _ do _ that to a person. Maybe all that fame really did go to his head.

Well, if that’s the case, Tyler doesn’t want anything to do with it.

He’s done with music. He’s done with the band. He’s done with fame, with wealth, with everything. He wishes he would have stuck to basketball.

He wishes he would have never met Josh.

Tyler closes his eyes and tries to forget who he is.

 

_ “Tyler, we can’t do this.” _

_ “Of course we can.” _


	8. Annoyance and Accountability

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler goes back home. What else can he do, really?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm going on vacation so this will most likely be the last thing posted until I get back. I'll try and see if I can get one update in on either this or the lam remake later this week.

The next morning Tyler calls his mother, because he really needs someone to talk to. He knows himself well enough to understand that he was never fully straight, that he loved Josh with his whole heart, and got scared into following society’s rules.

“Honey? Are you okay?”

“Momma,” he replies back, blinking back tears. “I made Josh angry. And I don’t think I’ll be able to make things right.”

She sighs. “Did you remember something?”

“I remembered a couple of things. They happened so quick I got lost in the moment and here we are.”

“Tell me what you remember sweetheart, let’s see if I can help you out.”

“Well uhm,” he swallows loudly, “I remembered the crowd. That was a good feeling.”

“That’s a start Tyler!”

“I remembered the ukulele strings. I don’t know how to play it very well, but I know what to do with it.” After his mother is done praising him, Tyler takes a deep breath. He knows he probably shouldn’t be telling his mother about this. He isn’t sure how she will respond.

But Tyler is desperate for advice.

“I remembered my relationship with Josh.”

She cheers. “Honey, that’s incredible!”

“No. Not our friendship. Like... we were dating.” he sits in silence for a minute, gnawing on his thumbnail out of worry to what she would say. And finally, a long breath falls from her side.

“What year?” is all she says.

“2011. That’s what Josh said. He told me we ended it after a while to protect the band. But the problem is, after I started dating other people, and Jenna I guess, I couldn’t give him up. And so I cheated.” the tears start falling. “I can’t remember doing that to him, or to Jenna, and my heart is breaking Mom. He’s so upset with me, and we were supposed to tell Jenna but then I got in this accident, and I don’t think I can tell her, not when I can’t even remember doing it in the first place. She’s nice and she’s been so much help, but I can’t-” he chokes, using his free hand to wipe away escaping tears. “I feel it Mom. I know that I was in love with Josh and I know that I’m still in love with Josh. But it can’t happen. And so I’m stuck.”

“Honey,” his mother starts off, almost as if she’s picking her words very carefully, “you know we love Josh with all our hearts. He’s been a big blessing to us, and it’s not unusual to fall in love with your best friend. But you’ve only been married a year Tyler, and if you can’t stop thinking about Josh... I don’t know. I don’t know what you should do. But I do know that you need to sit down and talk with Jenna face to face.”

“I’ll fly back home,” Tyler agrees.

“Do you think Josh will help you?”

He nods. “He won’t like it, but I know he will.”

“I love you honey, and we all make mistakes. You just have to take responsibility for them. I want you to be happy. And if you aren’t happy with Jenna, then I want you to do what you think is best. I’m proud of you Ty, for everything you’ve accomplished.”

“That’s what started this problem in the first place,” he sighs. They exchange another round of “I love you’s” and goodbyes before Tyler falls to his pillow in defeat. He needs to make things right.

Tyler can remember bits of pieces of the events that took place. He remembers the early relationship with Josh, he remembers the feelings of secrecy and he remembers the guilt that always trailed behind him. He knows enough to tell Jenna everything.

\---

He waits for Josh to get up before he asks him the question.

“Josh?” Tyler’s voice is quiet as he follow him into the living room. Josh doesn’t even acknowledge him. “I wanna fly back to Columbus.”

“Yeah,” Josh snickers. “That’s probably a good idea.”

“I’m so sorry Josh. You don’t have to accept that apology, but I know what I did was wrong, and I’m going to fix it. I’m learning who I am from who I was, and things have to change. It’s up to me to do that.”

He pauses from getting down his coffee mug and turns to stare at Tyler. “What are you planning on doing?”

“I’m going to fix things.”

Josh helps Tyler get his plane ticket later that day. They pack in silence and Tyler is reminded oh too much of his first days with Josh.

The next day, Josh drives Tyler to the airport. They still don’t speak to one another, but that doesn’t stop Josh from leading Tyler to his gate.

“Thank you,” Tyler mumbles. He was terrified he’d get lost or something.

“I’m sorry things didn’t work out.” Josh sounds tired and defeated. It breaks Tyler’s heart even more.

“I remembered some stuff. It wasn’t a complete failure. And besides. I know how to play ukulele now.” he smiles softly, wishing he could have executed the big reveal he had planned ever since he remembered.

“Good. Keep practicing. I know it may not seem like it, but music is an important thing in your life. Keep it that way, for me.”

“This isn’t goodbye you know.”

Josh sighs. “It is for now.”

Tyler wants to hug him, but he doesn’t move. Just watches as Josh walks away and melts back into the crowd of people.

He boards the plane with his head down and tries not to cry. He fails. So instead, he wipes away fallen tears, turns to look out the window, and puts on some music. Tyler listens to  _ Regional at Best. _  He knows it was the first album he and Josh worked on together, and Tyler feels every wave of depression he suffered through.

He needs to make things better.

\---

When he lands in Columbus, it’s Jenna who is waiting for him.

He stares at her guiltily before trudging over to her car, his suitcase thumping behind him.

“Hey Ty,” she says softly, a small smile rising to her lips. “It’s good to see you again.”

“Yeah,” he replies. She helps him get his suitcase into the trunk before they each slide into their seats. Tyler can’t help but notice she’s looking at him as she pulls into traffic. “Jenna, can we talk?”

“I was going to say just that.” Jenna sniffs. “I think we should get a divorce.”

“What?!” he turns to look at her, his mouth open. He can see she’s crying.  _ No, _ he thinks,  _ I’m supposed to be making things better! _

“I know you don’t remember much Tyler, but over the course of the year you haven’t told me you loved me once. And you don’t seem happy. I don’t even think I’m happy. I think we rushed into things way too quickly, and happiness is something everyone deserves in their lifetime. Please don’t think I want this just because you got amnesia. This has been something that’s been unavoidable from the start.”

She was right. He could remember the feelings he had around her. They had been floating around unnamed in his head, but he knows now.

“You’re one of my closest friends,” Tyler whispers. He can feel his own tears now.

“And you’re one of mine. But we deserve to be happy Ty, and being stuck in a marriage neither one of us are passionate about is going to achieve that goal. We can still be friends. Don’t think we'll ever not be friends. We just need to find new people that bring us that joy. Tyler, there is someone who brings you joy every single day you’re with him. I know you love him.” she glances over at Tyler once more, but this time, there’s a smile on her face. “I know he loves you. And I think it was stupid for you guys to break it off. Whatever you two did, it’s fine. I know we rushed things. I know you were scared of what your parents would think if you didn’t have a girlfriend and I was more than happy to be the person to satisfy their wishes. But now Tyler, it’s time for the two of us to move on.”

“I’m so sorry,” he spits out. “I never wanted to hurt you and I never wanted to hurt Josh and it  _ sucks _ not being able to remember any of it. But I know how guilty I was, and I know I took the chance to put the blame on everyone but me. But it’s my fault. It was all my fault and it sucks that it took me suffering from a head injury to see that.”

Jenna’s smile remains on her face. “It’s okay Tyler. I forgive you. It’s really not that big of a deal. We can still be friends and I’ll still get in on all that juicy drama.”

“What if Josh doesn’t-”

“He will. I know he will.” she pauses. “You were pretty mature for a teenager.”

“Shush,” Tyler replies, but red spreads across his nose. “Thank you for this. For being patient with me.”

“What’s a friend for anyways, huh? Now am I taking you to your parents house?”

“Yeah. That’d be nice.” he looks over at her with another smile, guilt still clawing at his stomach. He really couldn’t tell how she felt about their relationship. “Jenna?”

“Tyler.”

“Did you ever love me?”

He can tell she’s thinking about it as she drives. She’s focused, eyes on the road as a hand pushes a stray strand of hair off her forehead and her teeth roll over her bottom lip. “No,” she finally says, and Tyler lets out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. “We were both so distracted Ty, and I mean it when I say that. I’m just glad we’re having this conversation now instead of later when we’re five years into an unhappy marriage. Look around at all the bickering old couples who should have divorced. Having feelings for someone and loving them are two different things.”

“Yeah, he agrees. “I suppose they are.”

“I’ll handle everything, alright? The divorce papers and whatnot. I’m sure it will be understandable considering your current state.”

“Thank you.”

“We’ll talk about this with our parents too. I’m sure they’ll understand. I’m sure they uh, noticed how distracted we were.”

“Did I ever really get to see you?” Tyler turns into his seat with worry. “If I was on tour all the time-”

“Not really, but towards the the end you did bring me along. That was nice, but you were still acted distant.”

“I’m sorry.”

“We can’t keep wasting apologies Tyler. Things will get better because of this, okay?”

“Okay.”

\---

Tyler’s reunion with his parents is short and sweet. He and Jenna both sit down with his parents to deliver the news. Tyler’s mother takes it well, simply because she already knew it was coming, but his father seems taken aback by it. He doesn’t say a word, but Tyler can read his body language to know he’s upset.

“Your father will come around,” his mother whispers in his ear after Jenna left with promise she would tell her parents as well. “He doesn’t know the things that I do. But I promise we will both be here to support you.”

Tyler only sighs.

He lays in bed that night with a heavy heart. Tyler knows Jenna told him she was okay, but it didn’t really feel that way. He still can’t remember much, Josh hates him, and now he has to go through a divorce without really knowing anything about it. This is a lot for a 17 year old to go through in one single day.

So Tyler tries to distract himself. He goes on Twitter and scrolls aimlessly, smiling quietly to himself at memes and pictures and scrolling quicker when he gets to pictures of him and Josh or anything that has to do with the cursed band.

But then something catches his eye.

It was an interview with an L.A. radio station posted within the hour titled “Don’t Expect Twenty One Pilots to Return Anytime Soon” and Tyler clicks on it out of curiosity and worry.

“So I’m sure everyone and their mothers know about Tyler’s accident,” the interviewer says. It’s a guy that looks vaguely familiar to him. Tyler assumes maybe he had seen another interview with the same guy.

Josh chuckles nervously and brushes his hand across the brim of his hat. He’s wearing a black hoodie - the very one in fact Tyler had left behind - and it makes him suspicious. “Yeah, that was a tough thing on all of us.”

“How has he been doing? It’s been a few months since we got to speak with you guys, did I see that Tyler was out here for a little while? Where’s the singer now?”

“Uh, yeah, he was out here for a few months, uhm, he got a little homesick. It’s always hard you know, being away from home, especially when you can’t really remember or relate to anything. Things have been pretty tough for him but he’s strong.”

“I can only imagine what it’s like for you Josh, especially when he can’t remember the band and all the success you guys have had.”

“No, actually, I think going back to the days before have really been good for him. I hadn’t really realized how much of a toll the stress of touring and writing and the fans and stuff had put on him and even now as he’s recovering he’s been wary and stressed. I can only imagine though. Waking up to be told you’re in a band is crazy.”

“Especially when it’s one of the most popular bands in the world huh?”

Josh laughs again. “No, I wouldn’t say that. I’m just happy he’s doing alright. He’s learning how to live in the world again, and everyone just has to be patient.”

“So, where is Tyler now? And do you have an update on progress to report?”

“He’s back in Columbus for now, and he’s starting to vaguely remember some things. Like I said, we just need to be patient.”

“What’s the future look like for Twenty One Pilots?”

Josh sighs. “Honestly, it doesn’t look good right now. We’ve been off the map for a while and it’s about time someone comes and says the truth. As of now, Tyler doesn’t want anything to do with the band or music in general, and that’s his choice. Until he remembers what it did for him, we need to respect that. As for me, I might fill in as a touring drummer, I don’t know. It’s been too long for me to go without doing what I love and if I can’t get up there with Tyler and do it, then I need to take matters into my own hands.”

The interviewer nods with a shocked expression on his face. “Alright then, you heard it here! Josh Dun from-” Tyler exits out of the video before he can hear anymore and punches his pillow. He doesn’t know why he feels so upset or betrayed, considering what he did to Josh was way worse, but there’s no denying the feeling clawing in his stomach.

_ Josh is supposed to play music with me, ME! Not ANYONE ELSE! _

But Tyler knows this is his punishment. He stares at Josh’s contact in his phone before shoving it under his pillow, as if that would make Josh suddenly call and apologize for that mess of an interview. He ignores the wetness on his face and forces himself to fall asleep.


	9. Sweet and Sour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world blossoms into a billion shades of black and white.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have returned from vacation!
> 
> Shoutout to Marsakat for helping me make this chapter to its fullest, I apologize if some things are inaccurate, but hey. Roll with it, for me.

He really does try and contact Josh, but you can only call, text, so many times, can only leave so many voicemails, before it becomes obvious the other party wants absolutely nothing to do with you. Tyler even takes to direct messaging, trying on all kinds of social media platforms, but Josh never responds.

In fact, as the weeks go by, Tyler discovers Josh is back on tour, traveling as a fill in drummer for a band Tyler has never even heard of. But he looks happy, full of life, and that’s all that matters to Tyler. If Josh doesn’t want to speak to him, then he’s going to respect that.

Life is already stressful enough for him as it is. He’s living with his parents, remembering things here and there, and oh yeah, going through a divorce. There’s all kinds of people in suits trying to speak with him, saying phrases he’s never heard of, (legal terms none the doubt) and it’s a little overwhelming. Jenna keeps his head up, pats his knee, tells him things are going to be just fine, and that you have to hit the lows before you can make your way up the ladder.

Tyler doesn't really understand a ton of what is going on, but he knows enough to figure out the process is going to take a while and this is just the beginning.

And so he busies himself, hoping that by sleeping in late, throwing some hoops, messing around with the Internet, talking to friends, taking showers, will distract him from what's actually going on. And it sort of works, for a few weeks. His parents get him back into therapy appointments and speak with him about progress a lot. Without them telling him what he needs to do, Tyler would be lost.

He also follows Josh online just simply to see what he's up to. It's hard for Tyler to not have Josh in his life, especially now that he knows what went down. Tyler remembers a few more things here and there, but it's seeing pictures of Josh in exoctic lands and smiling with fans that makes Tyler's heart hurt and his brain itch. He wishes the man would accept his phone calls so he could speak with him.

But Josh no longer wants Tyler in his life, and Tyler has to accept that. He lost his best friend because he was an idiot, and he lost his wife because he was an asshole.

He doesn't want to say he’s slipping into depression, but it might seem that way to the outside. His therapist actually prescribes pills, but those never work. Tyler begins to spend most of his time in his bed. He lacks energy to eat, to shower, to write, to do anything really. Occasionally he gets online to see what's going on but it's never good things. Most people are commenting on the fact that Twenty One Pilots are officially on hiatus. It breaks Tyler’s heart further seeing how much many are disappointed in that. He wonders how the crew is taking things.

Tyler remembers his crew well. He recounts long nights in the bus where they would talk about everything from what was on TV to the weather in the upcoming state. The crew meant everything to Tyler and Josh, and Tyler has ripped everything away from everybody.

He hears people whisper about him and his current state. Tyler wonders if life would be better without him in it. Josh’s certainly seems to be. Jenna’s certainly seems to be. And if he wasn't holding down his parents, perhaps their lives would be better as well. He knows these feelings very well, the only problem is that Tyler isn't sure whether it's 17 year old depression or 27 year old depression. Perhaps it's a little bit of both.

Either way, Tyler wishes he had something to make himself feel better. He wishes he had the power to write those beautiful words he found in his notes, wishes he could turn back time and make everything right. It's a shame life doesn't work that way.

Even more so that Tyler can only do so much.

\---

A month passes.

The divorce continues, Tyler drowns in piles of legal papers and in the thoughts swimming in his own head. He barely eats, barely showers, barely even leaves his own room. Tyler knows people are worried about him. His parents try and speak to him about his current state but Tyler only dismisses them. They stopped trying to make him go to therapy a long time ago.

His mother brings up food for him to eat and refuses to leave until he finishes all of it. Tyler’s wrist shakes as he eats and half the time he's forcing himself simply so his mother stops fretting. He feels sick to his stomach most days and often finds himself draped over the toilet just in case.

It's a Friday night when Tyler forces himself to sit up. The bedside clock reads 9:05 pm when he glances over before reaching to pull his phone off the charger. He hasn't been online in three days and is getting kind of concerned to what's going on in the world outside of his dark bedroom.

People are worried, that's the first thing he realizes. Worried to why Tyler has been off the grid, worried to why Jenna changed “Jenna Joseph” on Twitter back to “Jenna Black” and why Josh refuses to answer any questions related to Tyler. (He found a tweet in which Josh specifically said “I have no right to answer any questions about Tyler’s current state. Stop asking.”) It doesn't even matter in the end because Josh blocked him on everything.

With a groan, Tyler sets his phone back on the bedside table and stares up at the dark ceiling. He wishes he had the strength and determination to get his life back together.

“A shower might help,” he murmurs, forcing himself to peel back the covers and climb out of bed. He's pretty sure the last time he showered was almost two weeks ago, if not more, which is beyond gross. He's surprised his parents haven't mentioned anything to him about it.

So Tyler cranks the water as hot as he can handle, strips out of the clothes he’s been wearing for days and crawls under the stream with a sigh of relief. It's refreshing after so long of wallowing in his own filth.

He feels weak and notices he’s way skinnier than he remembers. Maybe it's because he never eats or leaves his room. That would damage his strength for sure.

“Idiot,” Tyler mumbles, resting his forehead against the cool tile of the shower wall. He is one. He's ruined everything.

Tyler isn't sure how long he stays with his forehead pressed against the tile but when he finally pulls away his fingers are pruning and he decides he should probably wash his hair or something to make the trip not completely worthless. He takes a deep breath and reaches for the shampoo bottle, squirting a little in his hands.

His eyelids flutter right as he throws his hands out to grasp the wall; Tyler suddenly feels short of breath and light headed, and before he knows it he’s slipping and everything goes black.

\---

Tyler’s mother is the one to find him.

She hears the shower running and a sense of relief flows over her at the thought of her son doing something besides lying in bed. She knows it's not his fault and she wants to do everything she can to help him, but it's hard. Tyler doesn't want to listen.

It’s simply luck that Mrs. Joseph finds her son. She turns the doorknob only to grab the lotion bottle out and notices through the frosted glass a lump on the ground.

A blood curdling scream alerts Mr. Joseph to come upstairs.

There Tyler lays unconscious, blood pooling from a small cut on the back of his head. It's already starting to swell with a suave of blues and purples, and when his mother feels for a pulse, she cries harder as she struggles to find it.

As she wraps him up in a towel and cradles him in her arms, Tyler father calls 911. He runs his hand through his hair, explaining to the paramedics what happened as calmly as possible with his wife in hysterics next to him. After they tell him the ambulance was on the way, he spends the next few minutes calling everyone to let them know what happened to Tyler. He even calls Josh, although it goes straight to voicemail.

“Hey Josh,” he starts off quietly as he ventures to the front of the house to watch for the ambulance. “I know we haven't talked to you in a while and I have no clue where you are at the moment, but Tyler had an accident and he’s back at the hospital. It's the same one as last time. I'm sure he'd love to see you if you could come. Tyler has been going through some rough times lately and I think seeing you might be good for him. He...” A sigh. “He’s not doing good Josh. Whatever problems you and him have, I'm begging you to put them aside for now. Tyler needs his best friend. Anyways, you know where to reach me. Take care.” He slips his phone into his pocket and continues to stare out the window.

At the hospital, Tyler is hooked up to all kinds of machines and given lots of painkillers and medicines. The doctor adjusts his IVs - there's one on his forearm and one on the top of his hand - and explains he’ll be just fine.

“Won't do wonders for his head, seeing he already suffered a head injury, but he’ll recover within a few days. Nothing more than some headaches from lack of nutrition and sleep, as the results here prove. I wouldn't worry too much about it.”

“Any idea of when he’ll wake up?” Asks Tyler’s mother as she curls further into her husband’s arm. The doctor scratches at his head.

“Most likely sometime tomorrow. The drugs we gave him will make him sleep for a little while. He needs it. The man looks way worse than just a head injury.”

“Well yeah, he hasn't been eating or sleeping. All the boy does is sit in the dark.”

“Is he showing signs of depression?”

The parents share a sad look before Mr. Joseph nods his head. “Yes.”

The doctor sighs. “I'm sorry. I'll see if there is anything we can do for that. Anywho, you're more than welcome to stay with him. I promise he’ll be fine.”

“Thank you doctor.” One more smile and the man disappears throughout the door.

A tired mother begins to cry and her husband wraps his arms tighter around his wife. “We failed Chris.”

“We did no such thing sweetheart. He's struggling and that's a part of life. Things will get better.”

“What if he never wants to get back into music?”

“Then we support him with whatever else he decides to do. He's a Joseph and a tough one too. He’ll get through this. We will all get through this, and we will be here for him every moment of it.”

She sniffs. “Did you tell the kids?”

“Yes. They'll be up sometime tomorrow. Jay is still at his friend’s house. Should we get him tonight?”

“No, he's fine staying there, it's too late.” A pause. “Did you tell Mark and Jenna?”

“Yes. Jenna is coming up later tonight and Mark should be here tomorrow morning.”

“Josh?”

Tyler’s father shakes his head. “Nothing.”

She sighs. “Tyler really did him wrong.”

“I hope he doesn't ask for Josh. I really don't want to see his face when we have to tell him no.”

“Don't we all.” They fall asleep a little while later hand in hand in their plastic chairs.

\---

Tyler doesn't wake up until a little past noon, and it's utter madness, filled with friends, family, nurses, and doctors coming in and out. He explains to them he fell before he hit his head and it's probably nothing to worry about, but the bruises are pretty nasty, and he has dried blood matted in his hair.

His head is pounding beyond all belief and Tyler really isn't sure whether it's a headache or a combination of all the stress and lack of nutrition and energy. (He assumes both.) All he can think of is the first time he woke up in the hospital, only difference is he actually remembers what happened. He takes a brief moment to reflect on the fact that his mother discovered him naked when he actually passed out and allows his face to blossom red as his parents talk to him.

“Do you remember what happened?” asks his mother with worry. She has a shaky hand raised to her mouth and Tyler sighs. It had never been his intent to stress his parents out.

“Yeah, I passed out in the shower and hit my head. Want me to keep going? Cause life is pretty awesome right now! I'm getting divorced, my best friend hates my guts, I fell at one of my shows-” Tyler pauses, his eyes growing wide. “Oh my god. I remember the shows!”

His parents share a look that he can only describe as pure happiness. His mother cheers, pulls her husband into a hug, and then turns to hug Tyler. “I'm so happy for you!”

“Do you remember anything else?”

Tyler thinks about it. “Probably. I'm a little brain dead at the moment. I'm hurting.”

“We’ll get the nurse to get you some medicine. Oh honey, I'm so glad you're okay.” She smiles softly, kisses Tyler’s cheek before rushing out the door.

“I'm sure Zack, Maddy and Jay will want to see you. Mark and Jenna too.” says his father.

“Let them in so I don't go bored out of my mind.”

“The meds will probably knock you back out.” Tyler's father smiles, but Tyler can tell his eyes are wet. “Tyler, Tyler, Tyler. You've been through so much these past several months. And I'm so proud of how tough you are.”

Tyler chuckles quietly, grimacing slightly and immediately regretting it. _That damn headache._ “Yeah. It's been a lot.” A pause. “Did you-”

His father knows what Tyler wants and feels disappointed he can't give it to him. After all he's been through, he truly believes Tyler deserves to be happy. “Josh didn't answer. I left a voicemail, but it's safe to assume-”

“He's not coming. Yeah. I figured.” Tyler sighs. “Thank you guys for everything. You're the best parents I could have asked for.”

“Love you Ty,” says his father, and he kisses his son on the top of his head before leaving the room. Tyler snuggles back into the uncomfortable hospital bed and stares at the ceiling.

He's a fucking mess, isn't he?

\---

Tyler's friends distract him for a while. He talks to Mark about remembering the early tour days, photos and concerts with twenty people and the one time he caught them having sex.

“Right in the fucking room next to me you sick freaks,” he gags teasingly but a smile remains on his face as Tyler blushes severely. He wishes he could remembers those times with Josh, because in all honesty it's weird knowing that Josh knows more about his body than he does.

They talk about photoshoots and music videos too, and Mark is definitely more ecstatic, most likely because he actually _knows and remembers._

Tyler makes a small exchange with Jenna as well. She smiles softly, encouragingly, and pats his knee. He _hates_ how awkward things have become between them.

“I'm so glad you're okay,” she whispers. “When your dad told me, I got so worried.”

“I was clumsy is all,” promises Tyler. “I'm fine. They're only keeping me here longer because of what happened previously.”

“You could have made your concussion worse, forgot who you were maybe.”

“But I didn't. And I remember more now. A ton more.”

“That's awesome Tyler. I'm really happy things are getting better now.” Jenna takes a deep breath and bunches the fabric of the hospital blankets in her hands. “I'm going to Spain for a month or so. I figured we probably need some away time. Really all we are waiting for is a court date, we signed all the papers and stuff...” She trails off.

“No, right. That's fine. I got you.”

“I think it'd be good for you to do the same thing. You deserve a good vacation, one without shows and stress clouding your good vibes.”

“Yeah,” Tyler agrees. He’s on autopilot, just to make her happy, to make up for all the trouble and terrible shit he caused. But if he's being honest, he’ll probably never go on vacation. He’ll go back to the darkness of his room and lock himself back away because that's what he _deserves._

Jenna pats him on the knee once more and smiles that forced, broken smile. “You call me if you need me okay? I'm always here if you need to talk.”

“Of course.” Tyler watches her walk across the room, watches her trail in the doorway, before she shoots him a look.

“Did Josh-”

“No. He wants nothing to do with me.”

She sighs. “Goodbye Tyler.” And Jenna disappears without a trace.

They pump medicine into his system after that, drugs that make the pain go away and help him fall asleep. They had been wary of letting him sleep that way, simply because of his amnesiac state, but his parents give permission because he looks so broken and the doctor gives in.

Tyler dreams of being at a show - he and Josh have on these bright red suits and ski masks, Josh, oh _Josh,_ he's so beautiful in Tyler's dreams, and he spins him around after the show and whispers in his ear that he loves him and-

“Hey buddy.” A hand on Tyler's shoulder jolts him awake, although he's pumped with so many painkillers that he’s a bit delirious. It also probably doesn't help that he was cruising on hardly any sleep besides the few hours he got on this uncomfortable hospital bed.

Tyler blinks, lolls his head back against the bed and stares at the man in a snapback, tuffs of faded pink sneaking out from the edges. He looks tired, but Tyler doesn't realize this.

Tyler doesn't realize it's Josh.

“Medicine, mmm, i-it, I'm sleepy,” Tyler murmurs as he closes his eyes once more. Josh chuckles.

“Yeah, they gave you quite a bit, didn't they?”

“Hurts.”

“I'm sure buddy.” Josh sighs loudly, and pushes his fingers into his eyes. “I'm sorry for abandoning you Ty. I got angry and I was an asshole and-”

“Sleep.”

“What? Oh! Yeah. Sleep. I'm sure you're tired. And you probably won't remember this in the morning.” Josh smiles as he settles down into one of the plastic chairs to make himself comfortable. He's reminded of those days where he sat with Tyler unconscious, dead to the world with no faith to return. Josh shudders.

“Teddy? B-be here in m-morning?” Tyler smacks his lips and rolls over slightly, one of his IVs tangling in the sheets. Josh notices and takes to fixing it. The nurses really weren't too keen with him coming into the room and he wants to avoid their suspicious glares at all costs.

When Josh reaches over to untangle Tyler’s IV, the one jammed in his forearm to be specific, Tyler reaches with grabby fingers for Josh's arm, like a little kid might do for their mother. Josh freezes, unable to pull away. “I'll be here in the morning Tyler. You can sleep.”

“No, no... I want,” he takes a breath and Josh's eyes flicker to his heart rate monitor, _just in case,_ and Tyler speaks again. “Snuggle me. S’cold.”

“I can't,” starts Josh with sad eyes and Tyler scoots over as far as he can to his saline drip and brings the wires with him.

“Los’a’room Teddy.”

Josh scoffs, but finds himself kicking off his converse and climbing up next to Tyler with every intent to give him plenty of room. After all, Tyler isn't exactly himself, and the two haven't been on the best of terms.

But Tyler doesn't seem to mind one bit, because he reaches for Josh once again, snuggling tightly under Josh's chin and fisting the fabric of his loose tee. Josh says nothing for once, makes no noise, only wraps his arms tightly around his best friend and buries his nose in Tyler's hair, making sure to be cautious of all the equipment and IVs.

“Don’leave,” Tyler mumbles into Josh's chest. Josh runs his thumb down Tyler's cheekbone and presses a kiss to his head.

“Wouldn't dream of it.”


	10. Peaches and Passion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They've needed this for so long, this love that has been growing between them ever since they first met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long chapter + a warning in advance that things get spicy.

Tyler wakes up covered in sweat.

He blinks a couple of times, grimaces at the pounding in his head, and pushes himself further up the thin mattress. His mouth tastes absolutely disgusting and the first thing he asks for when the nurse enters is water.

“Of course sweetheart,” she smiles at him and goes about messing with the plethora of wires and machinery Tyler knows nothing about. “Do you need anything else?”

“A new pillow maybe,” he says softly. “Maybe some medicine. My head hurts.”

“That's just what I was about to do. Your brother was a lot of help last night. You went a little bit on the fritz.”

Tyler's face scrunches into confusion. Zack and Jay had left the day before, even his parents went home after he promised he'd be okay on his own for the night. “What brother?”

“Said his name is Josh. He has pink hair.” She narrows her eyes. “Is he not your brother?”

“No, no, he is,” Tyler throws his hands up defensively. He doesn't want to get Josh kicked out, but he also can't deny that his heart stopped and all the breath left his lungs. What was _he_ doing here? _Why_ was he here?

“He’ll be right back, said he went to go grab some food. Poor guy hasn't eaten anything since yesterday morning.”

“Be right back” is a pretty long time span when you think about it, and that simple phrase right there, knowing Josh could walk in at any second, is not comforting to Tyler. In fact, he's on the edge of having a full fledged panic attack. He hasn't seen the man, hasn't _spoken_ with the man in a little over two months, what the hell is he supposed to say? What's going to happen? For goodness sake, Josh could rip out Tyler's throat if he wanted to.

“Tyler?” The nurse frowns and pauses to glance in Tyler's direction. “Honey? Everything okay?”

“‘Medicine,” he mumbles, eyes wide. Tyler refuses to look away from the white of the walls. White is comforting, not the pink of _his_ hair or the brown of _his_ eyes or anything else.

“I'm putting it in right now.”

“No-”

Her eyes widen. “Oh. I'll go grab some anxiety meds right now. Can you, can you swallow pills?”

“What? Yeah, yeah.” He waves his hand as some sort of pleasant gesture and flashes a fake smile her way. Tyler hates hospitals more and more every day.

The nurse isn't even gone for a full minute when a familiar pink haired man walks into the room. He looks really, _really_ good, Tyler notices, dressed up in a black and white adidas hoodie and skinny jeans. His hair had faded a ton in the past months, a bleached pink that peeks out from under his backwards hat, and his chin was dusted with a few days worth of stubble.

Tyler can't breathe and he's pretty sure he's about to go into cardiac arrest.

“Morning Ty,” Josh says quietly as he sets down a greasy paper bag down at the end of the bed. “I uh, I brought you some food. It's nothing big, just McDonald’s... Think I got you an egg mcmuffin and some pancakes.”

Tyler is still incapable of speaking and he knows Josh can tell how nervous he is, his heart rate is off the charts (where is the frickin’ nurse?) and Josh himself tucks his hands under his armpits and taps his foot rapidly.

Josh suddenly sighs. “Look, Tyler-”

“I'm back!” The nurse interrupts, waving an orange prescription bottle in the air. She stops at the notice of Josh’s rigid stance and Tyler's wide eyes and shaking hands. “Oh.”

“S-Sorry,” Josh stutters out as he steps out of the way awkwardly. The nurse gives Tyler his pills and a glass of water before clearing her throat.

“I'll uhm, give you some time. If you need anything else, send your brother to come fetch me.” She smiles, disappears through the door, and the room once again fills with awkward nervousness.

“What are you doing here?” It was supposed to sound snarky, but it comes out sad, broken, and Tyler doesn't even try to fight his tired eyes.

“Your dad, he uh, called me. Told me you were in the hospital. I told the guys I needed to go, I'm touring-”

“I know,” Tyler interrupts. He sinks farther into the mattress, hoping it'll eat him alive.

Josh's face flushes pink, like he's guilty or embarrassed that Tyler already knew that. “We were in Philadelphia, so I rented a car and drove down here as fast as I could. Got here last night actually, but you were knocked out.”

“You came because my dad asked you to?” Tyler scoffs. He knows he really shouldn't be upset about Josh ignoring him and touring without him when he was the one who _cheated_ on him, but Josh had been the cause of the aching in Tyler's heart and the depression that rocketed through his bones.

“I had ignored the phone call thinking it was you trying to get a hold of me, but it broke my heart hearing his voice. He sounded like he thought calling me was a long shot and I realized I messed up. I talked to your parents this morning, they told me you fell in the shower. That you were depressed.” His voice wavers on the last sentence and the dam that kept Tyler's tears contained snaps in half. He sobs loudly, curling in on himself, and doesn't even flinch or move when Josh climbs into bed next to him, as he wraps his arms around him and allows Tyler to cry into his chest.

“Y-You h-hated m-me,” Tyler’s breaths come short and he doesn't even care. “I c-couldn't eat, c-couldn't s-sleep, c-couldn't get _up_ , and yo-you kept ignoring m-me-”

“I know, I know and it was so wrong of me Tyler, because I was miserable. I should have never let you leave, I should have never ignored you, I let my anger get to me and I didn't think about how it would _affect_ you and I'm so, so sorry Ty.”

Tyler sniffs, clutches his sweaty hands in Josh's hoodie, and emits a low hum at the back of his throat when Josh rests his chin on top of his head. He attempts to control his emotions. “I'm sorry for everything I did to you Josh. I fucked up. I got scared, because I didn't want people to look at me or say derogatory things because they knew I was gay and so I abused our friendship and our relationship and I'll never be able to forgive myself for that. I remember Josh, I remember our friendship and the shows and how _happy_ we were together.” He takes a deep breath. “Jenna and I are getting divorced. I told her everything. It was my fault, not yours. It was never your fault.”

Josh stares in disbelief when Tyler looks up to see his face. “You and Jenna are getting divorced?”

Tyler nods. “We can't live out a unhappy marriage when I never stopped loving you. It was time for me to stop lying and be honest.”

He blinks, wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and clears his throat. “You remembered?”

“Parts and pieces. Like how we used to sneak entire bags of Doritos out of the green room back to the bus, or how you used to climb into my bunk late at night when you heard my teeth chattering and claimed you could provide all the warmth I needed.” Tyler smiles softly, feeling a sense of pride that he can remember something, even though it's small. “Mostly everything I remember is recent. I don't have a ton of memories from early on but I think it'll come back to me one day. Everything else is coming back so I have faith.”

Josh blinks a few times, his face expressionless, and for a few seconds Tyler worries he might have said the wrong thing.

Not even two seconds pass before Josh is sliding his thumb across Tyler's cheek and pushing his lips softly against the other; in surprise Tyler squeaks but melts back into the bed, letting Josh slot his knee in between Tyler’s legs. It's so _much_ after so long, but it's slow, passionate, one that's just _Josh_ and nothing else. Tyler feels alive, electricity trickling through his veins since that first night with Josh. He remembers their first kiss in the back of a van, one they had toured together in, he remembers Josh's gentle touch and _oooh_ he wants him so badly.

“What...are...you...doing?” He asks between breaths and Josh gasps when he feels Tyler slide his hands under his sweatshirt and tee; they're ice cold and it excites Josh just as much as Tyler.

“I don't know,” Josh laughs, but they keep going, pushing, exploring, touching, until Tyler is panting and hard. He grasps for the button of Josh’s pants, fumbles for the zipper, because Tyler is suddenly _dying_ to see Josh’s dick, all flushed and hard, even though they're in the hospital and it's probably a really bad time to be this horny.

Josh slaps his hand away and attempts to roll off of Tyler but ends up tumbling to the floor. He pops back up seconds later, leaning his folded arms at the edge of the bed. “We can't do that. Not yet. Not here.”

“But whhhyyyy?” Tyler whines, sinking further down the bed. It's a cursed time to have the mentality of a 17 year old.

“Because we're in a hospital and you're injured Ty and I don't want you to be worse off than when you came here. I already caused you enough pain.”

Tyler looks up at him through his eyelashes and sighs. Josh is right. “I'm sorry you know. Really sorry.”

“Me too. We were both in the wrong.”

“So... We good?” Tyler looks hopeful and about falls over with relief when Josh nods his head in agreement.

“Yeah. We're good.” He groans as he stands up and as casually as possible attempts to palm himself through his jeans. “When do you get out of the hospital?”

“Soon I hope. It sucks here. This bed is uncomfortable and the food they force me to eat is gross and I want to go home.”

“Eat your breakfast,” Josh demands as he reaches for the McDonald’s bag. Tyler takes it and starts pulling his items out as Josh continues talking. “And take your meds. I'll go ask when you can leave. Your parents will be back soon.”

“You'll take me home, right?” Tyler sticks his bottom lip out, trying to master the puppy dog look, and Josh rolls his eyes.

“Dammit Tyler, why do you do this to me?” He pushes on his crotch once more before swinging a right down the hallway.

They recommend Tyler stays another day, but that term is completely and utterly inaccurate because they are forcing him to stay another day. He wants to get out, but his parents agree with the doctors that it's good for him to stay, just so they can make sure he won't die the second he leaves the hospital. (Okay, maybe not that extreme, but Tyler is still very annoyed.) As if two months in the hospital wasn't already enough.

Josh stays with him the whole time, only leaving to change clothes or use the bathroom. He stays cuddled up next to Tyler protectively, and they discuss all the things Tyler remembers, the little things that make Josh’s face light up.

“I still don't remember how to play anything besides the little bit of ukulele I learned online,” Tyler admits sheepishly. Josh shakes his head.

“You'll learn. I'm just happy you remember me as a person and us as friends. Not everything of course, but some, and that's all that matters to me.”

“I know you're important to me J. I know the band's important to me. Like, it's _very_ important and I realize that now. Music...” He scoffs, “it saved me. It saved us.”

“Exactly.” Josh buries his face in the crook of Tyler's neck and sighs happily. “You called me J a lot before the accident.”

“I know. I think it's cute. Your eyes get all squinty.”

“They do not.”

“Do too.”

“Okay fine. Maybe.” Josh pauses. “You still feeling like you're 17?”

“It's weird to explain. I feel like I'm 17, but I'm remembering things from different ages and now that I know for sure I'm 27...” Tyler rubs at his eyes with one hand. “I have no clue.”

“That's okay. You're working on it.”

“Your favourite movie is _Fight Club,_ ” Tyler says randomly and Josh laughs.

“That's right.” He smiles into Tyler's neck.

\---

Tyler can't be happier when he's released from the hospital.

It's later in the evening and he swears he has never been this in a hurry to get out of _anything._ Tyler decides that he officially hates hospitals and better be on the bridge of death next time he’s forced to go to one.

Earlier in the day his parents bring him up a change of clothes and some other very needed items. His mother kisses him on his forehead and hugs him tightly.

“Josh is gonna take you home tonight when they let you out. I figured you guys needed some time.”

“Yeah,” Tyler nods. _Time to fuck._

“If there's any change of plans please let me know.”

“Mom,” he starts to whine, but his mother cuts him off with a laugh.

“I know, I know, I'm being overprotective. I'm just worried because you've been so sick and your head and amnesia-”

His father tugs on his wife’s arm. “I think he’ll be okay Kelly,” Tyler catches his wink and immediately looks down at the tearing hospital band around his arm he’s been picking at. “He's an adult.”

“Yeah,” Tyler mumbles in agreement.

She sighs. “Okay, okay, you're both right. Just please be careful Tyler.”

“Would it make you feel better if you spoke with Josh?”

She shakes her head. “Nah. I'm just being paranoid. You guys have fun, okay?”

Tyler grins. _Oh we will._ “Yeah. Of course.”

It's close to seven when Tyler slams the door to Josh’s rental car and fastens his seatbelt. He looks over at Josh briefly before casting his eyes to his lap. Out of nervousness he begins to play with the hem of his shirt. He’s new to all of what’s about to happen; well, not exactly, but to him at the moment it is.

“Sooo...” Josh drags the word out nice and long, one hand adjusting his sunglasses while the other grips the steering wheel. “Are you hungry?”

“Not really.”

Josh lets his bottom lip slide out from under his teeth slowly and huffs. Tyler knows he's trying to be a gentleman, possibly even delay what they both know is coming, but honestly Tyler wants him to cut the shit.

“I can take you home.”

Tyler scoffs, leans over and lays his hand on Josh's bicep. He feels Josh turning cold underneath him, fidgeting under his touch, and tries his best attempt at being “arousing.”

“How about you check us into a hotel room?”

Josh’s breath lodges in his throat and his grip on the steering wheel tightens. “That eager, huh?”

Tyler's eyes are already wide with lust and he nods his head, letting his tongue run over his lips. He’s already thinking of a hundred different things they could be doing tonight.

“Yeah, okay,” his voice is husky and low, he keeps his head down and out of Tyler's sight as he pulls onto an exit and speeds up.

The air between them is awkward and nervous, like a teenage couple about to make love for the first time. Tyler supposes it sort of is like that; he can't fully remember his first time and he's just about as, if not more, horny as a teenage boy.

Tyler hangs back as Josh gets them a room; the minute Josh joins him Tyler shoves him into the elevator.

“We’re on the fourth floor,” Josh coughs out and the room key slips from his shaky hands. Tyler nods, pressing the button quickly, watches with hooded eyes as Josh leans down to pick up the key. _Damn_ does his ass look good inside those jeans and Tyler needs him, wants him, now.

He pushes Josh gently, who looks at him in surprise and Tyler really hopes Josh gets the hint to start something. Only problem is Josh seems to be very, _very_ lost.

“Dude?”

“I uhm,” he blinks, still staring stupidly.

“How obvious do I need to be?” Tyler backs himself against the elevator wall and it suddenly clicks in Josh's brain.

“Oh fuck,” he mutters, reaching for Tyler's arm, grasping it softly and it's not rough like Tyler wants it at _all._ But before he knows it Josh is letting his hands slide down to Tyler's waist and kisses him gently, presses his lips to the corner of Tyler’s mouth, but Tyler is not having that. He lets his hands roam up and down Josh’s body and pushes forward, attempting to speed the kiss up.

Josh seems to notice and opens his mouth a bit, letting Tyler’s tongue skid across his bottom lip and into his mouth. The elevator dings, alerting their arrival to the fourth floor, and instead of breaking apart like any normal people might do, Tyler shoves Josh forward, refusing to take his mouth off of Josh’s. He can’t remember the last time he felt this alive, this chocked full of adrenaline, and he wants Josh’s clothes off even more now.

They move down the hallway slowly, the echo of their moans bouncing off the walls, and Tyler suddenly gets this surge of excitement stirring in his stomach knowing someone could catch them making out. He doesn’t even care.

Tyler’s back hits the door to their room with a dull thud, they’re still connected by the mouths; Josh is already starting to pull Tyler’s shirt over his head and Tyler holds his arms up above him as Josh awkwardly reaches around to swipe the key and open the door. The two tumble in and fall to the bed, Tyler groaning as Josh straddles him and finishes the job. His shirt lands wildly on the other side of the room.

Tyler’s hands grasp onto the hem of Josh’s tee and he tugs upwards in one swift motion, Josh eagerly helping to pull it over his head. It lands on the opposite side of the room, right on top of the office desk.

“Usually you’re the one leading,” Josh mumbles sloppily against Tyler’s mouth, moaning afterwards as Tyler bites down on his lip. Tyler lets himself stare at the toned muscle of Josh’s chest and suddenly he gets the urge to touch Josh _everywhere._

“Yeah?” Tyler says breathily, taking a moment to breathe Josh in, the remains of cologne and sweat and everything that is _Joshua Dun._

Josh’s lips trail down Tyler’s neck slowly, causing the other to squeeze his eyes shut and fumble for any traction he can find. He lifts his hips off the bed to help Josh pull them off and after a few seconds of tugging they land on the ground like every other article of clothing. The minute Josh’s fingers slide under the waistband of his boxers, Tyler suddenly pushes upwards, catching Josh off guard and managing to flip him onto his back. With a smirk, Tyler looks down at him, his breathing heavy. He has a sudden overpowering _need_ to prove his dominance.

“You sure?” Josh looks at him with uncertainty as he pops the button on his jeans. Tyler can tell how sensitive he is; as he drags the zipper down Josh moans quietly.

“Oh yeah,” Tyler replies hoarsely and tugs down denim as fast as possible. He’s waited so long for this moment, to have Josh sprawled out for _him,_ to have _him_ begging for more.

“Fuck,” he mumbles against Tyler’s shoulder when he feels cold hands sliding under his briefs, taking them off with care. Tyler sits up a second, not only to catch his breath, but to mentally capture this moment, because yeah, he knows he’s seen Josh naked before but _this_ sparks something in his head, he remembers the feeling in his gut even though all of this is completely new to him.

And holy moley _Josh,_ he’s got his eyes closed and his breaths are coming out so quick, his skin radiates heat underneath Tyler’s palms, and Tyler finds himself staring at everything he doesn’t usually get to see: the inside of his thighs, the curve of his ass, the glistening flushed tip of his hard cock, and _Jesus,_ all the _hair;_ it drives Tyler out of his mind.

“Okay, this is the part where you are supposed to do something,” Josh speaks with a shaky voice as he starts to prop himself and Tyler snaps of out of daze, latching onto shoulders with clammy palms to press him back against the mattress.

“Right, right,” Tyler nods, wiggling out of his underwear and hurdling them across the room. He feels that dominance slipping away, being replaced with a blush and the embarrassment that maybe he didn’t meet Josh’s standards and really had no clue what he was doing.

He knows Josh is staring at him but Tyler is frozen. “You look beautiful,” he says encouragingly.

“I have no clue...” Tyler starts quietly, but stops. Josh takes a deep breath and looks upwards, leaving his neck fully exposed. He seems to know exactly why Tyler is freezing up.

“Yeah you do.” Tyler nods, although he’s not quite sure why, blinks a few times, and dives back down, sliding his palms back down Josh’s chest, letting one drape across his sternum as the other grasps at his hair. Tyler sinks his teeth in Josh’s collarbone, smiling softly against his skin as Josh lets out a moan. “T-That’s good Ty, keep doing that.”

Tyler shifts accidentally, his dick barely sliding against Josh’s, but that’s so much of surprise to the both of them that Tyler collapses, the pleasure so new to him that he is desperate for more.

“Holy _fucknngH_ -” falls from Tyler’s lips as Josh pushes back up from underneath him, trapping, pushing their cocks together, and Tyler’s so lost in space for a moment he forgets who is is until Josh rests a hand gently on his bare hip. Josh is just as desperate so it seems, because he pulls Tyler’s head back down, a silent command to go back to kissing him.

Tyler runs his lips along the underside of Josh’s jaw, squeaking when he feels Josh’s nails sink into his hips on both sides. A grizzly, low sound gurgles in the back of his throat and Tyler pauses, thinking it over that he might have found a sweet spot. He thinks harder, trailing his lips down his shoulder and pausing right over his heart. Josh pulls upwards again, begs Tyler to keep going, “whatever he’s doing,” and almost on autopilot he sinks lower, stopping just above his navel, and as Josh moans his name, Tyler flicks his tongue out against warm, sensitive skin. His mind goes blank the second he feels Josh cup his ass; his nails dig in so hard Tyler has no doubt there will be four crescent shaped bruises the next day.

“What should I do?” Tyler asks quietly, his eyes squeezing shut. There are so many emotions swirling around in his brain, he feels hot and greedy for _more._

“Fuck,” Josh replies through gritted teeth as he leans up on his elbow, moving under the weighing pressure of Tyler on top of him. “Jus’, let me-” he cuts himself off, fully believing he was done before falling back against the bed. His fingers latch back onto Tyler’s hips and he moves underneath him, sandwiching their dicks together, and _shit,_ it rockets so much pleasure between the two of them that they’re both so eager for more, _begging_ for more; Josh fists handfuls of Tyler’s hair and Tyler gasps, letting profanities and Josh’s name fall from his lips like a waterfall. It was weird that he liked that, weird that Josh _knew he liked that_ and Tyler didn’t know himself.

They fall into a rough rhythm, Josh pulls up, dragging his cock along the underside of Tyler’s, and the same happens when Tyler comes down, a slick wave of hot white pleasure blinding behind their eyelids.

It gets to be too much for Josh to handle, and he lets out a loud, gasping sob, tightening his grip in Tyler’s hair. “Oh fucking fuck, Tyler, _please, fuckmefuckmefuCKME-_ ”

“Oh god,” he says, staring at Josh quivering below him; his skin is shiny with sweat and Tyler can tell he’s desperate by the way he keeps grinding up despite the fact that all this weight can’t be good for his dick. “What the fuck am I supposed to do?”

Josh groans in frustration and he releases his iron grip in Tyler’s hair to grab Tyler’s arm instead. “Do whatever comes to mind.”

Tyler thinks about it, but he’s a little too preoccupied to make up coherent thoughts. He briefly remembers what he did when he jerked off all those years ago and what he learned in sex ed (although that class was a fucking joke) and raises his eyebrows in realization. “We need stuff. St-Stuff, condoms and lube-”

“Fuck that, just suck on your own damn fingers,” he growls, and another wave of arousal clings to Tyler’s skin as he’s hit head on.

He shoves his fingers in his mouth, never breaking eye contact as he soaks them with saliva and slides them underneath Josh who shivers in response. Tyler really doesn’t understand how he knows what he’s doing, but it feels routine, like brushing your teeth or eating breakfast, and without notice he shoves one slick finger up Josh’s ass, who arches upwards and screams Tyler’s name.

And so they continue their pattern, the ups and ins and outs of rutting on one another and Josh fucking himself on Tyler’s fingers; they both feel so _free,_ so filled with adrenaline and pleasure that it starts to bubble over the edges and everything shatters as Tyler works him through his orgasam, still thrusting, holding, but _fuck_ Tyler can’t hold on much longer either, and he overlaps Josh, collapsing on top of him.

They lay in silence for a few minutes, the only sound their heavy breathing, before Tyler rolls over and falls to the spot next to him. He feels sticky, but that uncomfortableness disappears the minute he catches sight of Josh.

His faded pink hair is matted to his forehead with sweat, sweat that makes his body shine with the brightness of the sun, and there are tears in his eyes. Tyler can’t help but smile; Josh looks so _beautiful_ and he can’t get over the fact that the drummer is finally all his.

“Thank you,” Josh mumbles in between gasps for air, and he feels a shaky hand for Tyler’s palm, squeezing the minute skin touches skin. “Oh god, _thank you._ ”

“I can’t believe I put my fingers in your ass,” Tyler comments, causing Josh to laugh.

“You were good,” he promises. “You were very, _very_ good.”

“I’m covered in your bodily fluids.” Tyler’s nose scrunches up in mock disgust as Josh giggles again.

“That tends to happen. C’mon, we can go shower. I’ll wash your hair.”

Tyler grins. “I can’t turn down that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we go


	11. Secrets and Screw it, We're Breaking the Rules

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They come out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I'm not quite sure how either of their parents would react if they came out. Just knowing how the two of them were raised and my own family's values is sort of what I based this on.

After a  _ long  _ shower, (it probably wouldn’t have been that long if not for the fact that Josh pressed Tyler up against the tiled wall and proceeded to make out with him until they were both lightheaded) the two curl up in bed with some old TV western playing. They aren’t watching though, too busy being lost in each other; Josh was kissing Tyler again, his hands snaked around his bare hips, Tyler’s pressed against his chest. They really can’t take their hands off each other; it felt like years of waiting for this night so filled with love.

“You know,” Tyler starts off against Josh’s mouth, feeling around for Josh’s thigh, “I’ve always wondered why our names are tattooed on one another.”

Josh laughs, dipping his head into the crook of Tyler’s neck. “It was a bet, to see who the fans liked most, and we were split half and half. And so we have our names permanently stuck on one another.”

“That’s hot,” Tyler murmurs jokingly, sliding his hand down to Josh’s ass. He yelps, face turning red as he presses one last kiss to the corner of Tyler’s mouth and rolls over next to him. Tyler snakes an arm around his waist and they sigh happily.

“Look,” Josh says, “If we are gonna do this, you know, this relationship thing, we need to be honest with everyone. And I mean everyone.”

“Right, of course,” agrees Tyler. He watches Josh start tracing the lines on the palm of his hand. 

“That means our parents, Jenna, Mark - everyone.”

“My parents love you J. They won’t care. Besides, my mom kinda... already knows.” his voice drops to a whisper at the last part as Josh’s eyes widen.

“What?!”

“Well kinda sort of. I told her about how we used to date. You know, back then. And then I told her I was in love with you.”

Josh runs his fingers through his wet hair. “Oh wow. That’s... that’s a lot to take in.”

“We still have to tell them though. My father too.”

“Yeah, mine too.” he rubs at his face; Tyler can tell this is a lot more nerve wracking for Josh than it is for him. “I really don’t know how they’ll react to be honest. They’ve never truly voiced a strong opinion on all of this.” he gestures to the both of them as if that’s some great reference for the fact that they are both very gay. “Sure, they’ve talked about it, like at church and stuff, but they know I’ve become more liberal since the band and I really don’t know.”

“We don’t have to tell them.”

“Yeah we do.” Josh lets out a deep breath. “We can’t do what we did last time. I can’t have this turn into what it used to be. So we sit down with our parents and our friends and we let them know that we’re dating. We definitely have to tell Jenna.” he looks at Tyler, trying to catch the feelings the singer was displaying, but Tyler remains stoic.

“Yeah,” he says quietly. “She told me we should have never broken off what we had. That she knew I had never stopped loving you and you had never stopped loving me. I guess she kind of told me to go get you back.”

“Are you guys... still friends?”

“I think so. She keeps checking on me. Jenna is a really good person who deserves to be with someone she loves.”

“Agreed. And Mark-”

“Mark won’t be a problem. He already knew about the last time.”

Josh laughs. “Right, right. So we tell the-”

“Don’t tell me we’re going to tell the fans.”

“Oh  _ god _ no. That would be utter chaos. We definitely don’t tell them. At least, not right now. There are so many people that already think we are together, that would kill them.”

“Yikes,” Tyler says jokingly, even though he already knows plenty about  _ that _ world.

“I was gonna say our crew. You know, just in case we do end up going on tour again. One day. I don’t want anyone to flip out if they find us making out or something.”

“Yeah.”

“You think we’ll go back on tour someday Ty?” he looks at him pleadingly, causing Tyler to sigh. He hadn’t really thought about that, too lost in the world crashing down around him to think about the future.

“I... I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it. I mean, it’s a possibility, but if my retaining knowledge of my words and how to play all those instruments doesn’t return, I’m going to have to relearn everything and I don’t want to think about how long that’s going to take.”

Josh snuggles in closer, laying his head gently on Tyler’s shoulder. “I know in the beginning I talked about having no faith in you regaining your memories, and I was a complete and utter idiot all those months ago Tyler. I know how strong you are. I’ve  _ always _ known that since the day I first saw you up on that stage performing. I knew you were the person I wanted to spend playing music with the rest of my life, as cheesy and kind of creepy as that sounds. But I realized something, when I was alone in my apartment. I have this place that I live in, right? But it’s just a place full of stuff. Home is when I’m hanging out with you, and I can’t ditch you again. So I’m going to be by your side the whole time, and when you’re ready,  _ if _ you are ever ready, then we start making progress.”

Tyler smiles, his face burning with heat, and he turns his head to press a soft kiss to Josh’s cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

\---

They wake up around 11 the next morning only to spend ten more minutes making out; everytime they kiss Tyler feels something  _ new _ coursing through his veins and it makes him feel invincible. He spends another five minutes tracing the freckles on Josh’s back, humming to himself as he uses Josh’s timely breathing as a metronome.

Feeling lazy, Josh orders room service for breakfast (lunch?) and they eat quietly, conversing with blushes and hand touches instead of words. 

They finally check out around 1 pm and clamber into the car in their wrinkled clothes from yesterday. Tyler finally glances down at his phone when they get moving and mumbles “shit” under his breath when he notices all the texts and missed calls from his mother. “You were supposed to take me home last night.”

“I was, wasn’t I?” one of Josh’s hands starts to fiddle with the brim of his hat as Tyler calls his mother back.

“Jesus Tyler, I thought you got abducted or something!” she says frantically, starting a very long conversation right off the bat. Tyler flashes Josh a look before rolling his eyes.

“I’m fine Mom, just got distracted. We got dinner and then went and saw a movie. By that point it was getting late so Josh checked us into a hotel.” Hey, at least part of it was true.

“Least you could have done was tell me you weren’t coming home! I almost called the police.”

“Mom, for the gazillionth time, I am an adult. And Josh was right here with me.”

“I know, I know. Are you coming home now?”

“Yes mother.” he hears her huff.

“You take your medicine when you come home mister. I’m going to lose my head looking after you.” she pauses to collect herself and Tyler holds in his laughter. His mother was so paranoid sometimes. “So did you guys have fun? Everything is all better?”

“Yeah, I think we had fun.” he puts the call on speakerphone and flashes Josh a smile. “Did we have fun Josh?”

“Yeah we did,” Josh agrees, grin just as wide as the singer’s. 

“Oh good. Thank you for taking care of him Josh.”

“Anytime Kelly. You know I’d do anything for you Joseph’s.”

She clicks her tongue. “You two sound far too happy. What did you do last night, make love?”

Tyler’s mother meant it as a joke of course, but both men turn bright red and Tyler fumbles to take the call off speaker. “Mom!” he says harshly, turning his body away from Josh who has resorted to nervous laughter.

“I’m joking sweetheart. Anyways, I’ll see you when you get home.” The line clicks off and Tyler lets his body slide down the passenger seat with a loud groan.

“Jesus Christ.”

“Man you weren’t kidding when you said your mom knew.”

“Duh.” Tyler looks out the window, his face still pink with embarrassment. Josh clears his throat and launches into a new conversation.

“So uh, dude. I gotta head back to the east coast to finish the tour with the guys.”

“Oh.” That catches Tyler’s attention and he sits up straight, looking at Josh sideways. “Right. When do you have to do that?”

“Well that’s kind of what I wanted to talk about. Would you wanna come with me?”

Tyler gapes, not quite sure if he heard Josh right. “What?”

“Come with me, like on tour, as a plus one. You’d be on the bus with us and the crew, we only have a few shows left before we’re done. I dunno, I was just thinking maybe it might get you back into the swing of the tour life. You remember bits and pieces after all, but maybe this is the final piece to the puzzle. Maybe if you like this, you’d wanna get the band back together.”

“People really miss us,” Tyler says in agreement. After a deep breath and two seconds of thought, he has his decision. “Of course I’ll come with you. I’m not letting you out of my sight again. And besides, Jenna told me I needed a good vacation.”

“Really? Oh my god! Okay, we’re doing this!” he cheers, lifting both his hands off the wheel  to celebrate and the car swerves. Immediately he puts them back, smiling sheepishly. “Whoops.”

“Yeah, how about we don’t get ourselves killed?” Tyler scoffs, but there’s still a playful glint in his eyes. “You know this just gives me an excuse to push you into closets and make out with you.”

“Hell yeah it does. You know how many closets are hiding in the hallways of these venues?”

“At least five,” Tyler replies sarcastically. Josh rolls his eyes.

“Well, you aren’t wrong.”

\---

Josh spends a lot of the drive muttering to himself about how little time they have before the two have to drive back over. He’s really set on telling both sets of parents before they set off; it’s a closure thing Tyler guesses. Josh seems to be a lot more nervous than Tyler to present his plan.

So the minute the two arrive at Tyler’s childhood home, (and after he’s taken his medicine of course) they sit down with Tyler’s parents. Josh’s knee shakes rapidly and out of comfort Tyler reaches for his hand, holding it loosely behind their backs and out of eyesight.

“Alright boys, what’s so important that it has to be told now?” says Tyler’s impatient mother. She’s leaning forward with a glass of water in her hand; his father on the other hand is slumped in his recliner with his arms folded across his chest.

“Well,” Josh starts, his voice quiet, and Tyler shakes his head.

“I’m going on tour with Josh,” he spits out before anyone can say anything else. “Things are okay between us, more than okay, and I really think it’ll be good for me. I’m remembering stuff about the shows, and this could be the final puzzle piece. It doesn’t hurt to try. Besides, they only have a few shows left so it’s not like I’ll be gone very long. Josh will take care of me, and I’m sure everyone else there will too. I want to go back on tour one day, you know, back with the band.”

Her mouth opens, like she’s ready to remark on how absurd that idea is, or maybe mention what happened last time Tyler spent time with Josh, but what comes out is the exact opposite. “I think that’s a wonderful idea.”

“No Mom, you don’t understa-” Tyler stops arguing the minute he realizes his mother agreed. “What?”

“I think it’s a good idea sweetheart. You’re working hard to regain those memories and I think that this will be good for you. You can get back into the swing of things. Besides, you toured so much I think we could all agree it was your daily routine.”

“And that’s a good thing for an amnesia patient to fall back into,” adds his father. Tyler and Josh share a satisfied look. That was easier than they thought.

“Okay, wow. Awesome.”

“Now that we have that out of the way,” they watch Mrs. Joseph set her glass down and peer at them in suspicion, “what are we  _ really _ here to discuss?”

Tyler doesn’t even question his mother’s ability to be able to tell when something was up. He could never get away with lying when he was younger. He takes a deep breath and swallows nervously. They both had agreed to be the ones to tell their parents, so when Tyler feels Josh squeeze his hand, he gets a sudden boost of confidence.

“Okay, here’s the thing. Josh and I... we’re uhm, we’re together now. Sort of, kind of. It’s just, we like each other a lot, and we have for awhile. It took me a while to realize that.”

There’s a long, uneasy pause; Tyler chews on the inside of his cheek in worry, watching his parents’ facial expressions closely, looking for any signs of disapproval, but they remain stoic and frankly it is freaking him out.

“Well it’s about damn time,” his father mutters, and Tyler cocks his head in confusion.  _ What the actual heck. _

“Come on you guys, as if you haven’t made it obvious. You’re holding hands.” Immediately they drop hands, pulling them to the front as Tyler’s mother laughs. “Ever since you two met you’ve been inseparable. I was surprised Tyler married Jenna instead of you.”

“Don’t think you’re getting out of the ‘Treat Tyler With Respect” speech either Josh, because for damn sure I’m still giving it to you. Doesn’t matter if I’ve known you for six years.”

“You... you guys are okay with it?” To be quite honest, Tyler  _ had _ been a little worried. He really had never spoken with his parents about their views on gays, but knowing how he was raised, how they went to church every Sunday and were told the sins of the world, he didn’t expect them to be like this.

“Your father and I were worried in the beginning, we aren’t going to lie. But we could tell something was up with you two even all those years ago. And when you confirmed you guys dated and told me you loved him, I went straight to your father. We were sort of waiting for you to tell us.”

“Besides,” his father continues, “it’s Josh.”

“Well I guess that settles it.” Tyler flashes Josh a look, to which Josh shrugs his shoulders. That was way easier than either of them had been expecting, and unfortunately they both knew it wouldn’t be the same for Josh’s parents.

So with the promise Tyler would make one more visit before they left (he had to get his stuff packed anyways but didn’t mention that to his mother) the two leave for Josh’s old home. A thought crosses Tyler’s mind.

“Do you parents even know you’re here?”

“Uhm... no. No they do not.”

Tyler clucks his tongue and shakes his head. “Dude-”

“I came straight to the hospital. Besides, after this, things between us are going to be... awkward.”

“They’ll still love you Josh.”

“Hopefully,” he murmurs, turning onto his street.

Tyler knows he’s been to Josh’s house several times, has met Josh’s parents several times, but he only remembers them briefly, and really has no clue how they’ll react.

Josh sits still for three minutes after killing the ignition with his head resting on the steering wheel. Tyler doesn’t dare say a word; he knows Josh is nervous, that much is obvious, but really can’t find the words to comfort his friend.

“Okay, let’s get this over with,” he says suddenly, pushing open the car door. Tyler watches him walk up to the front porch and knock on the door before he follows slowly. The idea is to give Josh time, but yikes, is Tyler scared.

Josh’s father is the one to answer the door. His eyebrows furrow in surprise, mouth forms a tiny “oh,” and he stutters out, “J-Josh! I thought you were touring!”

“Uh, yeah, I was, but there’s a story for that. Anyways, hi Dad.” he smiles, and the two embrace in a hug. Tyler pushes his foot into the grass as the two notice him. “Tyler,” Josh waves him up, and Tyler reluctantly makes his way to the front porch. “He was in the hospital again so I came down.”

“Oh really? Well I’m glad to see you’re doing okay, on top of your first hospital visit. Everyone was so worried about you, especially Josh here.” he clasps his son on the shoulder, a small smile on his face. “It’s good to see you healthy again.”

“Thank you,” replies Tyler, because he’s really not sure what else to say.

“Your mother is going to want to see both of you.” he pulls the door open, ushering the both into the living room. Tyler looks around, trying to see if it sparks anything, but he remembers nothing about Josh’s house or about being here in general.

Josh pulls Tyler to the couch as his father disappears upstairs yelling “Laura! Josh and Tyler are here!”

“You okay?” Josh asks, squeezing Tyler’s hand, which of course makes Tyler feel horrible, because Josh is obviously just as nervous and they’re about to  _ come out _ to his parents, and here Tyler is being a baby because he can’t remember being here before.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just trying to take it all in.”

“Not remembering much?”

“Not about your house no. I know we filmed-”

“Yeah,” Josh interrupts, leaving it there.

When his mother walks in, she squeals with happiness, pulling the two into long, individual hugs. Tyler takes it like a champ, flashing fake smiles, hugging back, the whole nine yards. They settle back on the couch, Josh’s parents across from them. He sort of wonders if this is what it’s like introducing a girlfriend to the family for the first time.

“So mom, dad,” Josh starts, fiddling with his hat, (Tyler notices that seems to be a nervous tick of his) “I actually wanted to tell you guys something that’s really important to me.”

“What’s that sweetheart?” she’s still smiling like the news is going to be the best thing in the world. To them it is, but neither are sure exactly what’s going to happen.

“Are you guys getting the band back together?”

“Er, well, not yet. That’s an idea of ours for later when Tyler feels a bit more comfortable being on stage. But this is actually more important.” he swallows loudly, squeezes his eyes shut, and spits the news out like ripping off a band-aid. “I’m in love with Tyler, and we’re dating now. It was important to me that you guys knew I wasn’t fully straight.”

The smile slides off their faces and the room fills with a painful, awkward silence. 

Finally, after what seems like years, Mr. Dun clears his throat. “I thought you were married Tyler.”

“Not anymore,” he says quietly, refusing to look up from the carpet. “We weren’t happy, and I’ve been in love with Josh for a really long time.”

“Josh, you dated Debby-” his mother starts, stopping abruptly. Josh sighs.

“Yeah I did, and as you can see it didn’t work out.”

“Is this why you’ve been having girl problems? Because we can find you a sweet girl from church-”

“Mom, I don’t need a girl. I have Tyler, remember?” Silence.

“Josh-”

“Your mother and I love you-”

“We love you a lot sweetheart, and we love you Tyler-”

“We can respect your decision, but we can’t support it. This goes against everything you were ever taught.”

Josh looks the both of them up and down with a clenched jaw. Tyler knows it takes a lot to get Josh worked up, and this definitely seems to be doing the trick.

“Fair enough,” he responds, standing up, pulling Tyler with him. He yanks Tyler by the hand past his parents and out the door.

“Josh,” Tyler tugs out of his grip on the lawn, and gestures towards the open front door. “You can’t just walk out on them.”

“Can too,” he spits back, rolling his eyes before climbing into the car. Tyler glances back, where the Dun’s have gathered, Mr. Dun’s arm around his wife’s shoulders. They look concerned, but make no move to get Josh to cool off and come back inside. With a sigh, Tyler shuffles to the passenger side, barely having time to buckle in his seatbelt before Josh is spinning off down the road.

They sit in silence, Tyler curled up in his seat with his legs pulled up tightly. He watches the buildings pass blurry outside his window, unable to look at Josh’s facial expression. Tyler knows 100% this is what Josh expected and it breaks his heart.

Especially when he does get the courage to crane his neck around to peek and sees tears rolling down Josh’s cheeks. He peels his hat off and tosses it aggressively into the back seat before running fingers through his hair harshly.

“I’m sorry Josh,” Tyler whispers. Josh scoffs.

“I knew they were going to do this you know. My whole life they’ve been offering me up Christian alternatives for everything and just because you aren’t the perfect  _ girl _ they’ve pictured me marrying I’m going to be shunned. You know what the worse part is about all of this? I’ll probably get a call from my mom in a few days like that entire conversation didn’t even happen. At Christmas time they’ll bring up the girls they’ve found that are just perfect for me like I didn’t tell them I was dating you. That’s what they  _ do _ Tyler, they just ignore all their problems until they go away. Well screw them, this isn’t a problem and it’s never going away, because I frickin’  _ love you _ Tyler and I don’t care what anyone thinks about it.”

Tyler finds himself blushing even though the entirety of Josh’s rant was quite sad. “Your right. Screw ‘em, because we’re two happy boys in love and we don’t need people that bring us down.”

Josh chuckles at that, sniffing as he wipes at his nose. “You’re right. We don’t. And at least we have one set of parents that are supportive.”

“We’ll be getting away from all parents soon.”

“True.” he sniffs some more. “Sorry for being such a baby.”

“Josh, I cry like every day. You aren’t the baby.”

“Let’s go back to a hotel tonight. I need some manly cuddles.”

“What about manly kisses?”

He grins. “Those too.”


	12. Initiative and Intention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark, Jenna, and a road trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the distance between updates recently, I've been in some sort of funk. Really hoping I get out of this soon, but I promise I'm still writing, slowly but surely.

Telling Jenna and Mark goes much more smoothly, which must be a gift from God, because boy did they need it.

Mark, of course, saw it coming, and his eyes light up before they’re even halfway done speaking. “You guys,” he starts off, the biggest grin either have ever seen crossing his face, “I’ve been waiting for this to happen again. Think of all the great shots I’m going to get when we head back on tour.”

Josh scoffs. “Can’t believe you’re using our relationship for candid photographs.”

“What else would I use it for?” his grin widens. “But no, you guys, you were always so much happier when you were together. I’m glad things worked out, even if it took a rocky path to get there.” Mark shoots Tyler a look. “How’s Jenna dealing with it?”

Tyler shrugs. “Haven’t told her yet. She’s next on the list.”

Mark nods. “Well keep in touch with me, okay guys? I’m heading down to New York this weekend to help shoot a music video. It’s gonna be awesome.”

The boys both nod. Mark deserves that. He’s been waiting around on Tyler just like Josh had and Tyler feels horrible about that.

The call with Jenna, Tyler fears, will not go over smoothly. Already in Spain, Tyler had decided to video call her so he could at least see her face. Tyler also had refused to let Josh in with him; this was something he needed to do himself, as a part of his plan to make things right.

“Hey Tyler!” her chipper tone already calms the mood as Tyler makes himself comfortable. She’s only been there a day or two, but her smile is genuine and real and she looks like she’s enjoying herself. “How are you?”

“I’m well Jenna, how are you?”

Jenna sighs happily. “I’m awesome. It is so beautiful here Ty, I forgot how much I loved the ocean. Now enough of me, what’s up?”

Tyler takes a deep breath, trying to fill his lungs up with as much air as possible. He can do this. “Josh-”

“Tyler,” she interrupts immediately, her smiling not once faltering, “are things... okay between you guys? Better than okay?”

_Whoosh_ goes his breath. “Yeah,” he agrees. “Way better than okay. He... he told me he loved me.”

“I told you Tyler. You two were meant to be from the beginning of time. Look around you. Do you see relationships as pure and lighthearted as yours? Those are few and far and you are so lucky you found one. And you told him you loved him back, right?”

“Of course-”

“There you go Tyler. You latch onto Josh Dun and you never let go, understand?”

“Jenna? I just want to thank you for being so supportive of me from the start. You’re probably the best person I’ve ever met and I want you to know that.”

Jenna clucks her tongue and rolls her eyes, but a blush spreads across her cheeks. “Oh hush, I’m just being a friend. And you know I’m going to always be there for you, right?”

“Yeah.” he grins. “I know.”

Jenna smiles back, whipping her head back as someone speaks to her. “Sorry Ty,” she says, still looking behind her, “but I have to go scout out some cute guys.”

A laugh. “Talk to you later Jenna.”

“Bye Tyler.” the call ends, and Tyler takes a moment to collect himself. He was extremely thankful that Jenna was supportive, thankful that his friends were supportive, and especially his parents.

He tugs at long tuffs of hair and sighs, immediately pressing fingers into his eyes after that. Things had been so complicated since his accident and Tyler knows it probably won’t be getting any less stressful. He’s just hoping, praying really, that touring with Josh, watching him play and be in his happy place, will remind him that it’s his happy place too.

There’s a knock at the door, and a head full of pink hair appears in the crack. “Tyler? How’d things go?”

They’re at Tyler’s parents house for the night, per the request of his mother. The two take off for Connecticut early tomorrow morning so Tyler figures it was the least he could do before taking off for a few weeks. He knows he never really saw his family with all the touring he did, so this was the last huzzah for him, that was, hoping these few shows would be the final puzzle piece.

Tyler touches his hair again and scoots over as Josh joins him on his small twin. There’s really no room for one grown man, nonetheless two, but Josh doesn’t seem to care, and Tyler certainly doesn’t. “It went well actually. She’s thrilled things are okay between us. Last time we talked, uh, you and I weren’t on the best of terms.”

“Right. But things now... We're good?”

“I'd like to think we're doing okay.” Tyler grins at Josh's blushing face and presses a light kiss to his nose. “I love you Josh. A lot.”

“I love you too Ty. I'm excited for these next couple of weeks. My favourite thing about touring-”

“Is exploring the scenery,” Tyler says out loud, causing Josh to chuckle softly.

“Well, there's that, but mostly it's being with you. How many people get to travel the world with their best friend? I mean, how many people get to explore and play music and-”

“Not many,” he interrupts. Josh nuzzles closer.

“Exactly. Do you... I know you remembered some stuff, but do... do you remember why you liked touring?”

Tyler shakes his head. “Not really. But I figured spending time with you was one of them. Really all I have are a bunch of feelings swirling around in my head. I’m hoping to put names to them soon.”

“I know you’ll be able to.”

He smiles, tilting his head downwards under Josh’s chin. “I know I will too.”

\---

Early the next morning, after some tearful goodbyes, (actually, more like one. Tyler’s mother wouldn’t stop crying, going on and on about how her “baby was all grown up” even though Tyler was already a full grown adult. He didn’t say anything though, only hugged his mother tightly and promised he’d be back soon.) the two climb into Josh’s car and start the long drive up to where the next show is going to be.

Tyler tries to stay up, but it’s 4 am, the sun’s not up yet, and he’s struggling to keep his eyelids open as they drive past blaring lights. Josh has something playing over the radio - Tyler thinks it might be Brand New but he’s not quite sure - and he jolts himself awake after closing his eyes for almost a minute. Josh laughs, causing Tyler to glance over.

“What?”

“Dude, you can sleep. It’s fine.”

“No, I wanna keep you company. S’a long drive you know.”

“And we have lots of time to keep each other company. Go ahead and sleep Tyler. You need it.”

Tyler nods, but he doesn’t like the fact that he’s leaving Josh, who is probably just as tired as he is, to drive in the dark alone. He can’t do much about it though, because he’s out in five minutes.

The next time he wakes up, the sun is peeking over the horizon and the time reads 6:05. They’re pulled up to a gas station, the driver’s side door open as Josh pumps gas into his tiny rental car.

“Josh?” he calls, stretching his limbs as he leans over to better see his friend.

“Hey there sleepyhead.” Josh grins as he sits down, waiting for his tank to be filled. “You got a good few hours, huh?”

“Uh, yeah.” Tyler rubs his eyes with the heel of his hand and unbuckles his seatbelt. “Can we get coffee?”

“You read my mind. Here,” he pulls a ten out of his wallet and hands it to Tyler, “you go get it while I finish up. I want mine black. You get whatever.”

“Sure.” he pockets the bill and climbs out of the car, staring at the building for a few moments before sucking in a deep breath. He’s not sure why he feels so nervous going in without Josh by his side. He realizes he’s going to have to get used to being alone, since he is a full grown adult and stuff.

The door chimes as he enters and Tyler keeps his head down as he makes his way to the back, praying nobody will recognize him. He didn’t want to disappoint any eager fan today.

With shaky hands he fills each cup with coffee, slapping a lid on Josh’s and filling his own with creamer and sugar (and satisfyingly taking a sip) before making his way to the counter. The girl looks young, probably 19 or 20 if he had to guess, and her eyes light up in surprise.

“Just these?”

“Y-Yes please,” he stutters out, pushing the ten her way. She’s still eyeing him carefully, studying him almost, as she gets his change. And then,

“Aren’t you that one guy from that band?” she snaps her fingers, the gears turning. “Oh god, my sister loves you guys. Uhm... ah! Twenty One Pilots.”

Tyler shakes his head as he quickly collects his change. “Nope, never heard of them.” and he takes his cups and rushes back out to the car, tumbling into his seat, hot coffee spilling into his lap. Josh stares at him for a few seconds as Tyler scrubs at the growing coffee stain on his thigh with his hoodie sleeve.

“You okay Tyler?”

“Huh?” he looks up at Josh’s worry. “Oh. What? Yeah. I’m fine.”

“Someone recognized you?”

Tyler sighs. “How’d you know?”

“Because I know you dude. Sorry, I should have gone inside with you.”

“No, no it’s fine. I did it myself. Everything’s fine. Besides, she barely knew who I was.” he forces a smile. “Can we go now?”

“Sure.” Josh squints his eyes but doesn’t say another word, just pulls out of the gas station and gets back on the freeway. It is then he speaks. “Is there a reason it bothered you so much?”

“I hate disappointing people Josh. I hate seeing their hopeful faces or frickin’ even sympathy because of what happened to me. It just makes me wish I was my old self more and more.”

“You’re still Tyler.”

“But I’m not _your_ Tyler.” He puts so much emphasis on the your that Josh huffs and Tyler can feel tears burning the back of his eyelids. “Do you have my medicine somewhere up here?”

Josh speaks as Tyler unbuckles and digs around for his medication. “Tyler, it doesn’t matter what stage you’re at, you are always going to be my Tyler. I love every single bit of you.”

He stares at the tiny orange pills in his shaky hand. “I’m just nervous I’ll never be myself again.”

“You can’t think like that Ty. I know it’s scary and difficult, but you still have time to discover who you once were and still are.”

“ _God_ Josh, you have no idea how badly I want to be able to sit down at a piano and play through an entire song or causally strum a ukulele or bass and suddenly remember how to play it. I want to remember creating the words I hear in my own songs. I can’t-” he chokes, cursing under his breath at how goddamn emotional he is.

“Hey.” Josh maneuvers his hand over to Tyler’s wrist and grips it tightly. “It’s going to happen, okay? Things will come with time, and I’m going to be right here the whole time. You don’t have to get through this alone.”

He sniffs. “You promise?”

“I promise.”

“Okay. We can do this.” he tosses the pills in his mouth and downs them with coffee.

\---

About four hours into the road trip Josh hands his phone off to Tyler to let him pick the music and of course Tyler puts on their own songs. Josh smiles, shakes his head, but leaves it there. Tyler’s thankful for that, thankful for Josh, thankful for support.

They stop a few more times for gas and the restroom, Josh never leaving Tyler’s side. (He claims he’s just there for protection, but Tyler is more than sure it’s so he doesn’t have another breakdown.) On the road they do nothing more than talk or listen to music, although it’s more Josh doing the talking, telling more stories of their on the road adventures dating all the way back to the first time they played together.

“We were playing to this group of college kids,” he starts, his words delayed by laughing and wheezing for breath. “One guy tried to pee on my drums and I shoved him away because, dude. That’s gross. Not even that, but we didn’t even finish the first song because the police showed up. I had quit my job for this show and we didn’t even get to play it.”

“You quit your job?”

“Well yeah. You needed help ‘cause no one else was available. I couldn’t get off work in time to go up there to play the show with you so I quit.”

“What was your plan B?”

Josh laughs. “Didn’t have one. Sure is a good thing this worked out.”

“Jeez, I don’t think I had a plan B either.”

“Then it’s a _really_ good thing this worked out.” they both burst into another round of soft laughter, Josh’s hand absentmindedly finding its way to Tyler’s. “I’m glad we get to do this.”

“Hopefully we can keep doing it. You know, since neither of us have a plan B.”

“We will again someday, don’t you worry.” he flashes a soft smile and clears his throat. “So we have like two hours left. When we get to the venue I’ll take you to the bus to get you situated, and then we can go inside so you can watch soundcheck or whatever. I do have to go take this car back to the place.”

“Right.”

“That does mean you’ll be alone for like half an hour. You okay with that?”

“I’ll be fine. Is the venue... is it big?”

“Well it’s not an arena. It’s smallish I guess. When I get back I can introduce you to the guys. They’re actually from Ohio.”

“I don’t know much about them besides the fact that you were touring with them,” Tyler admits sheepishly. “Probably because I was so focused on you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I tried to see what you were up to even though we were fighting. And you seemed happy.”

“I am happy. I’m happier now that I’m with you and we’re together. And soon we’ll be back on the road and everyone will be happy.”

Tyler smiles. “Exactly.”


	13. Music and Mischief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler loves touring almost as much as he loves Josh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some notes:  
> 1\. I apologize for such a late update. Like I mentioned before I've been struggling with motivation to really do anything, but I'm trying to climb over that hill.
> 
> 2\. The band Josh is touring with is called Jupiter City and they are a fictional band I borrowed from this original story I wrote like two years ago. (Fun Fact!)
> 
> 3\. Look. I realize it's very cliche to even mention "We Don't Believe What's on TV" in any joshler fic but IDGAF. Tyler totally wrote that song about Josh and he's lying to all of us.

Tyler stands outside the venue doors for a few seconds, trying to soak it all in, see if he remembers anything. Josh says they’ve played this venue before several years back, but Tyler doesn’t remember that.

And so Josh leads Tyler by the hand through crew members and sits him down in a chair by the bar. The room is full of loud noises, instruments and backing tracks and what not, so Josh has to lean in to speak.

“I’ll put your suitcase with my stuff,” he shouts, fixing the falling strap of his backpack, “And I promise I’ll be back as soon as I can. It’ll be half an hour tops.”

“Okay,” Tyler nods, crossing his arms over his chest. He really doesn’t want to be left alone at all, but he figures making Josh happy is more important.

“Oh, and before I forget,” Josh holds a finger out, sliding his backpack of his shoulders to unzip it. He pulls out a package in Christmas giftwrap. “This is for you.”

“It’s not Christmas,” Tyler replies, grinning as he takes the package out of Josh’s hands. Josh rolls his eyes.

“It’s the only wrapping paper your parents had. I’ll be back in a few.” one smile later, Josh disappears, fixing the straps of his bag as he weaves between people.

Tyler stares at the gift in his hands before ripping open the paper. It’s a journal, a nice one too, one that’s bright red. Josh even tucked a black ballpoint pen inside.

He scoffs, still smiling, as he peels back the front cover and reads the note Josh left for him.

 

_Tyler -_

_You have about a thousand notebooks, so consider this a thousand and one._

_I want you to have this just in case there’s something you need to scribble down. This is much better than Taco Bell receipts and notes on your phone. Also, you usually bring something when you’re touring, and here we are. I want you to enjoy yourself Ty. If anyone deserves it, it’s you._

_I love you._

_Josh_

 

The first thing Tyler does is flip to a new page. He looks up, watching a crew member say “one, two,” into the mic before looking down. And then he writes everything he can that reminds him of Josh.

Josh is home. Josh is nice hands and fluffy hair and _lovelovelove._ Josh is strong, Josh is happiness, Josh is a reason to _live-_

Tyler gasps quietly to himself as a realization falls over him. He flips to a new page and scribbles,

_used to say I wanna die before I’m old but because of you I might think twice_

Tyler is frozen to his chair, because he _remembers._

He pulls open his phone and stares at the song name long and hard. Tyler _knew_ something was up with that particular song, that song he had written about Josh and didn’t tell anyone, didn’t even tell Josh, and lied or made jokes when people asked if it _was_ about Josh. Tyler feels his heart stirring with those unnamed emotions and he just _knows._ That’s how he puts passion into his songs. He can’t play a song if he can’t put passion into it.

Tyler looks up the chords on Safari and mumbles them under his breath, trying to memorize so he can play it later. He’s gotta show Josh, Josh is going to flip-

“Hey, Tyler, right?” a guy with bright blonde hair drops down at the table, interrupting Tyler’s thoughts. Tyler looks at him curiously. “I mean, I already know who you are of course, but... shoot. Sorry. I’m awkward.”

Tyler chuckles a little and offers his hand. “It’s alright. Me too.”

The stranger grins. “Mason Davis, bassist of Jupiter City here. It’s such an honor to be meeting you. I’ve listened to you guys since the beginning and jeez now Josh is touring with us and-” Mason stops himself. “Oh. Sorry. I’m getting carried away. Are you... you okay with him touring? Since he is your drummer and all.”

“Not like we can go on tour any time soon,” Tyler shrugs. “It’s alright. He’s happy.”

“So many more people have been coming to our shows. It’s probably because we have the drummer of Twenty One Pilots with us, but whatever. It’s cool just to have people come.”

He nods. “I'm sure that's a great feeling.”

“Oh you-” Mason frowns, his face turning red. Tyler is sure he's remembering Tyler’s “condition.” He definitely recognizes the sympathy flashing across the kid’s face. “You don't remember... Like the shows and stuff.”

“I remember feeling great that people were coming to see Josh and I perform and that's all that really matters.” Tyler smiles, trying not to falter because he knows this kid looks up to him and Josh is friends with all these people. “What happened to your original drummer?”

“Oh, he’s taking a break right now. Touring was getting to be a little too much for him. Which I can understand.”

Tyler ignores the thump of his heart against his ribcage. “You... you can?”

“Well yeah. You’re away from family and friends and living out of a suitcase. It’s not for everyone, but I think it’s the best thing in the world.” with a smile, Mason pats Tyler on the back. “I gotta head up on stage for soundcheck now. It was great talking to you man, see you later?”

“Yeah, sure,” Tyler nods, watching the young bassist make his way backstage. With a tiny sigh, he turns his attention back on his journal and decides he’s going to write some more.

\---

When Josh comes back, he pulls Tyler into a hug and sits down next to him, flashing one of his award winning smiles.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything is great. Thank you for this by the way. It’s nice.”

“You already writing?” Josh peers over in curiosity to which Tyler closes the cover.

“I am, but it’s a secret.”

“Come on,” he whines, but Tyler stands his ground.

“Later.”

“Okay fine.” Josh gives in. “Have you met anyone yet?”

“Yeah, I met the bass player. He’s nice.”

“Mason? Yeah, he’s incredible, and the youngest out of all of them. He just barely turned nineteen. He’s a big fan of us.”

“He mentioned that,” Tyler nods. “Am I gonna get to meet everyone else?”

“Of course! As soon as we’re done we’ll get you backstage. The openers still have to soundcheck too. We can get some lunch if you’re up for it.”

“Oh god yeah. I’m starving.”

“You and me both.” Josh pauses, hope flickering in those big brown eyes of his. “Anything come to you yet?”

“Yeah actually.” Tyler smiles, determined not to give it away until he’s had time to practice.

“Really? That’s great!” he stands up, gesturing back to the stage with a thumb. “I’m gonna head back now. It’ll only be a little while, promise.”

“I like watching you play the drums,” Tyler admits, his face turning red, “take all the time you need.”

One smile later and Josh disappears the same way Mason did.

\---

Tyler decides that it was perfectly fine Josh was touring with these people.

They are all so _kind_ to him, constantly making sure he’s comfortable, giving him and Josh all kinds of praise, even asking for _advice_ even though Tyler knows he isn’t qualified to give advice at this state.

Chase Elliott is the lead singer, and _god_ does he have a voice on him. Tyler is surprised he’s never heard of these dudes before. Plus, he plays piano, and lets Tyler sit next to him, slowly going over chords structures and notes. Tyler nods, following his fingers closely. It’s strange of course, because he knows he’s played piano for a long time, but it’s also all kinds of amazing to have someone reteach him.

And in fact, Chase knows one of his songs already and Tyler recognizes it without having to ask or look up the song title. He _feels_ it.

“Addict With a Pen,” Tyler whispers, and Chase nods.

“You know?”

“Remembered.” he rests fingers on the keys and swallows nervously, scanning the sea of black and white. This song brings up bad memories. “What’s this note again?” He attempts to change the subject, pointing to a random key.

“That’s a D,” Chase says, his face still full of worry, but he drops the subject.

Isaac Taylor, the guitarist/master of string instruments, reveals to Tyler he has a ukulele of his own. “We don’t use it for shows much, but I’m still trying to convince them to let me put it in a song. Mason thinks we’ll sound too much like you.”

Tyler laughs. “I think that’d be flattering.”

“Really? Glad someone agrees with me.” He grins. “Do you remember how to play it?”

“Sort of. You mind?”

“Not at all.” he watches Tyler closely as the singer picks the strings delicately and mouths the notes to himself. He did bring his own uke with him, but that’s back on the bus, and any chance to practice is one he’ll take. He wants to learn that song for Josh.

And so he picks the chords for _We Don’t Believe What’s on TV,_ ignoring all his surroundings and Isaac watching him. This song, it’s for Josh, it’s the first one Tyler is going to finish and perfect so he can see Josh genuinely smile just for him.

Everything has got to be perfect.

The show that night is packed with people, and he can see several of his own band shirts from backstage as well as ones for Jupiter City. He sits off to the side, right on the edge of the stage and out of sight from the audience but just enough for him to people watch. Tyler writes down everything he’s feeling. He figures that by writing the feelings down, things might come to him about his own time on tour.

There’s been people too, people that have come over with backstage passes around their necks to speak with him. Most of them are young adults or teenagers, but for once he feels comfortable speaking with them about his health and condition to their own inspirations and ambitions. It brought back some good memories of good conversations with _his_ people, the people that carried him through his high and made him who he was.

“Tyler!” there’s a hand on his shoulder and he slams his notebook shut, thoughts gone as he cranes his neck to the cheery smile of Josh. He’s all ready to go for the show and beautiful as always. “You doing alright?”

“Yeah, I’m great.”

“Awesome. The openers come on in five. I’ll be floating around here somewhere, if you need me tell a crew member, okay?”

Tyler nods, smiling back as Josh presses a kiss to his hair (probably not the smartest thing he’s ever done in public, but Tyler isn’t complaining) and melts back into the rush of people backstage. He’s alone again.

Well, not really of course, but without Josh around to provide all the comfort and warmth in his life, Tyler _feels_ alone. It’s a different alone though, one much more different than the times he would sit on the bathroom floor and feel so _alone_ in the world. This is settle, quiet, and it’s nice to have time to think.

There’s so much thinking to catch up on.

\---

He feels alive. Happy. On top of the world.

Watching those guys perform - watching Josh perform - was incredible. Tyler had felt a sense of purpose, and for a brief moment Tyler felt power surging through his veins. He _wanted_ to do exactly that.

Josh meets with Tyler after the show, sweaty and shirtless, with a large smile on his face. “Come with me to the green room?” he shouts over the roar of the crowd and Tyler nods quickly, following the drummer through the crowd and down a small set of stairs to the couple of rooms designated for the band. When they arrive at the room at the end of the hallway, Josh locks the door before reaching for a towel strung across the back of a chair. Tyler sits down on the loveseat and tucks his journal in his lap.

He’s watching Josh intensely, studying him, taking him in like large glass of water. Every freckle, every pore, every pink curl matted to his forehead and his whole body covered in sweat; Tyler feels a spark inside him and sinks lower into the cushions.

 

_“You did good tonight,” Josh whispers, sweaty and smiling, as he grips Tyler by the shoulder tightly. They’re rushing down the hall to the green room to shower and change, adrenaline surging through them from an amazing show. A sold out arena, 20,000 people, and a city so beautiful they were both a little sad they couldn’t stay and explore a little._

_“Not as good as you,” Tyler grins back, slamming Josh into the wall the minute the green room door swings shut. He looks at the drummer with lust and leans his head back slightly. “I kept getting so distracted tonight by that,” he pauses to trail his fingertips across Josh’s bicep and presses down on his hips, “beautiful, toned body of yours.”_

_“Don’t think I didn’t see the way you kept flaunting around on stage,” Josh murmurs back, grinding up, letting his head bang back at the pleasure and friction. Tyler chuckles._

_“I’m gonna blow you.”_

_Josh doesn’t argue._

 

As the scene plays over and over in his head, Tyler realizes that this fantasy of his could quite possibly be a possibility if he plays his cards right. And his face turns red.

“Ty? Everything okay?”

Tyler blinks a couple of times, not really thinking. “Can we have sex?”

Josh stares. Opens his mouth, closes it, and swallows. “Well, probably not _here,_ I’m not sure where we could-”

“I don’t mean now, I mean if we go back on tour. I’m just, I’m seeing you right here all sweaty and sexy and-” he stops, realizing the words leaving his mouth. “Oh god. I’m sorry. I’m going to stop now.”

“No,” Josh replies, his voice just a bit more husky as he feels for the arms of the chair behind him to sit down. “Go on.”

“I’d… I’d slam you against the wall,” he points, voice shaky, because whatever they’re doing right now is _very_ strange, “tell you how distracted I was watching you play the drums like that.”

“Were you distracted tonight?” Josh raises an eyebrow, a smirk rising to his lips.

“Oh yeah. There was only one problem with watching you on stage.”

“What’s that?” he’s up now, moving across the room to be closer to Tyler who’s given up hope at trying to hide his blush. The thing about Tyler is that he’s remembering a little bit more of his personality and… _features_ , per say, ways he acted with Josh when they had been together all those years ago and maybe that’s what is giving him all this confidence.

“You weren’t playing with me,” Tyler responds, glancing up at the drummer sitting down next to him.

“Tyler Joseph, are you telling me you’re _jealous_?”

“Yes Josh, I am. Because I want to be up there with you. I want to be able to look over at you playing and get so distracted I forget to sing. Because you are _mine_ and I still can’t believe it.”

Josh laughs, full on laughs, (totally killing the mood mind you) and squeezes Tyler’s thigh. “More and more every day are you back to your old self Ty. I love it. I love you.”

It suddenly makes sense to Tyler why he felt so upset when Josh said he was going to tour with some other people. But if Josh says he’s more like his old self, than Tyler isn’t going to complain. “Think of all the trouble we can get into on tour. Man, I can’t wait.”

“That eager after only one show?”

Tyler nods, a sly smile on his face. He pushes Josh on his back and kneels in between his legs, leaning forward to gingerly make out with him. There _definitely_ isn’t enough room for two grown men on this sofa, but neither one care, and Josh tangles his hands in Tyler’s hair with a happy sigh.

“I love you,” Tyler mumbles against chapped lips as he slides his hands down warm muscle. He leans back, always the tease, and scrunches his nose up in mock disgust. “But you stink.”

Josh laughs. “I’m only showering if you’re coming in with me.”

“You only love me for my body.”

“What else is there to love about you?” Tyler punches Josh in the shoulder. “Ow! Jeez, okay, sorry.”

He peels Tyler off of him and heads for the shower, stripping on the way over. Tyler watches smugly as Josh disappears into the bathroom, his boxers flying out the door and across the room.

With a snicker, Tyler starts pulling off his own clothes and follows.

Yeah, he could get used to touring life.


	14. Hope and the One Where Josh Tries to be a Hero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler has this plan set up. Nothing is gonna go wrong.
> 
> Except literally everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a whole hodge podge of stuff. Warnings for some homophobic language.
> 
> Fun fact: Tyler did a radio interview where the interviewer asked him who his biggest inspiration in music was and he replied with Brandon Flowers from The Killers and then went on to talk about how he cried at their concert back in 2008 on the Day & Age tour. See, the people we cry over cry over people too.

Each show brings new feelings and new(ish) memories for Tyler.

There were only four more left, but each one was just as exhilarating and incredible as the last. Tyler writes something about every show, and he starts to remember attending to concerts with bands he looked up to, the feelings of happiness and awe he had (okay yes, he did cry when he saw The Killers, but it’s frickin’ _Brandon Flowers,_ who _wouldn’t_ cry?) and don’t even get him started on his _own_ shows.

His fingers on the piano keys, his thumb strumming down the strings of his bass, his ukulele, looking up at Josh just _going at it,_ the crowds of people screaming, crying, cheering - it keeps him up at night.

He and Josh are sharing a bunk together on the bus; there’s hardly enough room and plenty of bunks Tyler _could_ be staying in but they wanted to snuggle (like “men,” Josh said, because they hadn’t told any of Jupiter City about their relationship) and sometimes when Tyler was wide awake thinking Josh would squeeze his hand.

“Whatcha thinking about?” he asks.

“Life,” Tyler replies. Josh presses a kiss to his hair.

“Well stop doing that and go to sleep.”

Tyler is quiet for a few seconds, listening to someone’s soft snores (probably Mason’s) and Josh breathing through his nose. “Did we ever play Madison Square Garden?”

“We were supposed to,” Josh murmurs, and Tyler can hear the exhaustion in his voice. Josh has really been helpful these past weeks, but Tyler knows he still has his doubts and frustrations. “Last two shows of the tour. We sold both nights completely out.”

“But then I fell.”

“Right.”

“Sorry.”

Josh sighs and fidgets underneath Tyler’s tangled limbs. “Go to sleep. We have a long day tomorrow.”

Tyler opens his mouth to say more, but Josh is slumped against him, and there’s something in Josh’s tired voice that tells him not to push it. And so he closes his eyes and tries to sleep.

\---

The next morning, aka, the last show of the tour, they are up bright and early, pulling into the venue parking lot around 6 am. Tyler has a plan for this show. He can’t let Josh know that after the show is over he’s going to play for him the song he’s been working on for the past two weeks. And so his plan is to not let Josh know anything is up and definitely not give anything away, which Tyler knows will be very hard because he sucks and always has sucked at keeping secrets. He also wants Josh to have a good day. He’s gotta keep the drummer in a good mood for this to work.

Except that fails because Josh gets a call from his mother.

Josh pulls his vibrating phone out of his hoodie pocket and his face creases in a little bit of annoyance. Tyler looks over for clarification, since they had just gotten off the bus and two seconds ago Josh looked completely fine, but one glance at the caller ID is all Tyler needs before he’s being pulled off to the side by Josh’s calloused hand.

“Mother,” he says softly, not raising his voice, being _very_ respectful mind you, and Tyler grips his hand in support. Josh nods a lot, and Tyler strains his ears to hear what Mrs. Dun is saying, but he can’t hear anything. (That’s what he gets for trying to eavesdrop.)  “I do love him mom, I love him a lot, and I’m happy. I promise. I don’t hate you, I’ll never hate you. You just have to give us a chance and trust me. I tell you everything.” his face turns red. “I’m not going to tell you that.”

Tyler tugs on Josh’s sleeve, awaiting the details impatiently, and Josh rolls his eyes. “I’ll call you back later and tell you everything, okay? I love you too.”

“Tell me,” he demands as Josh slides his phone back in his pocket.

“She said she was wrong to act the way she did back at the house, and she wants me to be happy. And I am happy Tyler. I’m very happy when I’m with you. You’re my best friend.”

Tyler clucks his tongue jokingly. “And here I thought we had something more.”

“It’s been a ruse this whole time,” Josh replies with a loopy grin. “I don’t know why she thinks I could hate her. I’m such a momma’s boy.”

“The whole world knows that,” Tyler nods in agreement, and Josh launches at him with grabby fingers, tickling him to the point where Tyler drops to the concrete in laughter. Josh straddles him, pins his hands down so he stops fidgeting, and leans down to kiss him. Tyler pushes up into the kiss with greed, sliding his now free hands low on Josh’s hips, teasing as he slips his fingers into sweats and digs nails into briefs. Neither of them have felt this happy in such a long time. It’s a nice feeling for sure, and Tyler knows his plan is back on track, which is good.

Until of course strike two knocks the wind out of him.

Someone gasps loud enough that Josh pulls back and leans on his knees, wide eyes looking over at not just one member of Jupiter City, but all three of them, staring like they had just witnessed a murder.

Tyler pushes Josh off and scrambles to stand up. He looks around, sighing when he notices that Josh had pulled him off to the side, as in the side entrance for literally everyone else to get into the venue. Their carelessness had exposed a secret.

“What,” Josh tries, trying to play it cool even though his hands are shaking by his side, “you don’t ever platonically kiss your friends?”

“That wasn’t kissing. You two were full on sucking face,” Isaac says.

“I always knew there was something weird with you two,” Chase adds.

“I ship it,” Mason shrugs, a smirk sliding onto his face. Josh then proceeds to beg them not to tell anyone about it, which doesn’t take much begging. Of course the guys abuse the hell out of Josh’s begging and demand all kinds of things they would never be able to have. (Mason demands a dragon. If Tyler found a dragon he’d be keeping that.)

“Kidding,” Chase promises. “Of course we’ll keep it a secret.”

“Thank you,” Tyler sighs with relief. He tries to remind himself that three strikes ends with an out. He does not need an out on a day like today.

“But you guys are buying lunch today,” Isaac shouts as they disappear into the venue. The two share a look before Josh presses Tyler against the outside wall and kisses him again.

“Cause this is such a wonderful idea,” Tyler mumbles against his mouth sarcastically and Josh thumbs over skin underneath his shirt.

“Sue me.”

“We really got to be more careful Josh-oooooooh,” Tyler’s breath leaves his body in a whoosh as Josh starts to suck a bruise into his neck. “I thought you were new to all of this.”

“Never said that. Said usually you’re the one leading, but I don’t see you fighting me.”

Tyler pushes Josh off of him and dusts off his hands. “Go do your soundcheck.”

“I don’t want to,” he whines, putting his hands back in places he knows Tyler will melt under, but the singer holds his ground.

“You got a job to do, especially after what just happened.” he gestures to the door of the venue and taps his foot.

Josh sulks in with a scowl. “Gotta ruin all the fun don’t you.”

Tyler grins. “Always.”

\---

The venue they’re in tonight is the biggest one they’ve been to thus far, with a large opening for a crowd as well as two more layers up above; Tyler spends a lot of time exploring, walking around, studying, looking, and writing down random stuff in his notebook that he finds to be “note-worthy.” He also scribbles some stuff in there about his plans tonight with Josh.

Tyler knows they get to stay in a hotel tonight because it’s the last night of the tour and everyone flies home tomorrow, so after the show he’s dragging Josh’s ass back to that room before anyone can stop them. He’s gonna decorate too, put the room in candlelight and order some takeout. Nothing is going to ruin Tyler’s plans for tonight. Sure, they had a couple slipups, only one really, but that’s the end of _that_ thank you very much.

Tyler spends a good amount of time doodling in his notebook up on the third floor before he hears footsteps and a gruff voice shouting at him.

“Hey, you’re not supposed to be in here!” and the very large man grabs Tyler by the shoulder and shoves him forward before he can even spit out a response. He remains frozen, panicking internally, because _shit shit shit_ he left his phone and his pass backstage with Josh and his voice is lodged in his throat. Plus, the openers are soundchecking right now, and Tyler doesn’t know them at all except for the fact that one of them has the same name as him.

They’re two floors down by the time Tyler can actually speak. “No, I’m with the band, I’m here with Josh-”

The guard scoffs. “Boy, the amount of times I’ve heard that excuse would blow your mind. You come back later tonight with a ticket and get in like everyone else.”

“I’m allowed to be in here, I got a pass!” Tyler swivels around and continues to plead with the man. “I left it backstage with the rest of my stuff. Just ask them, they’ll tell you-”

“Stop trying man, you’re making a fool of yourself.” The guard shakes his head, mumbles something under his breath, and the door slams shut behind him as Tyler tumbles to the cement.

He stands up immediately, yanks on the door handle and groans audibly at the locked door. “Don’t you know who I am?” Tyler shouts at no one. “I have songs in top 40!”

But no one replies, and he feels stupid for using fame as an excuse.

_Strike three, you’re out._

Tyler was out indeed.

He pounds on the door for a few minutes in defeat, praying someone will be passing and open it, but no one comes, and Tyler slides down the brick wall and hikes his knees to his chest. “This sucks,” he mumbles under his breath. He doesn’t have a phone or a wallet, just a leather bound notebook and a ballpoint pen. Tyler had told Josh he was going to look around, he hadn’t even given him a specific time, and they were going to go get food-

“The buses!” Tyler jumps up and rushes to the other side of the venue where the buses are. He doesn’t get very far though.

More security is currently guarding the buses and entrance to the venue. Tyler recognizes one of the guys; he travels with the band.

“Hey,” Tyler says calmly, even though his heart is beating far too quickly. “I got kicked out. Can you let me back in?”

The guard, Tyler’s pretty sure his name is Rob or something, half chuckles. “Tyler, is it?”

He sighs with relief. “Yes, that’s me. One of the venue guards kicked me out.”

“Where’s your pass?”

“Inside,” Tyler says firmly. Rob laughs again.

“Tough luck kid. Can’t let you back in without your pass.”

His mouth drops. Tyler is becoming more and more stressed out as the seconds tick by. “Seriously? You know who I am! You know I’m here with Josh!”

“Yeah, the boys just had to invite along a couple of fags.” this laugh is bitter and harsh and Tyler’s hands turn cold. This was exactly what he was afraid of.

He can’t speak, so Tyler just stands there.

“Thought you were doing a swell job of keeping that secret, huh? Cute. I’m in charge of security for this whole tour. It’s my job to leave no secret unturned. Now get out of here before I have to call the police.”

“Where the hell do you expect me to go?” his voice cracks. Tyler’s on the bridge of tears.

“You can come back tonight with everyone else during the concert. Just make sure you have a ticket.”

Clammy hands clench around his notebook and Tyler storms off, unsure of what else to do. This is the exact opposite of what he wanted to happen. And Josh! He fussed over the littlest of things, what the hell was he going to say?

He pauses to lean against the wall once more, tells himself to breathe, and assesses the situation. Josh has his phone, all Tyler needs to do is find a phone. Except…

“I don’t know his number.” Tyler yells in frustration and kicks a rock. This is all so stupid. If he would have brought his stupid phone and wore his stupid pass, none of this would have happened. He’s trying to hard not to cry.

Someone giggles.

And it occurs to Tyler that some people are waiting in line to be at barricade. _Good one Joseph._ With one more breath, he wipes his nose, blots at the few tears that escaped his eyelids and storms over to the front of the venue. Sure enough, a group of girls are gathered in a circle and in the middle of a conversation. He thanks God before diving in.

“Hey, could I borrow a phone to make a call?”

Eight heads turn his way and he stands like a deer in headlights. They recognize him, that much is obvious by the light in their eyes and how they seem like they’re ready to implode. Tyler clears his throat. “I uh, this is pretty important.”

The farthest girl in the back is the only one who doesn’t seem to be phased by Tyler’s presence. She’s a petite blonde with long hair and glasses, and pushes herself off the concrete, sliding her iPhone out of her pocket in the process. “Yeah, here.”

Her friends yank her down, pulling her phone out of her hand. “Don’t you know who that is?” he can hear them whispering very loudly into her ear. “That’s _Tyler Joseph!_ ”

“Who?” she asks out loud. Tyler rolls his eyes.

“I have to call Jo- someone. They kicked me out because I forgot to bring my pass with me.”

The girls continue to stare at him. Tyler finds this to be very weird.

“Wait,” a redhead speaks. She’s wearing a lot of eyeliner and a Jupiter City shirt. “Have you been _touring_ with them this whole time?”

Well shit. Tyler forgot nobody knew about that.

“Uhm,” he stammers, “not the whole time. Just the last few shows.”

“I didn’t even know you knew about Jupiter City,” another says.

“I’m with Josh,” Tyler responds impatiently. All he needs is a damn phone.

“Awww,” they all coo. Tyler taps his foot faster.

“Can I borrow a phone or what?”

“Is your head feeling better?”

Tyler about screams. “Yes. Please let me use a phone.” The blonde from before hands him her phone. She seems to be the only normal one in the group.

“I’ll delete all the numbers so none of my crazy friends can contact you or your friends,” she whispers. Tyler thanks God again, and disappears around the corner to call his mother.

Her voice is wary when she answers. “Hello?”

“Mom? This is Tyler.”

“Tyler! Who’s phone is this?”

“Uhm, some random person’s.” He decides to not tell her about the group of girls out front. “Listen, this is very important. Can you give me Josh’s phone number?”

“Sure! Is everything okay? Where’s your phone?”

“There’s been… complications,” Tyler chooses his words very carefully.

“Okay sweetheart. How are things going by the way?”

“Great. Please give me his number mother, I promise I’ll call later tonight.”

“You better.” she rambles off the number for Tyler nice and slowly and he scribbles it down in his notebook before shooting his mother a quick “love you” and hanging up. After a good few minutes of study, (he needs to memorize Josh’s number for special cases like this) Tyler calls Josh.

It rings and rings and rings and… goes to voicemail. Tyler mutters a hurried “fuck” before opening up the girl’s messaging app. He feels like he’s majorly invading privacy but really needs to do something.

 

To: Unknown Number (12:12 pm) 

_Josh this is Tyler. Plz answer ur phone, this is an emergency!!!_

 

He stands still, watching, waiting, for Josh to respond, but nothing is happening, and Tyler feels the stress and worry start creeping back into his bones. He’s going to be stuck out here all day in the middle of a city he’s never stepped foot in (well, city he doesn’t _remember_ stepping foot into) and it’s all because of his stupidity and a homophobic security guard.

What if Josh totally forgot about him? What if everyone had planned for this to happen?

_Shit._ He can’t breathe.

“Hey, are you okay?” Tyler looks up from the concrete he hadn’t even realized he had sank to at the blonde girl who’s phone is currently in his hand. “It’s been like ten minutes. I just wanted to make sure-” her eyes widen at the scene unfolding in front of her and she crouches down next to him. “What can I do?”

He’s glad she recognizes the panic attack he’s starting to go through.

“That’s a dumb question. Okay, just put your head in between your knees and breathe.” Tyler obeys her, focusing on his breathing and not the pain in his chest or the panic in his head. She takes her phone from him and makes a call. “Hello? Is there a Josh here? Could you grab him? This is pretty important.” a pause. “Josh? Hi, my name is Kara, I’m outside with, I guess your friend Tyler. I don’t know much, but he’s having a panic attack. We’re on the right side of the venue, like out the front doors and to the right. Thank you.” Kara hangs up the phone and gently lays her hand on Tyler’s back. “He’s coming right now, just hang in there. Keep breathing.”

When Tyler sees Josh, he no longer feels like he’s drowning.

Josh pulls Tyler tightly into his arms and refuses to let go, just holds him tightly as Tyler cries into his shoulder. He feels stupid to be crying over something like this, but that doesn’t stop the tears from flowing.

“It’s okay babe, I’m right here,” Josh whispers into Tyler’s ear, his face stern. Kara politely excuses herself after Josh thanks her.

He leads Tyler back to the buses, shoving right past Rob when he once again brings up that Tyler doesn’t have his pass with him. Together they climb inside and Josh continues leading all the way to a bunk at the back. He takes Tyler’s notebook from his hands and tosses it to the floor before holding Tyler tightly until the singer has stopped crying.

Josh presses small kisses to Tyler’s neck, the underside of his jaw, his hair, anywhere to make him feel better. “What happened baby?”

Tyler turns towards Josh, curling against his chest and balling fists into his shirt. “A guard kicked me out. I tried to tell him I was with you, but he didn’t believe me. And I was stupid and didn’t bring anything with me so I was stuck locked outside the venue with nowhere to go. I tried to tell Rob, but he, he-” tears start falling again and Tyler hates himself for being so emotional over something so pointless. “He called us fags, he knows we’re together, and he wouldn’t let me in and kept laughing and laughing-”

“Wait, _Rob_ did that?” Josh’s hand curls tightly over Tyler’s shoulder. “I’m going to fucking kill him.”

“Josh, no you aren’t,” Tyler argues, his voice soft. “He’s entitled to his own opinion-”

“He’s not entitled to be a homophobic asshole Ty. I’ve been touring with these guys this whole tour and he’s been with us the whole time. I’m going to talk to him.”

“I’m fine Josh, I’m just being overdramatic is all. I borrowed a phone, I’m with you now-”

“He caused you to have a goddamn _panic attack_ Tyler. I’m not going to stand for this.” Josh rolls out of the bunk and tugs down his shirt, his eyes flashing with fury. Tyler knows Josh is not a violent person.

“Don’t do this please,” Tyler begs, but Josh ignores him. He continues to follow the drummer off the bus, still pleading.

“Hey Rob!” Josh yells, and Tyler knows he means business. “You think you can go around and talk shit about us? You got something to say, huh?”

“You’re in a band, champ,” Rob chuckles, cracking smiles on the other two security guard’s faces. “Don’t think you have much of a chance against me.”

Josh growls, _full on growls,_ and charges.

Unfortunately he doesn’t get very far before Rob punches him in the face, sending Josh tumbling backwards to the concrete. He uses his elbows to cushion his landing, and there is blood _everywhere._

The guys also use this time to walk out of the venue, to go get Subway, Tyler later found out, and witnessed the entire thing.

Rob gets sent away, and everyone takes Josh into back inside the building. Mason goes to retrieve the first aid kit, Isaac gets Josh a towel and tells him to lean forward into it, and Chase uses paper towels to dab at the blood running from his scuffed elbows. Fortunately for Josh, his nose isn’t broken, but his right eye is swollen and already turning black and blue. Tyler feels terrible.

“I sure taught him a lesson, didn’t I?” Josh laughs a little while later after he had some time to nurse his shiner. He still holds an icepack to it, and Tyler can see him grimace every time his face scrunches up.  Jupiter City had left to go retrieve lunch and get Josh some more ice packs and a milkshake.

“You deserve that sport,” Isaac said jokingly, kissing Josh on the head shortly after.

“That was very stupid of you Josh.”

“I know it was. I was pissed, you know? Because it drives me absolutely _crazy_ that some people truly believe people like you and I don’t deserve basic rights because we’re gay. And he was treating you like shit and I don’t like that either. You’re important to me Tyler, and I’ll get punched in the face a thousand times if that means you stop getting hurt.”

Tyler sighs, and gently hugs Josh from the side. “You’re important to me to J, but I want you to think before you charge a 300 pound man next time, okay?”

Josh nods. “Alright.”

They sit quietly for the rest of the time, Tyler rubbing small circles into Josh’s back now that he’s the one that needs the comforting. Tyler tries not to think about how everything went to shit so quickly. Today was supposed to be a great day, and instead Tyler had been obliterated by the other team.

“We have your milkshake Joshie-poo!” Chase calls out from the opposite end of the venue, his voice echoing across the concert hall.

“Chocolate?” Josh asks hopeful, eyes big like a little kid.

“Vanilla,” Mason replies, grinning, “even though you’re far from that you kinky little dude.”

Josh groans.

\---

Despite all their setbacks, the show that night goes smoothly, and everyone goes off to celebrate when they arrive at the hotel. The hotel has a _bar,_ believe it or not, and there’s a whole parade of whooping and hollering heading into it to celebrate. Tyler pulls Josh back though, still wanting to go through with his plan. He’s hoping to cheer Josh up.

“We aren’t celebrating?” Josh asks, jabbing a thumb back at the bar. Tyler shakes his head.

“I’ve got other plans,” he says, pulling Josh upstairs to their room. The crew had already been kind enough to take their stuff up to their rooms; Josh and Tyler were sharing a room while Jupiter City shared another. The rooms had two beds, but it wasn’t like they would be using both of them.

“You know it’s a good thing I’m a drummer and I sit in the back the whole time. I really hope this black eye doesn’t get spread online.”

“That would not be good,” Tyler agrees, still holding Josh’s hand tightly, refusing to let go even if it is a dumb thing to do in public. “I think you’ll be okay.”

“Maybe if it does I’ll say I got a couple punches in first.”

“No one will believe that Jish.”

He sighs. “You’re right.”

When they get to their room, Tyler slides the “Do not disturb” sign over the handle and lets the door shut behind him, tossing the key onto the desk before making his way over to Josh who has already made himself comfy on the bed. Tyler never really got to the “decorating” part of his plan, but that’s the least of his worries.

“Tyler, you didn’t bring me up here for sex, did you?”

“Shut up,” he grins up at Josh before reaching for his ukulele. He runs through the chords in his head really quickly before dropping cross legged in front of the drummer. “I’m gonna play you a song.”

Josh’s face softens, and Tyler can’t quite tell the emotions he’s overcome by. After what seems like ages, he speaks very gently. “Really?”

“Yeah. Parts I remembered, parts I relearned. But if there’s something I know for sure, it’s that this song is about you. I lied all the time when people would ask me. Nobody knew this song was about you except me, but every line is true Josh, and I remember those hard times when I used to sit on my bathroom floor and think about what would happen if I put a gun in my mouth or strung a noose around my neck. You changed everything. You made me want to _live_ Josh. You made me love myself.” Tyler smiles again, but this one is more genuine, one just for Josh because he wants him to know how much he loves him.

And so Tyler strums those four strings with his thumb, inhaling sharply at the echoing tune, and begins his song to Josh. It’s a slower version, one stripped down and raw and not loud and fast like he’s done at concerts. He doesn’t look up at Josh’s face, just watches his fingers move with the chords and sings as clear as he can. It’s weird, singing again, because to him his voice is nothing special, it’s sort of awful actually, all hoarse from the crying and screaming and whatever else he did today. It’s been a weird, messed up kind of day, but Tyler guesses he has to have some of those like everyone else.

His voice rings out with the last note and he waits a few seconds, letting the sound resonate before he looks up at Josh. Josh, whose face is covered with tears and Tyler isn’t sure if it’s because of him or if he’s in pain from the black eye.

“You okay?” Tyler asks, setting his uke to the side as his face scrunches up in worry. Josh laughs, and it sounds like _goddamn silver bells_ as he pulls Tyler into a chest crushing hug.

“I fucking _love you_ Tyler,” he shouts, which makes Tyler laugh as he hugs Josh back. “I love you so much I sometimes forget to breathe. You are the most important person in my entire life and I don’t think I’ve ever met some with as much determination and courage as you.”

“You liked it then?”

“I loved it. I can’t believe it.You doing that, it sent chills through my body. You learned that for me?”

Tyler pulls out of his grasp, but there’s still a smile on his face. “Of course I did. Once I started learning it kind of came naturally. I let my fingers do all the work.”

Josh laughs again, his eyes shimmer with happiness and he seems to be having a hard time breathing, but that doesn’t seem to be bothering him. He pushes Tyler down onto his back and climbs on top of him, greedily pressing his lips against Tyler’s, and it turns heated in seconds. They both ignore the crash of the ukulele to the floor, too engrossed with getting their shirts off and touching skin everywhere; Josh’s thighs become iron clamps as his tongue swirls across skin and Tyler moans his name.

Tyler starts crying when Josh starts touching him, and he immediately releases Tyler’s hard cock from his hands.

“What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing,” he promises, “I’m just _happy._ ”

And for once, Tyler doesn’t have to lie about that.


	15. Decisions through December

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler celebrates his birthday and decides that maybe it's time he does things differently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is getting closer and closer to coming to an end. A happy end.
> 
> And man this chapter is one big sap filled fluffy mess. Have at it.

It’s the first of December, and it’s snowing outside. It’s nice snow too, one that covers everything in thick blankets of white and nobody ventures into lawns so it stays nice and preserved.

Tyler’s mother throws him a birthday party; they decorated the house in streamers and balloons and there’s even a banner that says “Happy 18th birthday!” which is sort of funny if Tyler is being really honest with himself. He knows for a fact how old he is, and he’s actually starting to feel that way.

And it’s nice to be celebrating a birthday with his friends and family; after all, he had missed ten of them.

It’s been two weeks since the tour ended and Tyler’s been staying with his parents for a while. Josh went back to speak with his own parents, and he really seems to be happier, at least, that’s what Tyler has noticed.

“They do love you Tyler,” Josh had promised the night he had called him over the phone. “I really took them by surprise. It doesn’t excuse them from their bad behaviour, but at least they’re apologizing for it, you know? They’re taking things in, and all they want is for us to be happy. I can understand the weirdness of this relationship we got going on.”

“It’s not very normal to be dating your bandmate,” Tyler agreed.

“I talked to my sisters today. They seem to be pretty supportive. Jordan claimed he knew it all along. Which maybe he did. He was a nosy little shit back when we first started this whole band.”

“Good.” A pause. “What did they say about that black eye?” 

Josh laughed loudly. “Don’t even get me started.”

They had stayed on the phone the entire rest of the night and into the early hours of the morning, Tyler not ending the call until close to 7 am. It was awful, Tyler thought, that Josh wasn’t right next to him.

But that was a week ago, and now Josh is right by his side, arm tossed around Tyler’s shoulders, and  _ jeez _ is it  _ amazing _ to not have to hide anything.

His siblings all hug him when they arrive at the house (all besides Jay, who was already at home, and had battled Tyler to a game of Smash Bros and completely smashed him, no pun intended.) Maddy gives him the biggest hug of all.

“I love you Tyler,” she whispers in his ear. “I want you to be happy.”

“I am happy,” he replies back, squeezing her tighter. “I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my whole life.”

“Josh is good for you. I approve of him.”

“I approve also,” Zack shouts over his shoulder as he shoves a handful of potato chips into his mouth. His mother smacks his hand as he reaches back into the bowl for seconds.

“Those are for dinner, knock it off.” 

He sulks sheepishly out of the room.

Tyler spends the most of his birthday party talking with family about the tour. Jenna is still in Spain, but she called him to wish him a happy birthday, and he gets a chance to speak with Mark about his music video shoot up in New York City, to which Mark calls it “totally insane” and rambles on for a good ten minutes about what happened.

“It’s nothing to what I’ve done for you guys though,” he grins, and Tyler hugs him, because Mark is great and Tyler is thankful for such a good friend.

They watch a rerun of  _ House M.D.  _ and after it’s finished they all file into the kitchen where his mother had made him a double layer chocolate cake. She pushes him into a chair and lights his candles, and Tyler doesn’t say a word as they sing him happy birthday.

He doesn’t make a wish because he already has everything he needs.

They open presents next. His parents give him a fitbit and a bunch of “learn to play ukulele!” books which makes him chuckle. He probably will use those.

They say the fitbit is for all the running around he’s going to do when he goes back on tour. Tyler promises he’ll wear it every day.

Maddy got him a really nice fleece hoodie, Jay got him a video game, and Zack got him a bunch of new picks. He thanks all of them with kind words and big hugs. 

Nothing compares to Mark’s gift though. It’s Tyler’s favourite.

Mark hands him a small black box with a red ribbon wrapped around it and everyone stares at Tyler as he unties the ribbon and pulls the lid off. Inside are at least fifty different photos, all of him and Josh. The best part though, is that these photos, the mix of polaroids and regular photographs, really are candid photos, dating all the way back to when Josh had dark hair. They look happy, with crinkled eyes and big smiles and hands brushing but never grabbing because there were always people around.

There’s one photo though, that Tyler stares at for a long time. He and Josh are soaking wet head to toe, their backs facing the camera. Josh’s hair is dark, almost black in the lighting, and his flannel sticks to his back. They’re holding hands, and Josh has his head tilted up in mid-laughter, and it takes everything Tyler has to rip his gaze away from how  _ angelic _ Josh looks.

He starts to cry, but sucks it up, thanks Mark, and the party continues.

\---

Later that evening after everyone had left and Tyler’s parents and Jay went off to bed, Josh and Tyler headed down to the basement. It was a place Tyler was very familiar with. Here he had cried, laughed, had his parents yell, threaten to destroy everything if he didn’t pay more attention to the important things in life like homework and basketball. It was the place he played his mother his first recorded work and hugged her when she cried.

“How you doing Tyler?” Josh asks as they settle down on a sofa in the back corner of the unfinished basement. There’s an old TV across from them covered in a thick layer of dust that no one has used in years.

“I’m good,” he replies, cuddling into Josh’s shoulder. “Today was a very good day.”

“I’m glad. What about overall?”

Tyler thinks about it. “I’m comfortable. I know who I am, even though I don’t know everything about myself. I know just the right amount I think, and I know I’ll remember more things with time. That’s what makes me so comfortable. I got a lot of people helping me out anyways.”

“Good.” Josh presses a kiss to Tyler’s hair and sighs happily. “I have a gift for you. I wanted it to just be us when you opened it.”

Tyler sits up immediately in curiosity and watches as Josh pulls out a tiny red box from his hoodie pocket. It’s smaller than Mark’s box, but his heart is still thumping in his chest.

Josh hands it to him carefully, and Tyler thinks something in it might be fragile so he doesn’t shake it or anything, just pulls the lid off and stares at the item inside.

It’s a concert ticket.

“We sold out Newport,” Josh says softly, like he’s afraid to disturb the silence. “Back in 2011. We got to play the basement, which was a huge deal. All those people, they were there to see  _ us, _ not because they were forced to when we opened for the bands people actually wanted to see. And it was right here, on this very date, that our career began. This was a very special night for the both of us. It was night we had our first kiss.” Josh chuckles a little, his face blossoming into a pretty shade of pink. “I don’t know if you kept your ticket. It’s probably somewhere, but I think you should have this one.”

Tyler blinks a couple of times as he holds the concert ticket in his hand. The paper is fragile, like it could fall apart any second, and it’s crumpled and stale like most old things are.

But it holds all kinds of memories Tyler can’t  _ wait _ to remember.

This time he can’t keep his tears in. 

And so he cries his happy tears and Josh holds him closely as they sit in the silence of Tyler’s dark basement, the basement he faced his demons in so long ago, and the snow continues to fall outside.

Josh kisses his neck, his jaw, his fingers, his arms,  _ everywhere _ there’s exposed skin, and Tyler starts laughing. It’s happy laughter, because he’s  _ happy, _ which is absolutely crazy when he thinks about it. Because Tyler has been doing lots and lots of thinking.

He never thought he’d be happy. He thought he’d be dead before he turned 20.

But look at him now, he’s 28, he has the best boyfriend in the world and a supportive family and supportive friends and everything feels  _ safe. _

“I love you,” Tyler tells Josh as the drummer continues to kiss him. Josh finally finds Tyler’s lips and presses him onto his back, the sofa creaking with their weight.

“I love you more,” Josh tells him back, and Tyler knows he means it. And that night, they kiss and kiss and kiss until Tyler’s eyelids flutter shut, and he falls asleep on that ratty couch in the basement across from the TV with all the dust with Josh right next to him.

\---

Josh has to go back to California. 

Tyler pouts for a very long time. He doesn’t want Josh to go back to California. He wants Josh to stay here with him in Ohio at his parents house where it’s safe and they have good memories.

“You can come back with me,” Josh tells him, but Tyler really isn’t sure if he wants to go that far away from his family again. 

The following Monday after Tyler’s birthday, his mother sits him down at the kitchen counter and takes his hands. He smiles a little at the callouses starting to form from his ukulele.

“Tyler,” she says sternly, but it isn’t harsh like her tone use to be when he got in trouble as a kid. “You need to go back with Josh.”

His eyebrows furrow together. “What about you and Dad?”

“Honey, you’re an adult. Which I realize now, as much as I hate admitting it. You aren’t my little baby anymore than used to roll toy trucks across our carpet or throw a foam basketball into your laundry basket. You've done so many things that have left me in awe and I'm so proud of everything you've accomplished. And I know you’re afraid. You have every right to be afraid. I was afraid.” she sighs. “Tyler, the night of your accident, when I got the phone call from a hysterical Josh and had policemen come to my door to give me further details, I couldn’t move. I didn’t even think I was breathing. I just sat on the sofa and stared off into space because I couldn’t comprehend that you were hurt and on the brink of death. And Tyler, they told me you were already dead, and I didn’t want to believe them. But you are so strong, and you got better and made improvements and I can’t thank God more that you are still on this Earth and safe. For the longest time I didn’t want you leaving. I was scared something like this would happen again, and the next time I would lose you. But it’s time to stop living in fear. You can’t live with us forever Ty. You gotta get back out there on your feet. Touring with that band was just the beginning. You can’t give up now.” she pauses, studying his face to make sure he was still paying attention. “I know you’ve struggled these past couple of months and it broke my heart. You have people that love you sweetheart. You have Josh. And he needs you.”

“I’m worried,” Tyler shakes his head sadly, “that I’ll mess something up. That I’m not ready for what he wants me to do. That he’s going to ask for something I can’t give him. I already screwed things up with Jenna-”

“She still loves and cares for you sweetheart. Our mistakes do not define us as people. It’s how we learn from them.”

He sighs. “I don’t… I don’t want to be away from you guys. I practically abandoned all of you, didn’t I? I was on tour so much that I hardly ever saw you-”

“It’s your  _ job _ Tyler. That’s hardly your fault. And you have so many people out there in the world that need you. They need what you do. They need to hear from the person they look up to that everything is going to be alright.”

It takes a few moments for him to think about his mother's words, but he knows she is 100% right. “You’re right.” Tyler pushes out from the counter and smiles. “I gotta get back on my feet. I have to start again. I can’t abandon Josh and push him away. He’s my coworker. He’s my… yeah. He’s my best friend and I love him.”

“Exactly.”

Tyler hugs his mother tightly, still smiling into her shoulder as she kisses the top of his head. “I love you mom.”

“I love you too Tyler.”

Tyler tells Josh he’s definitely going back to California with him, but there’s more to it than just that. He has to tell Josh the big news.

And so he takes Josh to a park late in the evening. It’s freezing and the two of them are bunched up in hats and winter coats and gloves sitting on a bench under the glow of a street lamp as snow falls peacefully around them. Tyler had always hated nights, but he feels okay with this one. Maybe it’s because Josh is sitting right next to him.

“How’s your morale?” Josh asks, which causes Tyler to snort.

“Pretty normal. What about yours?”

“I’m cold,” he responds. Tyler pushes closer.

“So I wanted to tell you something pretty important J. So important that I had to drag you out to an abandoned park in the snow and darkness.”

“Go for it.”

Tyler takes a deep breath. “I’m ready to get back into music. I’m ready to go on tour. I’ve been thinking, and I can’t keep living in fear the rest of my life because I have gaps in my memories. I need to get back on my feet and show the world that they can recover from hard falls because I did. And I promise that I’m going to push and learn as much as I can from the memories I already have. I’m ready to start over.”

Josh is quiet, and Tyler thinks he may have broken him. He grips Josh’s forearm tightly and leans forward to better see his eyes. “Josh?”

“Are you sure Tyler?” he finally speaks, shifting his body towards Tyler. “I don’t want you to push yourself into doing something you aren’t ready for.”

“Josh, I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing this for me. The more and more I think about my senior year of high school, the more I realize how depressed I was, and how much passion and determination I put into creating my own songs. And I never stopped, you know? I know you feel the same way. But they aren’t my songs anymore. They’re  _ our _ songs and it’s time they get played again.”

He chuckles softly, tilting his head towards the sky, snowflakes landing on his eyelashes and the tuffs of faded pink sticking out from underneath his beanie. He’s so  _ pretty _ and Tyler can’t help but think about how  _ lucky _ he is. “Alright then. I’ll make some phone calls when we get back to Cali.”

“I feel like we also should explain some things,” Tyler adds. “We haven’t exactly been keeping the fans up to date. They’re probably freaking out not knowing anything. Also doesn’t help that they didn’t know we were even talking again, none the less hanging out. And those girls at that Jupiter City show know I was there with you. So maybe we can just clear some things up.”

Josh shrugs. “You do know that we don’t have to share everything with the people who enjoy listening to our music. Our lives can stay private.”

“But don’t we owe that much to them?” Tyler frowns. “I dunno I guess.”

“It’s much more fun to screw with them,” Josh grins, gently running his gloved fingers across Tyler’s cheek. Tyler laughs and shoves him away.

“You’re mean.”

“Tyler Joseph that is something  _ you _ told me.”

His mouth drops. “No way!”

“Yes way. You’re so inconspicuous with the way you announce things. I swear you’re always leaving lyric clues on your instagram photos or make some shady ass tweet. You love fucking with people.”

Tyler starts to pout, mostly because he doesn’t remember any of that, but it does sound a lot more fun than posting some boring Tumblr post. Josh kisses him, his hand sliding to the back of his neck, and Tyler hums happily. There’s always something new to experience when he kisses the drummer, and the burst of emotions he feels are always so diverse and significant that his head spins and his cheeks warm up and his breaths come short.

“Fine,” he mumbles. Josh laughs again and reaches for his phone.

“This is going to be the best tour in the history of all tours.”

 

_ @twentyonepilots: Soon. _


	16. The Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is much harder than he thought it'd be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think there's probably only going to be one or two more chapters of this. Something to wrap it all up nicely.

The next few months are a blur.

After Tyler had said his goodbyes to his family, he and Josh left for California, which turned into phone calls and meetings and practice, practice, practice.

And practice is right: Tyler spends every waking second practicing everything, fumbling with notes on his bass, replaying songs on his ukulele over and over again, mumbling the lyrics under his breath, brushing his fingers across the keys of the piano. And piano is the easiest for him, because it comes natural and the more he sits and mumbles, the more he remembers. He’s confident for once, confident about what he’s doing and what’s going to happen.

Tyler spends far more time in the rehearsal room than Josh does, but the days they work together are Tyler’s favourite, mostly because he’s reminded of all the good times they had on tour, and hearing their own music fully and together at once reminds him that his life is starting to fall back into place.

The day they announce their tour, titled “A Less Emotional Roadshow,” the internet breaks. It’s the biggest tour they’ve done yet, traveling to all 50 states, even overseas to Europe and Australia, and the two couldn’t be happier. They spend the night reading articles and tweets, even having a little celebratory makeout session that leaves them both naked and breathless.

Then come ticket releases. Venues that hold 20-40,000 people sell out in mere seconds; Tyler can’t believe any of this is real. It’s still hard for him to comprehend that these people want to see him and Josh perform.

He calls his mother to tell her the good news, and all she responds with is “I knew you could.”

The tour is set for summer, which is over a year since Tyler’s accident, and personally he thinks there couldn’t be a better time. Of course, that didn’t give him a ton of time, but he was eager to start his life again.

So the months pass; Tyler rehearses, they speak with managers and representatives and radio stations, prepare for tour life, and enjoy their time together. Tyler had pretty much moved into Josh’s room since he basically spent all his time in there anyways.

And when days were hard, when Tyler messed up all his chords and couldn’t play any of the right notes, Josh would pull him into a tight hug and tell him everything was going to be okay, Tyler wouldn’t find himself being so frustrated and hurt anymore.

The day they finally sit down to put together some setlist is a day neither will forget. They had been basing everything off of the setlist from the previous tour; Tyler had been trying to learn a little bit of everything for his own sake, however they both agreed that the original needed some improvements.

“It’s kind of a tradition to open with the first song on the album,” Josh points out, “Heavydirtysoul with all our _Blurryface_ shows, Ode to Sleep with all the _Vessel_ ones.”

Tyler sighs. “I know it’s a tradition, I just want this to be different.” his face suddenly lights up with a wonderful idea. “What if we base it off the Newport show? You did say that was a pretty defining moment in our career.”

“It was,” Josh nods, “but we played like nine songs. We get to do a ton more this time.”

“So we play those nine songs and toss in some more later. Even better, we change it up between shows. I don’t want to have the same show every night. That’s boring.”

“You want to play different songs for different shows?” Josh looks very confused.

“Yeah! Why not? I mean, obviously we have a list we go off of, but that way each show is special and unique. We still of course open with the same song and end with the same song. Just a handful are different. Besides,” he feels his face starting to grow warm, “I know more of the old ones.”

Josh chuckles and shrugs. “What the hell. Let’s do it.”

And so they compile a long lists of songs, personal favourites of the two, and scribble down which songs they want to play when and where. Josh suggests still opening with Heavydirtysoul, only because “it’s a tradition,” and Tyler agrees only because Josh is probably right.

They take a ton of elements from the previous tour, because Tyler never got to finish it, and he guesses it’s probably some kind of closure thing for Josh, and maybe even him.

It isn’t long before they fall into a system and the days fly by as they continue to work towards the tour. They meet with their crew, discuss the matter of lights, pyrotechnics, costumes, makeup - a world semi familiar to Tyler, but still strange. He’s not quite sure if he remembers the paint from memory or because he saw pictures, but it isn’t hard to recognize the feelings that tag along with it.

One day Josh pulls Tyler into a room with the rest of their touring crew - there are of course the familiar faces, Mark, Michael, Brad, Ben - and some Tyler doesn’t recognize (but pretends to anyways for the sake of their feelings.)

“Look,” Josh starts, eyeing Mark who is grinning ear to ear because he already knows where this topic is going, “Tyler and I have some things to say before the tour starts and we start living in close proximity together.”

“One,” Tyler continues, shooting Josh a look because he wasn’t aware Josh was going to do this _right now,_ “As I’m sure all of you know, Jenna and I are no longer together. Nothing ended badly, but we did realize some things about ourselves that most likely weren’t going to change. And the divorce has been finalized and stuff now.”

“That being,” Josh takes over, still looking around to make sure the guys are following, (and they are with very confused faces, except Mark of course,) “that Tyler and I are-”

“Dating?”

“Making love?”

“Doing the do?”

“Sharing a bunk?” everyone speaks at once, causing Josh to roll his eyes. Of course. What else would he have expected?

“Okay, everyone quiet,” Mark calms the crowd with a wave of his hand. “Let the boys talk.”

Tyler clears his throat, shooting Josh one more look before he talks. “We’re dating. Yeah.”

The crowd once again launches into disarray, and Mark shushes everyone again. Michael raises his hand slightly, a smirk slowly rising to his lips.

“Oh boy,” Josh mumbles under his breath as he gestures with a flick of his wrist.

“Now Tyler, Josh,” he steps forward, now grinning ear to ear, “you guys are well aware I’ve been with you for awhile. And I gotta tell you right now, that this is no surprise.”

“Really?”

“Really,” the guys all agree.

“See? And half of them weren’t even here back in 2011.”

“But-” Josh starts to argue, and Michael cuts him off again.

“You think we couldn’t hear you two doing _stuff?_ We kept our mouths shut to protect your pride or whatever. Figured you would tell us eventually. Just didn’t realize all the crap you’d go through first.”

Tyler’s face is bright red, and Josh is about three seconds from running out of the room. “Great then. So we’re good? Everything is fine? No one is going to freak out if we kiss or anything?”

“Might freak out if I see you kissing Mark,” Ben retorts, and Mark makes fake gagging noises.

“Definitely not,” Mark answers.

Josh shakes his head. “You all suck.”

“That’s your job buddy,” Mark shoots back, ducking out of the way as Josh tries to punch him in the shoulder.

\---

Days continue to tick by, and tour looms in front of them like a huge raincloud. They announce the opening act - Jupiter City of course - which further hypes up the fans. Practically every show is sold out and Tyler spends every minute he can repeating, rehearsing, practicing. He hardly sleeps, keeping himself awake with redbull and amphetamines, which really is a terrible combination. Josh has to drag him away from his notebooks and instruments when he knows Tyler is about to reach his breaking point, which of course Tyler puts up a fight every _single time._

“You need to sleep,” he says, and Tyler rolls his eyes.

“I need to _practice,_ ” is his answer, to which Josh snorts.

“No you don’t. You’ve practiced plenty for today. Health is more important.”

“The tour starts next week!”

“I don’t care. You know the material. Now we need to focus on you having normal sleeping patterns and being healthy before touring destroys that, okay? Please, for me?” Josh pouts, and Tyler sighs in defeat, climbing into the king to snuggle up to the drummer’s chest. He knows he can never say no to Josh.

“Fine. But tomorrow as soon as I wake up it’s back to the grind. This week is going to go by far too quickly and I need to be ready.”

“Tyler, you _are_ ready. I promise. We’re going to sound fantastic.”

“Hopefully,” he mutters, and Josh kisses him to shut him up.

\---

It comes far too quickly for them to fly back to Ohio.

The first show is in Columbus; the two were very determined to start in their hometown. Both of their families are going to be there, siblings, grandparents, cousins included, as well as roughly 20,000 people.

And the minute he steps into the venue, the minute he sees all the seats, the stage, _everything,_ Tyler panics.

Maybe it’s stupid to be panicking over something he’s well aware he has done a hundred and one times, something he even _remembers_ doing, but he can’t believe he’s here. He can’t believe that mere _hours_ from now, he’s going to be dressed up, and there are going to be thousands of people screaming for well, them.

“Tyler?” Josh’s soft voice appears next to him, as well as a hand on his shoulder. Tyler jolts out of his thoughts, takes a deep breath, and forces a smile.

“Yeah?”

“You ready? We’re gonna head backstage and start setting up.” he tilts his head, studying the singer.

“Right.”

“You doing okay?” Josh shifts, setting all his stuff down on the ground to instead steady Tyler. “What’s wrong?”

“We’re playing a sold out hometown show tonight in a place I never thought I’d ever be in ever again,” he whispers, all that panic finally starting to bubble over the edges as tears begin to fall. “I’m freaking out.”

“Hey, hey,” the drummer finally pulls Tyler into a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around his thin frame, allowing him to bury his head in Josh’s chest. Josh rubs his back in small circles. “Tell me, you remember the shows, right? You said that?”

“Well y-yeah,” he hiccups, “but it’s different, you know? I don’t want to disappoint anyone. I’m not the same, I don’t think I’ll ever be the same-”

“And that’s _okay._ You don’t need to be the same person you were a year ago. We change, we develop, we move forward, and that’s okay Ty. And tonight, you are going to get up on that stage, and you are going to show the world how hard you worked and how talented you are. You aren’t going to disappoint anyone. I promise.”

Tyler nods as he separates himself from Josh’s arms. He’s gotta be brave if this is going to work. He said he was ready, and he has to act that way. “Okay. Let’s get to work.”

Josh smiles, and Tyler’s heart flutters (he knows he will never get over that smile.) “Stay positive. I know you can this.”

Soundcheck isn’t really as bad as Tyler thought it was going to be. They had decided to do all the original newport songs within the setlist, and this was probably going to be the only show with all the original songs. These were the people that had made them after all.

Besides, he _does_ know all the songs, and Tyler feels more and more confident as the day goes on.

They pause for lunch, and Josh allows Tyler a moment on stage by himself. He stands still, right at the edge of the stage, with his eyes closed and his bass in his hands and he uses this time to _think._

His emotions bounce back and forth far too many times that it’s probably unhealthy, but that doesn’t matter to him.

Then comes the meet and greets. Several radio stations had checked with them, wondering if it’d be okay, mostly because everyone and their grandmother knew about Tyler’s accident, and even though Josh was very concerned, Tyler assured him he was okay with it.

Each person they meet has plenty of kind words for the both of them; they tell Tyler that they are glad he’s doing okay, how worried they were, how they’re happy they decided to go back on tour. Some tell them stories of staying alive, thank them for their music, and Tyler is so overcome with happiness that he had to step to the side to collect himself.

Josh was right. He had nothing to worry about.

Back in the green room, they begin to prepare for the show. Josh goes to pull his suit out of his trunk (they decided to stick with the red suits once again, mostly because of that closure thing) when Tyler pushes Josh down onto the couch. Josh stares at him with wide eyes as Tyler palms his shoulders and sits on his lap.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m feeling neglected,” he says, sticking out his bottom lip. Josh rolls his eyes and pads his fingers across Tyler’s hips. With a sigh Tyler leans forward, kisses him softly, which of course turns passionate as Josh gasps for breath and yanks Tyler’s shirt off of him. They know perfectly well what they’re supposed to be doing; Jupiter City is on stage at the moment, and they’ve only got a 45 minute set, which probably is about halfway through.

Josh is the one to pull away, as much as he doesn’t want to. “Come on Ty, we gotta get ready.”

“We didn’t make out in any closets today.”

“It’s the first show of the tour. We have plenty more to screw around.” Josh pushes Tyler off of him, who slides to the floor with a huff. “Up and at ‘em confident man.”

Tyler sticks out his tongue, but climbs off the floor and heads to change himself.

\---

Five minutes till showtime.

All they can hear are the screams of the fans, and Tyler’s getting more nervous as the seconds tick by. He’s counting them, that’s for sure.

“I’m terrified,” he says out loud. Josh pats him on the back.

“You got this buddy. You know every word. You’ve practiced this.”

“I had this one memorized,” Tyler assures him, but that doesn’t change the fact that he feels like he’s going to vomit the minute they walk on stage.

“You got this.”

“I got this.” Tyler takes two seconds to change his mind. “I don’t have this.” he turns around to leave, barreling back down the stairs as he fiddle with his tie. He’s terrified beyond all belief.

“Tyler,” Josh chases after him, “wait!”

“I have stage fright. I’m going to fail. I can’t do this.” Tyler shakes his head frantically and attempts to loosen his tie that suddenly feels like it’s choking him.

“Look at me.” Josh forces Tyler his way and leans his forehead against the other. “Tyler, you aren’t going to fail.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I _do_ know that. I’m going to be here the entire time right next to you, I promise. You need help or reassurement, you look right behind you and I’m going to be right there. I’ve known you for seven years Tyler. I love you. I know you can do this. Everyone out there knows you can do this, and they _need_ you out there.”

“They need me,” Tyler repeats. Josh kisses his forehead.

“Once you get out there, it’ll be like you never left.” one smile later and he takes off into the darkness, onto the stage, to settle behind his drumset. Tyler moves to the wings, closes his eyes, and takes as many deep breaths as he can.

The intro to Heavydirtysoul starts; Tyler watches them lower the microphone.

He takes one more deep breath.

_I’ve got this._


	17. We Did it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler's getting used to tour life. Josh celebrates a birthday. Tyler does something pretty crazy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so one more chapter of this and it's done. I'm glad you guys stuck around and I'm even more glad you enjoyed reading it. I had fun exploring the real world. (As weird as that is.)
> 
> And I'm sorry this is cheesy, but you know, those two dudes have such a cheesy relationship and with all the angst I usually write it's just nice to write some disgustingly fluffy stuff.

“Are we doing Forest tonight?” Tyler calls from the bathroom as he begins lathering himself in black paint. It’s cool against his skin and reminds him that this is actually his life, that he actually gets to live his dream, despite all the several setbacks he's experienced.

“I think we talked about that,” Josh appears in the doorway, ready to go like he usually is. Only thing he doesn't have on is his suit jacket, and the tie is loose around his neck. Tyler was always the one to procrastinate.  “You know people are getting pretty annoyed that we’re doing this.”

“Doing what?”

“Switching up the songs.”

Tyler shrugs. “Bite me.”

Josh laughs softly as he leans forward for Tyler’s shoulders. He’s gentle as he moves Tyler around, his back hitting the wall with a dull _thud._ Tyler looks at him with a glint in his eyes, a smirk rising to his lips, as he wraps a hand around the back of Josh’s neck right as the drummer ducks in for a kiss. It’s soft, gentle, one that leaves the both of them with more adrenaline than before. Really, Tyler thinks those are the best kisses. 

They’re about a quarter of the way through the American leg of the tour, and Tyler fills with more confidence each passing show. He has messed up, sure, but with Josh on stage with him, he feels safe. This is what he was born to do.

Tyler breaks off the kiss this time and pulls away to continue getting ready. “Think it’d be a good night for some celebration.”

“We are in a hotel tonight,” Josh agrees as he steps in front of the mirror, and promptly freezes. There’s a very obvious black handprint on his neck.

“Shit,” Tyler whispers, his eyes going wide. The paint hadn’t dried all the way yet. “I’ll clean that off for you.”

“Nah,” Josh chuckles a little, “leave it. It’ll fuel their fantasies.”

That gets Tyler to crack a smile (and maybe even turns him on a little bit) as he finishes up with the paint. “Alright, if you say so.”

Josh presses one more kiss to his cheek. “Five minutes.”

\---

“Are you all still with me?” Tyler asks the crowd of 15,000 people. His reply comes in the form of cheering, and it plants a smile across his face. WIth the lights flashing in the crowd, all the happy and tear stained faces he can see between blinks, it makes him feel so incredibly good. “Let’s give it up for my good friend Josh Dun on the drums.”

Everyone screams again as Josh stands up and bows before he slides off his drum set and joins Tyler up front. “How you feel about the show tonight?”

Josh smiles. “It’s wonderful.”

Tyler nods and swings an arm around his shoulders. “Not as wonderful as you.” the crowd fills with a collective “aww” and it makes Tyler wonder just how much he could get away with. “Now Josh, I’m sure tons of people have noticed the smear on your neck. You wanna tell us that story?”

Josh’s face turns red as he shoots Tyler a look of  _ what the actual hell.  _ Of course, he has to make something up on the spot so the fans don’t get suspicious, but he knows they’ll eat all kinds of crap up. So he reaches for the microphone with a shit eating grin. “If I remember correctly you so desperately wanted to kiss me and didn’t really think about your wet hands.”

This time Tyler’s face turns red, but he really hopes his sunglasses hide it. “Oh yeah. I always think about kissing you.” the crowd goes wild, and the two of them share a secret smile before Tyler drops to his knees and shouts, “Josh, you are the love of my life!”

Josh rolls his eyes, but the funny part is that he knows Tyler is a hundred percent serious. With one more smirk, Josh chugs a water bottle as he heads back to his designated spot on stage.

“I can’t thank you guys enough for being here.” Tyler continues talking, although he’s a bit more serious this time. “I can’t thank you enough for believing in me, for caring about Josh and I, and for caring about the band. It was a stressful year, but I’m thankful for the experiences. I’m thankful for my family, for good friends, and for all the support I got from everyone. I didn’t expect this tour to be so full.”

The crowd continues to cheer and scream, which is not unusual, but it causes Tyler to swell with a sense of pride as he glances back at Josh.

“Lets keep going, huh?”

\---

“Close your eyes!” Chase demands hurriedly as he presses down on Josh’s shoulders. They’re in Tennessee today, and it’s Josh’s birthday. Tyler seriously couldn’t believe his accident had been over a year ago. He’s much happier than he had been last year, and he likes to believe Josh is too.

“What are you guys doing?” asks Josh as he cracks an eyelid open. Mason joins Chase across the table. It’s lunchtime, and they’ve paused soundcheck for food, Penn Station to be exact, per the request of Josh.

“Close you eyes dummy,” Mason echos Chase much more forcefully.

“Okay fine, jeez. I’m closing my eyes.” Josh slams his eyelids shut as the rest of Jupiter City gathers around the table (even their drummer Carson was back!) and Tyler leans in closely, his breath tickling Josh’s ear as some rustling comes from in front of him.

“Okay, you can open them,” Tyler murmurs as Josh opens his eyes. On the table sits a cake with 29 candles already lit.

“You got me a cake?” he asks even though it’s quite obvious.

“It was Tyler’s idea,” Isaac explains. “It’s your favourite too.” The five of them join in an off tune version of “Happy Birthday,” the grin never leaving Josh’s face as he blows out his candles and makes a wish.

“Happy birthday old man,” Tyler smirks, ducking down to kiss Josh on the cheek. He doesn’t care there are other people around.

Josh nudges his head up at the last second, catching the singer full on the lips. Tyler’s perfectly cool with that though, and settles comfortably on Josh’s lap. The two ignore the fake gagging of all the others and lose sight and focus of the world around them.

“I love being happy,” Josh mumbles after a few seconds, because he knows watching two dudes kiss probably isn’t the best form of entertainment.

“I love being happy too,” Tyler responds.

“Cut the damn cake,” Mason interrupts, his arms crossed. Everyone laughs as Tyler slides off of the drummer and reaches for the knife.

At the show that night, Tyler gets the entire crowd to sing Josh happy birthday. The crew and bands go out to get drinks after that, Josh’s actual birthday celebration, But Tyler pulls Josh to the side at the last second.

“What’s up?” Josh asks with a little bit of worry. Tyler assures him everything is okay before he swallows nervously.

“Uhm, I know it’s your birthday and stuff, and things have been pretty weird over the past year.”

“Right,” Josh nods his head, beckoning Tyler to continue.

“I want you to know that I’m feeling great. I’m feeling better than great actually. I feel ready to take on the world and I haven’t felt that way in such a long time. I finally have my life together. I know we went through a lot of shit to get it that way, but I’m glad that everything is okay now, you know? And I’m going to take a couple minutes to be super cheesy because Josh, I love you a whole lot, and I don’t think I say that enough. I’m  _ in _ love with you. Seriously, everything about you makes me fall in love all over again, and I just, well, I love the way you make me feel. I wouldn’t want to travel the world with anyone else. And you know what? It took me losing you for me to realize that I don’t want you going anywhere or doing anything else with anyone. I want-” Tyler cuts himself off abruptly, swallowing nervously as he drops down to one knee. Josh’s eyes blow wide.

“I wanna marry the heck out of you,” he says softly, cheeks glowing pink as Josh continues to stay at the ring in Tyler's fingers.

“I wanna marry the heck out of you too,” Josh finally replies back, his eyes wet as he pulls Tyler off the carpet and into a tight hug. “Shit man. I can’t believe this.”

“Either can I,” Tyler laughs as he pulls back to slide the ring onto Josh’s left ring finger. “This is crazy.”

“Absolutely crazy.”

“We’re engaged!” Josh lays a fluttering palm on his forehead. “How long were you planning this? How-”

“I brought the idea up to my mother during a phone call a couple months ago, and she told me to go for it. I even talked to your parents for their blessing, and surprisingly I got it. So there’s that.”

“Are we going to tell people? Am I gonna…” unable to finish his sentence, Josh leans back against the wall. “Shit. I’m engaged.”

“Are you gonna pass out on me?” asks Tyler with a little bit of worry in his eyes. Josh chuckles, and shakes his head.

“I’m still in shock. Because this is  _ fantastic. _ I don’t know what else to say or do or, shit, wait! We gotta tell the crew. What about the fans? They’ll notice the ring, they’ll get suspicious, but if they know about us who the heck  _ knows _ what will happen-”

“Josh!” Tyler takes Josh by the shoulders and shakes him gently. “We go at our own pace, okay? Just like you said. Our lives are private.”

He nods. “Right. Yeah. You’re right. We tell everyone when we feel ready.” And one grin later, Josh takes off running into the bar. “Hey guys! I’m engaged!”

The crew erupts into semi-drunken “hoorays” right as Tyler enters the room. Mark throws an arm around his shoulders and plants a kiss to his cheek.

“My roommate is all grown up!”

Tyler rolls his eyes, face turning red, but he can’t help but grin.

“Tell me,” Michael shouts over laughter and loud chatter, “how you feeling right now?”

“On top of the world,” Tyler yells back.

And you know, it’s nice to not have to lie about that.

\---

Later that night, the two lay side by side in a hotel bed, naked, breathless, and happy. Tyler stares at the ceiling, and listens to Josh's heavy breathing.

"What did you wish for?" he asks quietly. Josh takes a few seconds to reply.

"Didn't need to wish for anything." and with that, he snakes an arm around Tyler's sweaty waist and pulls him in for a kiss. "God Tyler, I love you."

Tyler smiles. "I love you too."


	18. Deadlines and Commitments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there someday." - A.A. Miline
> 
> Funny thing is, Tyler didn't think "someday" would come.
> 
> But it did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, here's the last chapter.
> 
> I'm glad you guys liked my cliche story. Thanks for sticking around.

It was so totally like them to casually drop hints to the fans that they were getting married.

The two discuss wedding plans throughout the tour; Tyler posts pictures of ties and suits he looks at on Instagram with the caption “Trying to find my aesthetic” while Josh tweets about finding good locations for “practical events.” Everyone online has their own theories and conspiracies that put the two of them into belly laughter.

They decide to have the wedding next spring; honestly the two really don’t even want to wait _that_ long, but they have to finish this tour, and there’s too much going on anyways for them to hop into another project. (Tyler’s even started writing again!)

The two also have to mentally prepare themselves for all the hate that is most likely going to be thrown their way the second they announce the marriage, and on off days they list off every possible insult. They come to the conclusion that they’ll be able to brush it off, but that’s not always going to be the easiest thing in the world.

Tyler facetimes Jenna to tell her the news. She’s been back in Ohio for a few months now, and although the two had tried to stay in touch, with Tyler’s busy schedule that was quite hard to do.

“Hey Tyler!” She waves, a smile plastered across her face. Her hair is much blonder, he notices. It suits her. “How are you?”

“I’m good! I like your hair.”

“Thank you! Figured I’d go lighter.” her grin widens. “How’s the tour going? Looks like you’re enjoying yourself.”

“I am,” he nods. “I love it. I love it so frickin’ much.”

“I told you so.”

“You did.” Tyler clears his throat. “So there was something I actually wanted to tell you.”

Jenna cocks an eyebrow. “Good news I hope?”

“Yeah! Definitely. Uhm, next spring, sometime in April probably, Josh and I are getting married.”

She squeals, full on squeals, and claps her hands repeatedly. “Oh Tyler I’m so happy for you! Did you ask him? Did he ask you? How long ago was this?”

“It wasn’t too long ago. I asked him. I just… I felt weird, you know? I wanted to be with him and I didn’t want us to be apart.”

“Right,” she agrees. “Because you guys are soulmates. And you bet your ass I’ll be there. I better hear all the details.”

“Of course!” Tyler exclaims. “I would never keep you out of the loop. Now how’s your love life?”

“Great actually! I met someone named Adam. He’s from Maine. Have you ever met anyone from Maine?”

“Not that I can recall,” he humors her.

“He’s amazing, and we like all the same things and it’s nice. Not that our marriage wasn’t nice, it just, it wasn’t-”

“There wasn’t any zing,” Tyler finishes.

“Exactly.”

“Well,” He shifts his position, “I’m glad you’re happy. I’m glad we’re both happy.”

“It took a lot for us to get that way, but you know, in the end, I think that’s a good thing. Isn’t that the purpose of life? To find happiness? I mean, if you’re automatically happy, then there isn’t purpose. You gotta work for it.”

“And you have to find your own purpose on top of that. We all find different meaning in our own lives.”

“Because a kitchen sink to you, is not a kitchen sink to me,” Jenna says teasingly, which causes Tyler to roll his eyes. It’s true though. The path he’s taken to get to this point hasn’t been pretty for him or the people around him, but everything happens for a reason. He thinks about what would have happened if he hadn’t fallen. He would have blamed Josh for his adultery, and the two would have never talked about things. He and Jenna would have continued on with an unhappy marriage. And the band, what on earth would have happened there? Would the two bandmates had sat in passive aggressive silence every time they were forced to spend time together?

Tyler shudders. He doesn’t even want to think about that.

“When are you guys coming back home?”

“We’ll have a few days back in Ohio before we head off for the European leg. That’s in a few weeks I think? Yeah. Sounds about right. I lose track of time on these tours.”

Jenna sighs happily. “Europe is nice.”

“Yeah. It really is.” He thinks about all the fun Josh and he can have over there and grins.

“How’s your memory coming along?”

“Fantastic actually. I mean, I pretty much can remember mostly everything. I’m sure there is some stuff I’ll remember in due time.”

“I know I’ve said this about a gazillion times, but I’m so so proud of you Tyler. I’m proud of the person you’ve become. I’m proud you’ve stood up and admitted your mistakes, I’m proud you never once gave up, and I’m proud of the way of the way you’ve shaped your career. I just want you to know that.”

Tyler thanks her, but he knows a simple thanks will never be enough. He owed a lot to Jenna.

The rest of the conversation fades into “catching up,” and they end it hours later. Tyler ventures into the hotel room with his laptop under his arm, quiet as he pulls off his jeans and slides into bed next to Josh. It’s close to three in the morning, and usually the two would still be wide awake, but this particular show had wiped the drummer.

“Tyler?” Josh mumbles groggily, rolling over to pull himself closer. Tyler curls an arm around Josh’s waist, allowing him to curl into his chest.

“Hey there,” Tyler whispers back, pushing a lock of faded pink hair off his forehead. “Sorry I woke you up.”

“S’okay. How was it with Jenna?”

“It was good. She’s happy for us.”

“Mmm. Good. We play in Boston tomorrow.”

“We’re in Boston right now,” Tyler chuckles, pushing his fingers further through Josh’s unruly hair. Josh hums in satisfaction, twisting his hands in Tyler’s shirt.

“Another night then.”

“Yeah. That’s right.”

“M’tired.”

“Go to bed you dork.” He presses a fluttering, tiny kiss to his boyfriend’s forehead as the drummer hums again.

“Love you.”

“I love you too.”

\---

Tyler, honest to god, _loves_ touring.

And he knows he’s always loved it, but for some reason, this feels different. Waking up every morning with Josh next to him, traveling every day, watching the landscapes change and morph into mountains and oceans and plains, seeing all the different venues, closing his eyes and letting the music rush through him.

And every single show is different, amazing, incredible, the people, the lights, _everything._ He writes down something from every show and reads over them every night.

The two have been quiet, possibly even avoiding the question of _should we tell the fans?_ because they really have no clue. It really hasn’t been mentioned out loud.

But they only have three shows left, and Tyler decides it’s time to attack the question head on.

He pulls Josh off to the side during soundcheck despite the drummer’s protests.

“Tyler, we got a lot to do today.” he huffs, turning to leave. Tyler tugs on his arm again.

“This is important, okay? It’ll take five minutes. Hopefully.” After a brief moment, Josh sighs and nods his head.

“Fine.”

“Okay.” Tyler takes a deep breath. “I think we should tell people. Like, _those_ people.”

“Oh.” Josh looks at him, at the floor, and back at him. “Really?”

“I mean, we can only get away with so much. I’ve already seen posts online about a possible wedding. Here we are talking about suits and wedding locations and dates… I mean, I kind of just feel like we should, you know? We don’t have to make it spectacular or anything. I just, I don’t want to hide anything anymore. I want to be able to wear our rings, I want to hold your hand in public, I want to be able to kiss you without having to worry about anyone recognizing us.”

“Yeah, that would be nice.” he sighs again, running a hand through his hair out of nervousness. “So what do we do?”

“I was thinking about continuing to drop hints. And at the last show of the tour, the one at Madison Square Garden, we drop a big one.”

“What’s that going to be?”

Tyler grins. “Surprise.”

With narrowed eyes, Josh shrugs. “Alright. And then what?”

“On our wedding day, we post pictures. No big deal.”

“Oh Tyler, that’s evil.” he’s grinning too.

“Like I said. No big deal.”

\---

True to his word, Tyler drops a big hint during their last show.

It’s been pretty emotional, these last shows at MSG in particular, because _jeez_ the two have _dreamed_ of playing here and this is their big “we made it” moment. The whole show, Josh knows Tyler is up to something, but he hasn’t bothered to ask, knowing there really isn’t a point. Tyler wouldn’t tell him even if he was dying.

And then it happens.

Right smack in the middle of the show, right before they went into the “House of Gold/We Don’t Believe What’s on TV” mashup, Tyler waves Josh over.

“Let’s give it up for my best friend,” he says calmly, shifting into a shit eating grin as Josh throws an arm over his shoulders. “And look, I know we have like, a _show_ to do and stuff, but Josh, I just, I gotta do something I’ve been thinking about doing the whole show.”

“What’s that?” he asks into the microphone. Tyler’s grin grows bigger.

He kisses Josh on the lips.

It isn’t a peck either, it’s a full on kiss, one that Josh melts under and pushes into, because _fuck_ a million things are running through their minds and neither can believe the amount of adrenaline rushing through their veins. The crowd is insane, loud, pounding in their ears as Tyler pulls away and slides the microphone back onto the stand, reaching for his ukulele in the process.

“We got a show to do,” he repeats, still grinning.

\---

The kiss gets posted everywhere online, interviewers are constantly asking the two about it, but they made a pact to ignore and swerve around the question until their wedding day. And that day comes faster than expected.

They have the wedding right in Columbus, despite the hundreds of other, much nicer locations. Family and friends from all over are there, even friends from other bands; Brendon, Dallon, Pete, Patrick - even Alex and Jack.

Tyler nervously keeps playing with his cuff links as he waits for the ceremony to start. He knows Josh is going to look beautiful either way, but he’s still _nervous._ Everyone’s nervous on their wedding day.

He catches his parents eye; his mother is already crying and smiles at him while his father gives him a thumbs up. Tyler’s siblings all stare at him with large grins across their faces.

As his foot taps nervously, he looks throughout the church at everyone else. Josh’s family gathers in a different set of pews, and Tyler recognizes aunts and uncles and cousins. He feels even more nervous.

But it’s all worth it the minute he sees Josh. Josh, in a grey suit and white tie, his pink hair freshly dyed for the occasion, his beautiful shiny white dimpled smile. It’s all worth it as they say their vows, exchange rings, as they kiss and everyone cheers behind them.

It’s worth it because they’re _happy._

They make a settle tweet later at the reception, true to their words, with a picture of Tyler kissing Josh on the cheek.

 

_@tylerrjoseph: Finally married my best fren._

 

“What now?” Josh asks as the responses flood in. Tyler smiles.

“We keep living life.”


End file.
